Nefelibata
by Gentle Kiss
Summary: "Those who live in the clouds of their imaginations and dreams." To disobey the conventions of society was taboo, but she'd go insane in a world so cruel if she didn't dream. Her clouds rose higher than their walls, and there she would be safe. Levi/OC
1. Chapter 1: Sunflowers

**[AN]** 'lo. just a warning, I have no idea where the fuck I plan on going with this fic, but please bear with me. will there be ships? idfk. will there be disregard for some canon events? absolutely. for starters, I refuse to believe that Levi is 30, so in this fic he's going to be 24. oops.

because I'll be writing fairly short chapters, updates will be much more frequent. expect one every two to three days.

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_"I wish I were a girl again, half-savage and hardy, and free." -_ Emily Brontë, _Wuthering Heights_

**Chapter 1: Sunflower**

Nephele longed for the day when she'd be taller than the sunflowers her mother tended to. She wanted to be tall and elegant like the models in her mom's catalogs, with their almond shaped eyes and hair like golden fabric.

Much to Nephele's chagrin, however, her eyes were too wide to be almonds, and her hair was like the deepest shade of the sun's flames when it's viewed up close. At least, that's how her mother, Ligeia, described it. It reminded Nephele of blood, so she shaved it off with her father's razor when she was six. Back then, it seemed like she'd have a promising future as a butcher, for she was able to shave her hair clean to the scalp without even nicking herself. Her father, Philo, was impressed and laughed it off, though her mother was horrified. Not because she elected to shear off her curly locks, but because of the hazard of a child wielding a blade and using it to cut their own hair.

Nephele was named after a Greek cloud nymph because she was born in April during a light rainstorm, and also because of her azure eyes, azure like the kingdom of the sky. When upset, the hues of her irises would become a dull gray, like clouds heavy with rain, and when agitated they would darken like thunderheads. But never did those clouds release their burden and rain upon the earth. Nephele never cried, since girls aren't pretty when they cry.

Nephele let the sky cry for her instead.

_\- Three Years Ago_

"The sunflowers are vibrant today."

The sun was vibrant, too. It bore down on Nephele's back like a heated blanket, as if light had mass. She was the weeding the garden, her gloves covered in flaking dirt, brow glistening with sweat. Though she hated manual labor, she didn't mind gardening because all of the dirt and sweat was necessary to nurture such beautiful, fleeting life. That, and it was a rare moment during which she could spend time with her mother.

Nephele tucked a loose tendril of crimson hair behind her ear as she squinted her eyes up towards the sun. Her mother's hair resembled the golden sun's rays more than her own, she thought.

"You seem distracted today," came her mother's sudden intrusion on her idle thoughts. She was carefully gathering the ripe tomatoes into a woven basket, kneeling on the ground on the opposite side of the garden. Nephele plucked a dandelion out of the soil and deposited it in her own basket, which was half-filled with various weeds.

"It's just that I'm wondering when dad will be back from his hunting trip," she murmured softly, resuming her work at a more diligent pace.

"Well, he's going to be selling some of what he catches in Shiganshina. They pay higher prices for meat than this mountain village, because everyone around here hunts for their own meat anyways," she explained, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. Nephele's mother was very beautiful, but in an inexplicable way that Nephele herself didn't quite understand. It was a beauty that no amount of makeup and no piece of jewelry could enhance or grant.

"Okay."

The sun had risen high into the clouds, the kingdom of the Nephelae, when the heavy, rhythmic fall of horse hooves penetrated the silence of the Ambrosia family's humble cottage and garden. Nephele's mood instantly brightened while her mother's became confused.

"Dad!" exclaimed the young girl, smiling widely as she rose from the ground with her basket of weeds. She wanted to show her father all of her hard work.

Her mother rose as well, but with much less enthusiasm.

"No, Philo didn't take a horse." She glanced over at the small pasture where the family horses, Daisy and Jasmine, were grazing. "He took an oxen and cart." Whoever this was, they must be fleeing with the hounds of hell at their heels, for they drove their steed with terrified urgency.

As horse and rider rose above one of the hills surrounding the mountain upon which Nephele and her parents lived, it was confirmed that the rider was not her father. First, disappointment became the most prevalent emotion on Nephele's face, then bewilderment as she wondered who their visitor could be, and then shock upon seeing the emblem of the Garrison stitched onto the man's jacket.

The soldier pulled his frantic steed into a skidding halt in front of the fence surrounding the garden, which protected it from beasts who would wish to devour their crops. The stallion's hooves kicked up loose dirt as it struggled for purchase, showering the plants in soil, its nostrils flaring and its eyes wide from both fear and exertion.

"Is there a problem, sir?" inquired Ligeia, placing the basket on the ground so that she could wipe her hands on her thighs to dispel a bit of the dirt caked on her palms. The Garrison were charged with protecting the walls, so it was practically unheard of for them to stray so far behind them.

"T-Titans!" he wailed, his eyes filled with even more unfettered, instinctive fear than the horse's. Soldiers were supposed to be strong and disciplined. This man was nothing like how she imagined humanity's heroes to be. "Titans broke through Shiganshina, and punched a hole in Wall Maria. Everyone must evacuate behind Wall Rose!"

His hands were caked in blood, not dirt. It looked like the color of Nephele's hair, and she never wanted to see that color again. She wanted to tear her hair out and bleed herself dry, so that she'd be pure white, like a daisy.

"But isn't dad in Shiganshina?" Nephele whispered, too quietly for anyone to hear.

"Quickly! I'll alert the rest of your village. You must leave now!" he commanded, though it seemed that he wished he could be the one who got to escape immediately instead.

Without another word, Ligeia grabbed her daughter's wrist, making her drop the basket, the heap of weeds littering the garden. Hours of work just tossed aside, years of nurturing their small yet beautiful garden spent in vain, and a century of peace abruptly shattered.

The walls have fallen, and so too will the fences to their garden.

"But dad!" This time, Nephele screamed, digging her heels in the soil and uprooting the chrysanthemums in a feeble attempt to stop her mother from dragging her along.

"He probably already evacuated, sweetheart," mumbled Ligeia, her voice breaking. It sounded like she was also trying to convince herself that this was true.

Narrowing her doe eyes, Nephele wrenched her hand free, staring at the flowers she had just defaced. "Liar. You don't know that."

Abandoning her half-hearted attempt to reassure her daughter, Ligeia lashed out on impulse, her hand over her heart and her eyes wild. "Well, what do you want me to do, Nephele? March into Shiganshina and rescue him? He's probably already been eaten by a titan!"

Such blunt words made Nephele speechless, and her mother took advantage of her shock by taking her hand in hers more gently than she did before as dread marred her pretty face. That was when Nephele decided she didn't want to grow up to be like her mother. She wanted to be beautiful and dignified, even in the face of disaster. She wanted to cover up every dirty, ugly factor of humanity and make it gilded and golden.

"We have to go. There's still hope for all three of us, but only if we survive."

Nephele looked over her shoulder, facing south towards where Shiganshina should be. She didn't try to imagine the chaos that was surely brewing there. She was just looking for her father, hoping to see his silhouette rushing towards them in the distance. Instead, she saw several human shapes in the distance loping towards them, and she wondered if they were civilians escaping from Shiganshina. Yet something was odd about those silhouettes. They were too spaced apart from each other, rather than forming a congregation of people as one would expect, and their bodies, even from this distance, looked very disproportionate.

Upon seeing the figures, the soldier panicked, calling out to the pair. "Hurry! They're coming, you must get on your horses until you reach Trost. Don't stop until you get there, no matter how long it takes!" Then, with those as his final words to them, the soldier dug his heels into the horse's sides, urging it into a gallop, and rode away.

"Come, Nephele. We have no time to grab our things," Ligeia said as soon as the soldier began to leave, trying to use a more soothing tone than before.

Nephele was about to protest, adamant about leaving behind her belongings, but quickly resigned herself to silence. It would be imprudent and undignified for her to complain.

Ligeia tacked up the horses with haste while Nephele anxiously stared at the approaching figures. Those must be titans. They didn't seem too threatening, and Nephele would even go as far as to say that they were rather sluggish, but the titans were a few kilometers away so her depiction of them was far from accurate. On the hill where her house was situated, she had a clear vantage point, and was able to see the titans despite them being so far away.

Ligeia ensured than Nephele was on her horse first, boosting her up onto the saddle, then climbed onto the chestnut colored mare, Daisy. She pulled on the reins so that the Daisy would pull alongside Jasmine and Nephele so that she could address her daughter face to face.

"Philo probably took the boat out of Shiganshina, and is own his way to Trost right now. He'll be waiting for us, so we have to meet him there, okay?"

Nephele pulled her hood over her head, which she often wore to hide her hair, and looked down at her hands, which were tightly gripping the reins.

The only place her father would be waiting for her was the black abyss.

"Okay."


	2. Chapter 2: Daffodils

**[AN] **fuck. it's been a month since my last update. sorry I'm such a lazy fuck. I haven't been going on walks in the forest lately, which I sometimes do to feed my aesthetic needs and garner inspiration, but alas, so much anime, so little motivation for anything productive. I've got a bad case of senioritis.

on the other hand, I kinda know where I'm going with this fic for at least the next few chapters so that's a start I guess? reviews and ideas would be totes appreciated.

I hope none of you think Nephele is a mary sue because she's a bit feminine(?) girly girls are girls too

and finally, thank you to those who have followed, favorited, reviewed, and read this fic. it's nice knowing people enjoy what I write, and that we all feel such profound love for the lovely franchise that is snk

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**Chapter 2: Daffodils**

The titans never killed her mother. It was humanity that sent her off to her death.

Titans eat people. They don't deliberately kill them by doing so. However, humans are different. They are aware that their actions result in death. Humans are worse.

"Here, before I go, take this," murmured Ligeia, removing the necklace she wore and placing it around the neck of her daghter. Rather than a metallic chain, the pendant hung from a black leather cord, which rested between her breasts because of how long it was. The pendant itself was a geometric design composed of small circles, which altogether formed a hexagon, inside of a larger circle.

"What is it?" Nephele quietly asked, rubbing the metal between her fingers. It was ugly, far too simple for her tastes.

"The flower of life."

Nephele tucked the necklace safely in her shirt, where the cold metal gave her bare skin goose bumps.

"I have to go now," she finally said, uttering the ultimatum that both of them already knew. Ligeia wasn't going to promise that she'd be back.

"Yeah."

Ligeia placed a warm, soft hand on the top of Nephele's head, smiling down at her. "You're sixteen now. Take care of yourself and try to stay alive. Everything I do, I do for you, so don't let my actions go to waste," she said, tears brimming her eyes. In another world, another time, Ligeia would have been the source of inspiration for many writers of tragedy. No one wrote anything of substance anymore.

Looking up at her mother for the first time in weeks, Nephele nodded solemnly, her eyes unreadable. They seemed to have developed that almond shape she always wanted because of how narrowed they usually are.

"I will live for you."

Smiling sadly, her face contorting somewhat as she struggled to suppress her emotions, Ligeia bit her lip and shook her head. "No, sweetie. Live for yourself."

Then, Ligeia let her hand fall and turned away before Nephele could see her crying, not even daring to raise her hand to wipe away her tears. Nephele watched as she climbed on top of a horse, joining a giant congregation of weary, bleak individuals astride their own steeds and some on foot, and waited until she heard an officer give a mighty, noble speech about how brave these mock soldiers were, and that they will surely achieve their first victory against the titans. His words elicited a stark sense of despondency amongst the crowd of civilians and soon-to-be soldiers, in which almost all of Trost was deafened by the sound of one handed claps.

No one said a word, and no one moved to even swat at a fly. This was their fate; to be sent off as bait for the Titans. It was quite surprising that not a single individual caused a scene given the circumstances. They were probably already too terrified by the prospect of capital punishment to bother trying to defy the King's orders.

Nephele was on the front lines of the silent crowd of soon-to-be-orphaned children when suddenly she heard whispers among a few of the older teenagers who had just narrowly missed the age requirement to be drafted.

"I bet the government is just recruiting all of these people so that they have less to feed," one of the boys murmured into his friend's ear, his scraggily beard scratching the other's clean shaven cheek, who turned his head away to avoid the bristles.

"Tch. You can say that again. It's a fucked up thing to do, feed the titans instead of us, but at least they can end the food shortage this way. Less survivors, less mouths to feed," he muttered back, crossing his arms as he craned his neck to glare up at the officer who was standing on top of Wall Rose along with several others.

"It just sucks for the younger kids who are going to be left orphaned. Those kids are the real victims."

'Your parents are going to die, too.'

The fates of every family was written on their faces instead of in the stars. Far above the walls was the limitless sky. Nephele stared at it as it loomed over her, and everything else. If only she could build a kingdom in the sky, transcending the laws of physics and the titans themselves, where they would never reach her.

She bit down on her tongue and tasted metal. Her eyes squinted, but it wasn't from the sun. How could they not be crying?

Nephele screamed until it felt like her lungs withered. She fell to her knees, and she wanted to shatter the sky with her voice, hoping to build a staircase with its fragments and travel even farther away from this place until none of it mattered anymore.

All eyes were on her except for the eyes of Ligeia. Once the silence was broken, the discordant sounds of wailing children filled the air. Several leaped forward into the horses' and footsoldiers' path of travel, searching for the familiar faces of the ones who raised them. Their force was easily suppressed by several members of the Garrison holding them back, rounding them up like cattle.

How could people do this to each other? What gives anyone the right to send others off to die?

Blood flooded her mouth as Nephele ruthlessly bit down even further onto her tongue. At the age of sixteen, on the cobblestone road that led to hell, Nephele became an adult. The prospect of death stripped her of all ignorance and naivety. She knew who the enemy was.

Humanity.

She would climb to the top. She would join the MP, graduating at the top of her class, and then weasel her way into upperclass society. Then, she would slaughter and succeed those who were in power, those who issued the order to send her mother, and the mothers of so many others, to their inevitable deaths.

They can take her life and her family, but they can't take her dreams.

'Kill them all... To the last.'*

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Not many flowers grew at the cadet corps. There were too many people bustling about during almost every hour of the day running drills for there to be any room for life beneath their feet. Dozens of pairs of military-issued boots were constantly kicking up the dirt and grass, which, on top of it all, was infertile. The earth was hideous, the landscape was hideous, and worst of all, the uniforms were hideous.

Nephele submitted somewhat and wore the attire issued to her, but the boots she refused to don. She opted for her favorite pair of black suede high heel boots. The heels were two inches, and yet she managed to maneuver in them better than if she were wearing any other footwear. To Nephele, it also seemed much more practical to wear them rather than the boots because she performed better in her heels anyways. She could walk in a perfectly straight line with her eyes closed in a pair of heels, but was unable to do so without them.

To pass the time by while the commanding officer -whose booming voice gave her a migraine- used various verbal and physical forms of intimidation on her fellow cadets, she began pulling off split ends on her hair, then letting the wind carry them away as it pleased. Soon, she ran out of dead hair, for it was already healthy and vibrant, so she started inspecting her nail beds. Grimacing, she wished they were pushed back a little bit more. She'd have to fix that once she had some free time.

When Nephele glanced up, she was surprised to see Commander Shadis bearing down on her like the almighty sun. Her expression betrayed her emotions, prompting Shadis to take advantage of her shock by screaming right into her face.

The saliva spewing from his mouth shocked her even more. She was utterly repulsed. There was nothing more disgusting than the human mouth, especially that of a weird old man like this guy.

"You! State your name and where you're from!" Shadis shouted, loud enough that her ears began to ring. It took every ounce of self-discipline not to punch him in the stomach.

"Nephele Ambrosia, a village near Shiganshina, sir," she briefly stated, her expression becoming placid once more as she saluted him. Her eyes were beginning to burn as he stared her down. His gaze then swept up and down her form, the travel his eyes underwent from her feet to her head being particularly brief. When he inspected her lower half, his eyes widened in disbelief as he noticed that she wasn't wearing the military-issued boots.

"Did you forget to change properly this morning, you underdeveloped shit?" he shouted again, hands behind his back where they usually were unless they were busy assaulting some poor, ignorant cadet. Nephele glanced down at her shoes, which were coated in a layer of dirt. She groaned inwardly.

"No, sir . I put these on deliberately, sir," Nephele said, trying to be at least somewhat passive with her sarcasm.

Shadis stared even more, hoping to instill fear and doubt in the girl, but even though she feared punishment like any sane person would, she tried not to show it. He'd only feed off of her fear and try to frighten her even more. "How do you expect to maneuver around in those? This ain't a fucking fashion show! This is the cadet corps. Here, if you don't take things seriously, you'll die from your impudence!"

Slowly but surely, Nephele's fear dwindled. It's just routine. Everyone gets verbally abused during their rite of passage, and this was no different, even if Shadis actually had something to complain about.

"I perform better in these than in any other pair of footwear that you could provide me with, sir," explained Nephele, still holding her salute.

"You'd do better without a pair of legs, you insignificant shit head! As you are now, you're nothing more than a pig waiting for slaughter."

'You said that already to that guy over there,' she thought.

Nephele decided to use the same tactic the other cadet had by agreeing with Shadis. "Of course, sir."

As satisfied as a man with a stick up his ass could be, Shadis gave her one last, condescending scoff before turning to his next victim.

Nephele pushed her sleeves up and rubbed one of her arms, trying to get rid of the goosebumps. Only then had it actually dawned on Nephele that she was a cadet. That was it, her rite of passage. Now, all that was left to do was graduate in the top ten, join the Military Police, and make this dystopic government implode.

She just didn't know how to achieve that goal, but the devil's in the details.

* * *

* this is actually what Eren says when he refers to wanting to kill the titans. in Japanese, the way he says "to the last" (ippiki nokorazu), is a way of showing his hatred for the titans. in the phrase, ippiki kind of refers to small animals and bugs. in other words, Nephele also feels the same hatred towards the current government as Eren does towards titans.


	3. Chapter 3: Tulips

**[AN]** I honestly think this is the fastest I've ever updated a fic. I'm usually slow at this, but I love SnK so much that I'm really eager to write it.

as for this chapter's quote, I chose it because of how incredibly misguided it is. a girl can be intelligent and still care about her physical appearance. when did it become taboo to wear makeup and do your hair? feminism doesn't exclude femininity.

now that I got that off my chest. rant over, and enjoy this shitty shit fic

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_"They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting." -John Green, Looking for Alaska_

**Chapter 3: Tulips**

Nephele had no qualms with rain. It cleansed and gave life to the earth, after all. However, she didn't really appreciate having to run ankle deep in mud, her cloths soaked through and chilling her to the bone. Those stupid raincoats only covered so much, after all. On top of everything, this was one of those rare circumstances in which wearing her heels would have been extremely inefficient. They'd just sink tight into the mud, hindering her movement, and, worse, possibly getting ruined beyond any hope of restoration. So, she sucked it up and stuffed her feet in the boots. They didn't seem able to do their job, as her feet would squish in her socks with every step.

"Can't you run any faster? Even Armin is doing better than you!"

_'That's pretty easy for you to say, Shadis. You're on a fucking horse.'_

In this particular squad, being compared to Armin Arlert in terms of physical capability was considered one of the biggest insults, which Nephele thought was cruel but accurate. He was the most intelligent cadet in the whole corps, and many agreed that he'd make an exemplary strategist, but the kid wasn't too great outside of the classroom.

It was a pretty fatal blow to her pride to see Armin trudging along ahead of her, visibly exhausted but still determined as the group continued down the forest's winding path. The path would occasionally rise into steep inclines that took all of Nephele's energy to climb up, and sudden drops where the force of gravity was the biggest threat, and could send a person tumbling into a tree with one misstep. Tree roots rose from the earth in some places, and many cadets fell victim to them, tripping over the trees' outstretched legs and twisting their ankles during their falls.

Nephele observed as Reiner fell back into step with the other blonde. They exchanged words, then Reiner shouldered Armin's pack along with his own, but Nephele was unable to hear their conversation over the roar of pouring rain and the rise and fall of dozens of boots slapping down on the mud.

Her legs fell like anchors, her body ached, her stomach felt like it was being wrung like a dish rag, and she was about to vomit from exertion and embarrassment. That would not be pretty.

"Ah, fuck it. My feet are already wet and cold anyways."

Though Nephele had no idea why, she suddenly came to a stop, pulling off the atrocious boots and gray woolen socks, then tossed them into the forest's green depths. Unhindered by them now, Nephele summoned every last reserve of strength to push forward.

She would not fail. _'Kill them all, to the last.'_

Mud splattered all around her, but the steady onslaught of relentless rain kept her feet mostly clean Clean, but terribly cold. Nephele caught up with Armin in a few moments. He was breathing heavily, wheezing with each inhalation even though he was no longer carrying his pack. He blinked rain from his eyes, staring at her in surprise. Then, he glanced down at her feet, stunned to find that she was running barefoot.

"Ambrosia-san! What happened to your boots?" he shouted over the rain and Shadis, who was yelling at other cadets up ahead.

Nephele smirked, shrugged, and flashed a row of pearly white teeth. They weren't perfectly aligned, but it was evident that she cared a lot about oral hygiene.

"I ditched them," she replied, then quickly changed topics. "Are you really going to let Muscles over there get the better of you? Come on, Arlert-san! Have some faith in yourself!"

Never before had the two spoken to each other, yet Nephele didn't seem to care about their unfamiliarity. Armin never wanted this. He was so sick of being protected by others. Eren... Mikasa... It was bad enough when they were saving him from bullies, but against titans?

Never again will he let someone risk their life because he was too weak to save himself. 'Natural selection.' A concept he had about before and has feared ever since. He was weak, and natural selection was coming for him.

"I already know!" Armin's eyes narrowed and his brows furrowed. Nephele wondered if that was because of how hard he was pushing his body, or if it was out of spite for how weak he was.

Maybe it was both. Whatever it was, that expression fueled Nephele's spirit. It was evolving. No longer would she be a flower, rooted safely in her garden and ignorant of the world around her, waiting to be cut down. She was a bird now, and she was learning how to fly.

Armin grabbed his pack from Reiner, who watched, bewildered, as he ran onward.

"Come on, Ambrosia-san! Are you really going to let me of all people beat you?" he called out over his shoulder.

Grinning widely, Nephele pulled her hood down and let the rain wash the disease of self-doubt away.

"I'm right behind you."

Soon, the trees became blurred streaks of green as she passed them.

* * *

"She's pretty hot, I'll give her that."

"I don't know. She kinda looks like a twelve year old."

"She's actually eighteen."

"Nice! An older woman."

"What does it matter?" Eren had had enough. He tried to seem less bothered by the conversation than he actually was by blowing on his bowl of soup to cool it off, the steam rising from the contents and warming his face. "Titans don't care how 'hot' you are when they're eating you."

Connie raised an eyebrow at Eren's comment, smirking mischievously as he scratched his shaven head. "Did Nephele do something to piss you off, Eren?"

Jean mirrored Connie's grin, leaning forward somewhat towards the brunette boy on the opposite side of the wooden table. "Yeah, Eren. Did she reject you or something?" he questioned.

"Of course not! It just pisses me off. She doesn't take her training seriously, always bitching about the uniform and showing up late to drills because she's too busy doing her makeup." By now, Eren's blood was boiling hotter than his unattended soup.

"I don't know," Armin intervened, coming to the aid of the girl in question. "She seemed pretty serious yesterday. I'm surprised she decided to take off her boots and get her feet dirty because she couldn't run well in them. I think that at least says she's dedicated." He took a sip of his coffee before quietly adding, staring into the brown liquid, "Nephele seems like a nice person."

Eren snorted, propping his chin up on his hand and scanning the dining hall for any sign of the short red-head. "Whatever. I'm just surprised she hasn't gotten kicked out yet."

Across the room, Mikasa spotted a flurry of deep red curls, and pointed in their direction. "Look. She's getting food."

Every person seated at the table - Jean, Connie, Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Sasha, and Marco- turned their heads to catch a glimpse of the "chick with a foot fetish" as Connie now liked to refer her as. He needed to come up with a shorter nickname. Maybe "Foot Freak?"

"Who is she friends with?" Marco wondered aloud.

"No one. Probably think she's better than everyone else," Eren muttered.

"Why are you being so mean?" Armin asked, frowning in disapproval.

"Because she's an insult to those of us who came here for a reason," he said, pointedly glaring at the back of Nephele's head as she piled potatoes, bread, and the scarce amount of vegetables that were available onto her tray.

"I'm going to talk to her!" exclaimed Armin, determination flashing in his eyes.

Marco -bless his soul- smiled warmly and nodded, getting up from the bench. "I'll go with you."

One by one, all but Eren -and, by association, Mikasa- left the table to join Nephele. Eren scoffed in disbelief and started stuffing his face with food to busy himself.

"Eren, slow down. You'll choke," warned Mikasa, her expression a blank slate as usual. She didn't know Nephele, and had nothing against her because so far she hadn't risen a hand against her family, Eren, but of course she chose to stay by her step-brother's side rather than join the procession advancing towards Nephele.

"Don't patronize me, Mikasa," Eren grumbled. He then realized how inconsiderate he was being, sighed, and looked down.

"Why are you so upset?" Mikasa inquired, looking vaguely worried, but that shimmer of concern in her dark eyes was only the tip of the iceberg.

"It just pisses me off when people treat this like some kind of camp or vacation," he murmured, no longer in the mood to eat.

"Maybe Nephele is driven by a purpose as well. One that you don't understand because you haven't been in her position, just as she hasn't been in ours."

Out of words to say, Eren turned his head away and started staring at the bleak, oak walls with annoyance. "Whatever."

"Oh, hello, Arlert-san" a pause as Nephele scanned the faces of his entourage, "and company."

"Hey, Ambrosia-san. I hope you don't mind if me and my friends sit with you?" Armin asked innocently.

"Yeah, Eren's being annoying. As usual," Jean muttered.

Armin laughed nervously, and Nephele smiled softly in response to their request. "Of course. I don't mind. I'm Nephele," by the way, she said. This was followed by the stereotypical string of introductions, where everyone stated their names and awkwardly waited for someone to initiate conversation.

She started carrying her tray to an empty table, and the group awkwardly followed behind her, taking their seats around her.

'Is everyone here socially challenged?'

Without acknowledging them, Nephele picked up a slice of bread and delicately began nibbling away at it. Truthfully, she was somewhat upset that they didn't seem to be comfortable around her. Why was that? She wasn't at all intimidating.

"So, Nephele-chan," Marco began, trying not to be too overwhelming. "Where are you from?"

She glanced up from her food, making direct eye contact with Marco as she answered. Her mother taught her that this was the polite thing to do. "I'm from a small mountain village north of Shiganshina. What about all of you?" Redirecting the question after answering briefly; also a polite thing to do.

"Ragako village in Wall Rose," beamed Connie.

"Trost," was Jean's brief reply.

"Dauper!" Sasha said, smiling.

"A village in Wall Maria," said Marco.

"I'm from Shiganshina."

Everyone waited for Nephele's reaction to this revelation, but instead she just nodded somberly. She finished her bread. Sasha stared longingly at her potato on the tray, her eyes hazed over and a lopsided grin warping her features.

"A-Are you gonna eat that?" she asked, pointing at the potato as if she could somehow cause it to levitate into her mouth with her finger. Connie chuckled at her brash behavior as Jean rolled his eyes.

"You can have it." Nephele laughed a little as she picked up the potato with a napkin and reached over the table to hand it to Sasha, who eagerly snatched it and began eating like an apple, without any butter or salt.

"You're a saint," Sasha mumbled around bites, groaning with happiness.

"You don't have any meat on your plate," Connie noted. All she had left was an apple and a small bowl of broccoli.

Nephele nodded in affirmation, picking up her fork and beginning to eat each piece of broccoli one by one. After swallowing, she stated, "Nope, I'm a vegetarian."

Sasha nearly choked around her potato, but was able to compose herself and swallow the last bite. "Seriously? Why?!"

Nephele shrugged, looking away. "I just don't think it's ethically right. Titans are humanity's predators, are they not? And humanity's goal is to win against them. So I just don't think it's right to eat animals when we feel such hatred towards titans for eating us, and then feel no guilt about it. If I am to eat meat, then I am to condone the actions against us made by the titans."

While Armin contemplated her reasoning, most everyone else stared at her in shock. Marco, however, gave her the thumbs up and smiled widely. "Good! We all need morals to follow, and I completely understand why you made that decision," he stated. Good old Marco, the moral compass of the 104th trainee squad.

"Than you," she smiled, eyes closed and head tilted.

"I get it, too," agreed Armin. "But understanding a person's reasoning and following their logic are two different things. Besides, now we know that titans don't really eat humans for nourishment, as humans eat animals." He scratched the back of his head. "So please understand if I continue eating meat."

"True, but I can get nourishment from sources other than animals, so I'd rather not eat meat if I have the choice. You can eat as much meat as you want. It's you body," she reassured, beaming.

Nephele had finished her broccoli, and stared at the apple as she contemplated what to do. Yawning, she finally rose from he seat, stretching until the bones in her back cracked satisfyingly. "Well, I'll be heading off now."

"But it's only eight o'clock," Jean said, wondering if she was tired at such an early hour. Maybe she was exhausted from today's drills.

"Yeah, are you tired?" Connie asked as well.

"Nah, I'm going on a run."

"But why?" Jean asked, chuckling and shaking his head. "You can get plenty of running in tomorrow."

"Yeah, Shadis would be happy to make you run around the barracks until you dug a trench," joked Connie.

"I like doing things at my own pace," Nephele said, her curls bouncing as she bowed to the group. She polished the apple on her shirt and sank her teeth into the fruit, severing a piece."Thank you for keeping me company. Goodnight."

Nephele picked up her tray then turned on her heel, becoming a blur of red and tan, but stopped when she heard Jean behind her.

"W-Wait. Would you mind if I came with you?" he asked, looking to the side as if by doing so she wouldn't see the pink staining his cheeks. She turned towards him, head tilted slightly, and grinned.

"I don't know. Can you keep up?" she mused, pulling on one of the curls framing her face.

"Don't underestimate me," Jean warned facetiously.

"We'll see," she replied, waving her hand at him over her shoulder as she went to return her tray, her heels making delicate taps every time they made contact with the floor.

Once the pair had left, Connie leaned in towards the remaining cadets at the table, candles flickering precariously as the door opened and a gust of wind floated inside.

"Do you think Nephele is Jean's next victim?" he asked.

On the other side of the dining hall, Eren shared the same thoughts. "What the fuck is horseface doing with Ambrosia?"


	4. Chapter 4: Bluebells

**[AN] **oi. long time no update. happy kwanzaa, yule, hanukka, merry christmas, happy new year, ect. I hope you guys had safe, fun holidays with your loved ones. anyways, sorry it's been so long. I haven't had access to the internet lately, but now I spend all my days on my new touch screen laptop, blogging and watching anime and reading fanfiction.

* * *

花有重开日，人无再少年  
huā yǒu chóng kāi rì, rén wú zài shào nián  
_Flowers may bloom again, but a person never has the chance to be young again. - Chinese proverb_

**Chapter 4: Bluebells**

"Those girls are like bullets, and we're just arrows."

Jean glanced over at his comrade, Marco Bott, and a feeling of unease took claim of him. There was more behind Marco's words, and it reflected in the front of his eyes, as he watched the backs of Mikasa and Nephele become infinitesmal specks that blended with the rest of the forest, his smile small and uncharacteristically dim. From far away, every single one of them -every single human- were just a few inconsequential specks flecked throughout something so much greater than even the sum of them all.

"What's with the look?" Jean inquired, replacing his worn blades with a pair of new ones from his gear. He let the busted scraps of metal fall dozens of feet below the tree branch they were on, watched as they silently descended onto the forest floor of crushed, decaying leaves and pine needles. They always trained in the forest, which made Jean wonder how well the cadets would do when sent out to conquer other terrain less suitable for their omni directional gear.

"I just wonder what's worse; being strong and having the responsibility of protecting everyone else, or being so weak that others risk their lives trying to protect you," murmured Marco, already finished changing his own blades. They were prepared, but they weren't ready to continue pushing forward just yet.

Shrugging, Jean gave his gear a hard pat, the dull thud resounding like the pump of a single heart beat. It was like he was trying to reassure himself that it wouldn't suddenly fall to pieces with the slightest touch. It was astounding how much their lives depended on those hunks of cold metal.

"It sucks either way, because that means that someone is probably going to end up dead. It'd be a lot better if there was no one in need of protection, and no one who had to protect," Jean said solemnly. He thought that Marco wasn't acting like his usual self.

Marco shook his head at himself and smiled, tilting his right blade to gather a bit of the light it reflected back into his eyes. "Yeah. But until then, we'll need to keep fighting so that a world like that exists one day."

After sneaking another quick glance at Marco, Jean decided to lighten the mood with a boisterous laugh, patting his friend on the back as he had his ODM. Marco grunted from the impact, his eyes widening as he momentarily feared that the tap might push him off of the branch that they were perched on. "And that's not gonna happen if we sit on our asses in a fucking tree, talking about our feelings while everyone else is training!" Jean teased, before sliding off of the branch and dropping like a rock. He soared through the air like a leaf in the wind after shooting his cables into two parallel trees and releasing them once he gathered enough momentum to swing himself forward, before being swallowed by the sea of emerald.

Jean's booming laugh of triumph echoed throughout the dense forest, stirring the creatures that cowered in their holes and rousing several birds into flight. Marco wondered who it was that Jean had beaten to one of the various decoys scattered around the training area, and imagined them glowering as Jean flaunted his victory.

"I can't even seem to hold a candle to you," Marco affectionately remarked, standing up and supporting himself with a steady hand on the tree trunk.

He stepped off of the branch and let physics do the rest for him.

* * *

It was hard to tell which one of them had the superior abilities, but Nephele knew the answer better than anyone else. If it wasn't for Nephele's drive, Mikasa would be way out of her league. She was capable of so much more than Nephele, but the reason why they performed almost equally was because of how hard Nephele pushed herself. So, she aspired to be even better than Mikasa was. If she could surpass the silent, exotic beauty in talent, then she'd be able to outperform almost any soldier. At least, that was her belief.

There was just something that Mikasa had that Nephele lacked. Something that every soldier had that Nephele didn't.

Strength.

Because of how blatantly obvious it was, Nephele ironically neglected to try to improve that subject. Her workout routine focused on her core and lower body, rather than her upper body. She also refrained from building any significant muscle mass. To Nephele, stronger just meant better. She failed to view her incapabilities at a different angle because of something so trivial: she didn't want to have the figure of a strong woman. There was a barrier in her mind, and she was trapped inside of it.

Nephele allowed herself to fall rapidly towards the ground, leaning her body forward and then suddenly shooting her steel cables high up into a tree that was a few meters from the five meter decoy she was aiming for. This allowed her to gain inertia as the cables swung her forward in an upside down arc. She let her mind drift in the clouds while her body drifted through the air, trying to see the azure sky through the dense canopy of leaves the color of the Survey Corps' cloaks. For a moment, she imagined her body dissipating like fog, a cloud that's fallen too close to earth, and flowing with the current of the wind. She craved freedom, but was on a strict diet of self-oppression.

Too soon, however, did gravity remind her of her corporeality. Before she fell too low, she shot her cables into two trees, peering through the foliage to catch a glimpse of her target; the crude eight-or-so meter tall wooden decoy cut to resemble a 2-dimensional humanoid figure, like a titan. On the nape of the decoy was a block of dried leather that the cadets were to slice with their swords, which Nephele could see because of how stark the contrast of its red color was against the green of the woods. She looked around her surroundings, searching for any shapes that might be maneuvering swiftly between the trees. She saw none, yet proceeded with caution, using a significant amount of gas in her tank to propel her forward faster than inertia alone could. She knew exactly how to bend her body for less wind resistance, her legs tucked beneath her and her back arched. It was like dancing in the air.

She just didn't get there in time. Maybe the victor was already ahead of her, or maybe they were just faster, but the swing and flash of a pair of blades signaled Nephele's loss. Mikasa cut a clean, sizable chunk out of the thick leather with her swords just as Nephele had entered the clearing that the decoy was posted, and landed nimbly on the branch of a tall tree on the other side of the clearing. She gazed at Nephele impassively, her dark eyes unreadable especially from this distance, and Nephele sighed at her own defeat, smiling softly.

"You beat me," she congratulated after finding her own suitable perch to rest on. Mikasa always beat her; second sucked.

"I wasted a lot of gas," murmured Mikasa, adjusting one of the knobs on a tank. Though Mikasa wasn't the best at small talk, she decided she might as well try. "I heard that a few members of the Survey Corps are going to be visiting in a week or so."

Nephele was caught off guard by this, not because of the Survey Corps impending arrival, but because it was Mikasa who told her. "Huh. Wonder what they're coming for," she said.

"Maybe to get more recruits," offered Mikasa, absently tugging on her scarf. She had dirt caked under her nails and scratches on her hands and a few skeletons of dead leaves in her obsidian hair. Nephele hid the dirt well beneath a few coats of burgundy polish and was carefully pulling out a twig from one of her curls.

"Yeah. Mostly everyone who makes the top ten joins the Military Police, and everyone else signs up for the Garrison." Nephele could think of one particular cadet who'd be ecstatic when the Survey Corps arrived. "The Survey Corps needs all the help they can get."

Silence brewed between them for a while, so Nephele decided that the conversation was over. She put her hand on the tree trunk to steady herself as she prepared to return to the check point. She had only scored two points during this drill, and was disappointed in her poor performance.

"We should probably get going. I bet Shadis is going to fire the return flare soon," Nephele suggested. Now that she didn't have to focus on training, she could weave through the trees with her ODM as she pleased.

"Yeah."

An insistent breeze tugged on Nephele's uniform like a lover's hands, and she let it carry her where it pleased. She closed her eyes and stepped off the branch, her heels peeling off a few pieces of bark, and imagined that she was falling from high up in the clouds rather than just dozens of feet above the ground. The wind mussed up her hair, but for once she didn't mind. She felt at peace, falling fast, dangerously close to hitting the ground. But when she was just five meters from the earth, she released her cables and shot them into a tree perpendicular to her and released a gust of gas from her tank. The cables were quickly pulled taunt, jarring her body so that her harness dug deep into her flesh, and she couldn't wait to see the purple bruises that they'd leave on her ivory skin the next morning. The momentum brought her swinging around the tree, and she released her cables to fire them at another tree northwest of her. Nephele continued this routine, crisscrossing through the trees like a needle as it sews.

Knees tucked under, back arched. She once saw Mikasa using this technique and thought she looked graceful while doing it, so she adopted the practice. She also learned a few tricks while watching Jean as well.

_'Right... Jean.'_

His name elicited memories from the night where they ran aimlessly through the forest together. It was the first night they spoke. She smiled demurely at the fond memory. Nephele liked forests, and spent most of her time training in the one nearby either by herself or with her fellow cadets on official drills, but she wished she could get a better glimpse of the sky.

_"See? Without all those trees, the sky is really bright."_

Jean had been right. Above the cliff overlooking the charcoal colored valley beneath them, the sky had been freckled with stars of varying intensities, some flickering in and out of existence while others were incandescent and brilliant. Maybe the dimmer ones were just small towns built in the heavens, and the brighter ones were cities alive with celestial lights. The moon was eclipsed, cloaked in night's blanket, so there was nothing in the sky to outshine the stars, which flowed through the darkness like a river of fireflies.

Nephele had been breathing heavily before she saw that sight because of their run, but as soon as Jean raised his finger and pointed up like the needle of a compass for her to follow, her fatigued body seemed to be fueled with energy and life.

And then Jean climbed down the bluff, and Nephele yelled at him, worried that he might fall, and then he plunged into the darkness below, and the first thing that pierced the light again was his hand, clutching a fistful of drooping bluebells.

"You used to have a garden, yeah?" he had asked, climbing back up the cliff face. He wore that stupid grin,all dimples and teeth, with a speck of dirt on his cheek and his hair tousled from the brisk wind. "Not many flowers grow around here, but you can find bluebells growing on the valley bluffs."

Jean didn't know what he was doing, but that's what made his innocent act of kindness so much more meaningful. Nephele should have cried. Bluebells were her mother's favorite. Ligeia had said that they drank up the colors of the sky, once at midday and once at twilight, to get their mauve hue.

An emerald comet trail blazed across the night sky of her memories. It was the signal flare to return to the checkpoint and receive evaluations, and it hung above her head, suspended in the morning sky of the present. The orb of effervescent light then dimmed and collapsed upon itself, falling silently to the ground until it was extinguished completely. Only then did she realize that her body was still moving separately from her mind, so she continued to give it control, letting her it carry her back like it was someone else's.

* * *

**[AN] **oh, and I was wondering if you guys would like to see this fic with any pairings. I was thinking about an eventual Mikasa/OC, but I also really admire Levi Heichou so... ah well, feedback would be gratefully appreciated! thank you for following, favoriting, and reviewing this story. thank you for even bothering to read it~


	5. Chapter 5: Wildflowers

**[AN]** once again, I'm sorry for not updating sooner. feel free to yell at me...

thanks to all of you who have followed and favorited, and especially to Kenraknom and KiraKiraBluemoon. enjoy!

* * *

_When I was young my dad would always say_  
_ 'The darkest night's before the brightest day_.'  
_ I found my way but it was just dumb luck_.  
_ It took me laying on my back_  
_ To start looking up._

_'Long October,' Handguns_

**Chapter 5: Wildflowers  
**

The week passed by without notice, due to the mundanity of the Cadet's routine. Their schedules hardly ever changed, so they quickly lost track of the days, though never track of time. Time ruled them.

Thus, when the Survey Corps arrived, the Cadet's were surprised, like they had fallen asleep and had only just woken up. None of their superiors ever spoke of it, so the arrival snuck up on them. It seemed like the Survey Corps were taboo because of their lack of success and high mortality rate.

The cloaks of the Survey Corps fluttered behind them like wings of emerald green. Most of the company of cadets were silent with trepidation, and, for some, hushed admiration and awe. Nephele was among those who were petrified from amazement. These were the best warriors cultivated by humankind. Better than the MPs, whose members could only consist of those ranked in the top ten of their class, though whose skills were worn away after time wasted on menial tasks in the interior rather than honed on the battlefield.

The soldiers' battle-hardened bodies told stories of their grim experiences, from the lines on their faces, to the dark circles under their eyes, to the stubs on one man's hand where his pinky and index fingers used to be.

Nephele wondered what their names were, but she realized she would soon find out when Shadis's booming voice shattered the stunned and awkward silence.

"Listen up! For the next three weeks, you impudent shits are going to have the honor of being trained by humanity's elite." The sarcasm and contempt in Shadis's words were even more prevalent than usual. "On my left is Commander Erwin, on my right is Captain Levi, and next to him is squad leader Hange," he announced, though didn't seem like he was acknowledging them. Behind the superiors was a group of five soldiers of the Survey Corps that Shadis didn't address.

Commander Erwin and Captain Levi were legendary names, even among the people of her village years ago. Hange, however, was unfamiliar. The Commander lived well up to to his name, and was everything Nephele imagined him to be. She'd never openly admit it, but Erwin was often the knight of her young, idealistic fantasies. Even in her dreams, Erwin was blonde, tall, and stoic, though of course there were many details about him that she hadn't predicted, like how strong his jaw was, and how the white shirt of his uniform hugged his tight muscles, the fabric almost diaphanous enough for her to see through-

"Ambrosia?"

Armin placed a small hand on Nephele's shoulder to get her attention. Shadis had finished speaking, and the cadets were saluting their officers after they had been dismissed. They were about to march back to the rec hall for lunch, and Armin and Nephele were in the front row.

"Sorry," apologized Nephele with a demure smile as she quickly saluted along with everyone else. She saw Shadis eye her with disapproval, so she adopted the stoic expression of a good soldier and she and those beside her led the procession while those behind followed. Their footsteps synchronized instantly from months of practice, and the drumming of everyone else's boots on the hard packed dirt was all Nephele could hear. Her heels were silent on this kind of terrain, which was an odd comfort for her. Nephele felt like it slightly distinguished her from the ones to follow; the little toy soldiers, all in neat, alphabetical rows.

Trying to catch one last glimpse of Commander Erwin, she noticed the man standing beside him. It was, according to Shadis, Captain Levi. Unlike Erwin, Levi was nothing she imagined him to be. Humanity's Strongest Soldier was a pipsqueak with an attitude, barely above 160 centimeters, and seemed, even from a distance, to be pretentious and condescending. Though most stood above him, it seemed like Levi looked down on them all, save Commander Erwin, whom he seemed to show respect for. The way Levi tilted his head in Erwin's direction and quirked his brow at his remarks was somehow much different from the way he looked at everyone else. Nephele was glad he didn't send his gaze in her direction.

She marched to the beat of two hundred footsteps and didn't look back.

It had been a long time since Levi wandered the halls of the Southern Division Trainee's Squad. Every so often, Erwin would bring a few of his high-ranking officers with him to each division to help train cadets in the art of titan slaying, give information on the Survey Corps, and -though it was an unspoken goal- convince the idiots to join. Erwin had shown particular interest in the Southern Division because of the prowess of several cadets there. No doubt he wanted to refine their abilities into something he could use and recruit them into joining his ranks.

Levi flipped through the documents on the cadets that Erwin was interested in as they walked to the more comfortable quarters that those of higher rank stayed. Shadis's quarters were in a different area with the rest of the Division's instructors.

"This Mikasa Ackerman seems to be all the rage among the instructors," said Levi as he read her file, particularly the section where Shadis and his staff commented on. He recognized Shadis's messy handwriting, a product of the arthritis in his hands.

"They say she shows even more potential than you did," Erwin remarked, his deadpan expression betraying no hint of ill-will. He had already read all the paperwork, and was familiar with every phrase written on them.

Levi was unperturbed, exactly as Erwin expected him to be. "Yes, I read that part, courtesy of Corporal Bayer." Of course, Levi was familiar with most of the documents as well.

"She's our top priority. I know you hate these sort of things, but please try not to cause any trouble," Erwin admonished, casting a sideways, downward glance at the shorter man beside him. "This one," Erwin continued, handing Levi the file on Eren Jäger, "is Mikasa Ackerman's adoptive brother. The two are close, and it seems that Jäger has Ackerman's unwavering loyalty."

Though Eren's abilities were only slightly above average, his instructors praised his passion and initiative, which Levi was most interested in. As he read on, it became apparent that Jäger was hell-bent on joining the Scouts, and was driven by an almost terrifying hatred of titans.

"I see. However, I feel that we should instead focus on trying to recruit other trainees," Levi suggested, handing the papers back to Erwin.

"What made you come to that conclusion?" Erwin inquired, though there was no doubt in his mind that Levi had thought this through.

"Because wherever Jäger goes, his sister will follow. The only reason she applied to the Trainee's is most likely because of him," he said. The pair finally arrived at Erwin's quarters, and when the blonde unlocked the door with the key he had been given, Levi followed him inside. He swept his gaze across the room, his perceptive eyes missing not a speck of dust, and sneered. "Don't people realize that just because there's no one to make a mess doesn't mean that the room will stay clean? It's like they think dust is a myth," Levi muttered, stepping further into the room to run his fingertip over the oak desk. He scowled at the dust that collected on his finger like it was a dangerous pathogen.

"I'll be sure to have it clean next time you visit," Erwin promised with a slight smile.

"It better be spotless."

As Levi continued scrutinizing the small room, rearranging the military books stacked up on the bookshelves and muttering to himself about negligence and laziness, Erwin strode over to the desk and lowered himself into the leather chair. He set down the large stack of papers on the mostly bare surface and began flipping through them with his thumb and forefinger to ensure that they were in alphabetical order. He had copies of all the top twenty cadets and a few lower ranked trainees whose talents were in the classroom.

"We still have plenty of other cadets to choose from," Erwin reassured. He would have to investigate further into Ackerman and Jäger's relationship to ascertain whether he would have to get involved in her recruitment.

"Nephele Ambrosia," Levi suddenly murmured, looking up from the bookshelf. There were trails in the dust that he had paved with his fingers on the wooden shelves.

"Ah, yes," Erwin mused, procuring a piece of parchment from one of the desk drawers and dipping a quill into the complimentary jar of ink. "She's scored as second in her class. Odd name, too."

"I want her."

As silent as Erwin's own shadow, Levi came to stand in front of his desk, his hand on his hip as he looked down at Erwin. His chin was haughtily tilted up this time, which he hardly ever did towards Erwin. Everyone else, yes, but not Erwin.

"Why are you so insistent?" Erwin asked, his quill forgotten and bleeding ink onto the parchment, blotting out several of his precise, neatly written words. He'd have to rewrite it all.

Sighing, Levi's other hand found his other hip, and he shifted his weight onto his left leg.

"She's got a nice ass. Why do you think?"

"I'm not a mind reader." Although Levi was being disrespectful to his superior, Erwin seemed nonplussed. Because of his circumstances, Levi was often exempted from certain rules and proper behavior.

Levi's expression was hardly anything other than that of distaste. Sometimes though, his cold, steel eyes would flicker with some unidentifiable emotion, like when someone wakes him up in the morning and his eyes are glazed over with fatigue, or when he's riding his horse, driving it in a straight line towards titan territory and lets his mind wander behind him in the past, or when it rained. This was one of those moments, but Erwin had no idea what the trigger was this time.

This time, it wasn't even a flicker. This time, it was a spark.

Levi looked away and focused on a dusty, secluded corner of the rom. The angle was stitched together by a spider web. It swayed; a fly was entangled in the sticky threads, and was trying to pull free.

"She was wearing Ligeia's necklace."

* * *

Mikasa was getting her tanks refilled at the armory when she was summoned by one of Erwin's inferiors. She glanced up as soon as she sensed the presence of another person in the room, still tightening the knob to one her tanks. The brunette was as poised as a courier ought to be, his salute strong and his tone polite.

"Commander Erwin of the Scouts Regiment requests your presence," he said, his salute never faltering. "If you would follow me, please." It seemed like Mikasa had no choice. While she was deferential, she was by no means obsequious. As a soldier, she had certain duties to fulfill, even if she didn't feel up to the task.

Rising from the wooden crate that she was resting on, Mikasa brushed her pants of the dirt and dust that had accumulated on them. There was dust everywhere; blanketing the tables and dancing in the rays of sunlight filtering through the small windows high above their heads. The armory was a large room with many different nooks and crannies, and the cadets took turns cleaning it every night. By morning, a layer of dust would already be draped over the equipment and floor, and it usually took about four hours to be cleaned. The task was one of the most dreaded.

As silent as the dust that thickened the stale air, Mikasa followed the messenger out of the armory and back into the straight and narrow hallways. She prefered the armory; she appreciated its entropy.

Neither of the two said a word until they reached Erwin's quarters. Mikasa had no previous knowledge of where it was, but when they arrived, she labeled the room in her mental map of the cadet corps facilities. It was no wonder to her why she had been summoned.

"These are Commaner Erwin's quarters," announced the young man, who knocked on the oak door with the back of his hand. "Commander Erwin. I have brought Mikasa Ackerman as requested."

The floorboards creaked beneath Erwin's boots as he strode over to the door, the tapping of their soles as steady as the beat of a single heart. The door was of dark, polished spruce, the most abundant flora species in the area. The door knob was brass. It seemed that even the rooms reserved for commanding officers were built with the same materials as the rest. Mikasa speculated that this was because of their fixed budget. Even those of higher rank and status in the military couldn't afford luxuries unless they were in the MP.

Mikasa was front row to see the arrival of the Survey Corps the day before, and her first impression of Erwin was that he was a calculating and bold individual. She had paid close attention to his brief speech yesterday in case it concerned Eren's welfare, for she had already known what the Survey Corps intentions were in coming to visit the Cadets. Erwin had only announced that he and his officers would be assisting with the training of cadets in the art of slaying titans, and holding seminars discussing the Survey Corps and their goals. Those that were by his side had remained silent.

Now, she still had the same impression of Erwin. She decided that he was a difficult man to get to know and understand, but once you did it wouldn't be hard to guess his motives and judgement.

"Mikasa Ackerman," Erwin acknowledged with a small and polite smile, one that didn't reach his eyes but was appropriate enough for formal conversation. "Thank you for joining me." Next, he addressed his inferior with a simple, "You're dismissed," and waited for the man to salute him and leave.

"May I ask why you summoned me, sir?" she inquired, waiting for his permission to enter the room, or do anything for that matter.

"Of course. But first, come in and make yourself comfortable," he said, opening the door further so that she could step inside. He made his way over to the desk - which was cluttered with documents and files - and motioned for her to sit in the leather chair on the other side of it. She did as instructed, lowering herself into the uncomfortable seat.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Erwin asked, folding his hands in front of him.

"No thank you, sir."

"Very well. Can I interest you in some information?"

This took Mikasa off guard, though her stoic expression suggested otherwise. What information could Erwin possibly offer that could be of any interest to her? The only thing that mattered to Mikasa was-

"Your adoptive brother Eren Jäger has already come to me asking for a spot in the Survey Corps."

Of course. They already knew about their relationship, and were going to use it to their advantage. The military were scum: exploitive scum.

"You're probably wondering what my response was. I told him that once he graduates, he can make that decision for himself, but until then he should focus on his training," Erwin continued. "And now you're wondering why I'm even telling you this."

"What is it that you want from me, sir?" Perhaps her question was a bit imprudent, but she at least remembered to tack on the word 'sir' at the end of her sentence.

Erwin leaned forward in his chair, his expression unreadable. "I want you to at least consider joining him."

Mikasa already knew what her answer would be before she walked into that room. She glanced at the door, then back at Erwin, and abandoned all formalities.

"Wherever Eren goes, I will follow. You and your officers must know that by now," she answered, unblinking. Erwin noticed her jaw stiffen as the light refracted from her eyes, and decided to change his stance.

"This isn't anything personal," Erwin assured, intertwining his fingers. "We're low on numbers - lower than usual - and you're one of the strongest cadets we've ever heard of. We'd like to see your abilities firsthand, but according to your instructors' reports, you're talent is unprecedented. You could make a great difference in the fight for humanity's freedom."

"I've already given you my answer," Mikasa muttered. Ever since she agreed to join the Cadets with Eren and Armin, she had known that in the end she would follow him to the Survey Corps. Eren's determination was as unwavering as her loyalty, which was why her impending recruitment into the Scouts was inevitable.

It seemed that Levi's predictions were as infallible as ever. Erwin knew that he was taking advantage of the love that Mikasa had for her adoptive brother, but if he had to exploit her emotions in order to get her to join, he'd do so without question. He had done worse for better reasons before. It seemed that no exploitation was necessary this time, however.

"Very well." Erwin stood from his chair and remained like that for a few more moments. "I will be assigning Captain Levi to be your personal instructor for the next few weeks," he said, giving her no room for negotiation. "You will meet with him in the western training field tomorrow morning at 0600." He walked around his desk and came to her chair, holding out his hand for her to take. She took it, giving him a firm and steady shake, her eyes locked on his.

"Is there anything else you'd like to request of me, sir?" she asked, not a hint of sarcasm detectable in her voice. It was all in the connotation of her words: their formality. She rose from her chair, glad to no longer be sitting down. She disliked their difference in height and how he loomed over her.

"That'll be all, Ackerman." Erwin went to the door and opened it for her, suggesting that it was time for her to leave. "We'll be seeing each other soon."

'How fortunate.'

The air in Erwin's quarters had been even more thick than it was in the armory. Once she was back in the empty hallway, she took a deep breath and headed back to the armory to get her the tanks she had left behind.

* * *

Nephele lifted her flat, useless pillow and stared at the wilting bluebells that were beneath it. The brittle leaves had already crumbled off of their stems, which were starting to turn brown. The petals were almost completely drained of color, with only their tips dipped in the mauve hue her mother was so fond of. She pulled the thin blanket over her head and gathered the decaying flowers into one hand and ripped off their petals with the other.

Sasha was snoring loudly in the bunk beneath hers. The barracks were almost completely dark, but were alive with the cacophonous and lulling sounds of slumber. Her feet were cold, and the sleep wear she had been issued was itchy and two sizes too big. She ran out of petals and stuffed the bluebells' remains back under the pillow. She was exhausted, but she couldn't get very comfortable on that stiff mattress.

Nephele felt restless. She wanted to feel grass beneath her feet and the moonlight on her skin, so she ditched the heels and went out barefoot. It'd be easier to sneak out without all that noise anyways. She changed into a loose black shirt and a pair of gray slacks, checked the room to ensure that no one else was awake, and slowly opened the door so that it wouldn't creak.

Her heart was pounding against her ribcage. She usually didn't do things like this. Although sneaking out of the barracks was nothing compared to the treason she would be committing once she joined the Military Police, she was anxious about getting caught. What if they kicked her out of the Trainees?

'Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is so stupid.' Her thoughts were pounding against her skull, too.

Maneuvering the hallways was difficult with such scarce light. The dim sconces provided even less light than the full moon, whose light danced through the glass windows more elegantly than the sun's does. She was too busy staring out the window and gazing at the stars, wondering what they were, where they were, and what their names were to notice the figure silhouetted against the candle light.

"Where are you going?"

It didn't sound like a casual question. It sounded like an interrogation. Nephele's eyes flickered like the small flames of the candles around them to the man addressing her. She couldn't recognize him at first, and if it weren't for the deep, husky voice, she might have thought it was a woman speaking to her. because of his short stature and the hand resting on his hip.

"Bathroom," she replied, managing an even tone. She wouldn't be surprised if her heart was loud enough to give her away.

The moonlight was shining on Nephele's ivory face, making her tendrils of deep red hair seem to glow like fire. Levi stepped into the light, and Nephele froze as he assessed her. His gaze was so strong that it would have put the sun's brilliance to shame.

For several moments, the two said nothing. Levi had inevitably seen through Nephele's poor attempt at deceit, and rolled his eyes at her excuse, scoffing indignantly.

"That's shit," he muttered, and he said it so casually that Nephele wondered if the irony was unintentional. "You were sneaking out." He didn't phrase it as a question because he was so sure that this was the case. Nephele frowned, knowing that lying any more would make her situation even worse. She looked at her feet, which were bare once again.

"Yes, sir," she responded, lifting her head to stare him in the eyes as she confessed. "I couldn't sleep, so I-"

Levi cut her off with a sharp, "So you snuck out without permission, an act that may be punishable by dishonorable discharge depending on how your officer is feeling?"

Nephele wanted to lower her gaze once more, but she didn't want to come off as impertinent when she was already in trouble.

"Yes, sir."

Levi dragged a hand down the side of his face, his fingers tracing his cheekbone until reaching his chin. His brows were more furrowed than usual as he debated with himself on whether or not to report this to the higher ups. If he said all the right things, he could get her kicked out of the Cadets. He could keep the last good thing left of his past alive.

But it was her choice to die, her choice to forfeit her life for something she believed in. Joining the Garrison or the Military Police used to be safe several years ago, but not anymore. This is true especially for the Garrison, though Levi wouldn't be surprised if one day the Military Police as well are sent to the front lines. If Wall Rose fell, they'd be tasked with protecting Wall Sina.

He wondered what regiment she wanted to join, and why.

"Don't call me 'sir.'" Levi said the word like it was an insult to him. With an audible sigh, he let his hand fall from his face to dangle by his side. "And don't sneak out of your barracks without telling me."

Nephele was stunned.

"But I-"

"What are you, twelve?" he admonished, casting a sideways glance at her as he began to turn around. "Don't begin a sentence with the word 'but.' If you want to feel the grass beneath your feet every once in a while without one of your officers breathing down your neck and barking orders, find me."

His name was Levi. Just Levi. He had eyes the color of the blades he wielded and hair darker than black. He was a Captain of the Survey Corps, and looked good in green. He wore a cravat with his uniform, and didn't do well with authority. He was sarcastic, crass, and rude, but he was kind. Levi was a volcano; he was cold and hard on the surface, but underneath boiled a passion almost as hot as the sun, and it threatened to explode whenever someone cracked the surface.

That was all Nephele knew about him, and she wanted to know more.

"Do you want to go outside, too?"

He stopped. He tilted his head at her and raised a thin brow, his eyes sharper than those blades now. She was bewildered by the way the light danced in his irises the same way it refracts off of steel.

Levi had noticed that she hadn't necessarily given him a direct invitation to join her because it was too soon for that kind of informality. If, however, she had asked him to go with her, although he wouldn't have even considered it, he would have thought about what it might be like to share the company of someone else.

"I have work to do. Go already, before someone catches you." He had no intentions of escorting her out of the building, merely hoping that she wasn't stupid enough to get caught. If she did, it was out of his hands. He wasn't some babysitter, so if she got her ass in trouble, he wouldn't be to blame.

"Thank you, Captain."

…

Nephele was unfamiliar with the names of stars. She never bothered trying to give them names, deeming them too holy to be given honorifics by those beneath them. On that night, as she sat on the valley bluff trimmed with bluebells and wildflowers, she looked up at the sky and all of the stars suddenly had names. They shined like his eyes, and their names were Levi.


	6. Chapter 6: Lotus

**[AN] **lol crissy never updates this fic, or any of her other shit fics. let's throw rocks at her until she gets her shit together.

anyfuck, the song lyrics this chapter have nothing to do with the chapter itself. it's just how I'm feeling right now. *cough*

* * *

_Cause I'm sick of feeling that I'm late_  
_ Tired of having to restate "I can't just sit around_  
_ And wait, you're just not someone I can date"_  
_ Now look who can't hold their weight_  
_ I hope I'm wrong just for your sake_  
_ Using pills and flowers to sedate_  
_ Find me, heal me, keep my faith._

_'Solo,' The Story So Far_

**Chapter 6: Lotus  
**

Nephele could hardly keep her eyes open or her head up during breakfast. She had spent the previous night in the forest again, imagining that she could build a staircase from the stars and climb to the heavens. Her stargazing continued through morning, and she only returned to the barracks when the sun started to peek over the snow capped mountains miles away. And even then, Nephele lingered for a few moments longer to watch the sun spill its oil colors onto the canvas of the sky.

"You've barely touched your blueberry pancakes," said Armin from across the table, his blonde hair brushed neatly without any flyaways. His hair was rather lovely. If only his haircut wasn't so atrocious. "You must really be exhausted," he added.

Covering her mouth with a hand to muffle a yawn, Nephele nodded. The motion made her feel even more dizzy.

Armin was very observant. Nephele never mentioned it, but blueberry pancakes were her favorite, especially lathered in a copious amount of maple syrup and strawberry preserves.

"A bit," she mumbled, feeling weary. All of this sleep deprivation was causing small, light purple bruises under her eyes. At this rate, she was going to have crows feet by the time she was thirty. The thought mortified her.

"Are you gonna finish those?" Sasha asked through a mouthful of hash browns, pointing her fork at Nephele's plate. Her expression neutral, Nephele slid her breakfast over to Sasha next to her, who instantly began shoveling forkfuls of pancakes into her mouth. Considering how quickly Sasha consumed food, she wasn't that messy of an was a red strawberry stain on her cheek that she wiped with a finger and licked off.

"Couldn't sleep last night?" Jean inquired, leaning towards Nephele. His legs were crossed and angled in her direction, a hand beneath his chin for support. He wore a five o'clock shadow, which made him look dirty and masculine and tired, too. Nephele liked clean and feminine.

"No, I just couldn't get comfortable. Those beds are so stiff," grumbled Nephele, massaging the back of her neck for added measure.

Normally, Eren would have patronized Nephele for complaining, but lately the two had resigned to ignoring each other. Eren was too preoccupied with training with the Survey Corps to care about what Nephele was up to anyways.

Mikasa and Eren were having a separate conversation on the other end of the table. "You're so lucky, Mikasa," Eren said to the young woman next to him, his eyes wide with awe. "What was he like?"

Mikasa shrugged nonchalantly as she bit into a slice of buttered bread. "Normal, I guess," she replied coolly. You could never tell what the oriental girl was really thinking about.

Erwin did seem normal, but there was something about him that made Mikasa feel nauseous. Call it intuition, but she wasn't about to distrust the feeling in her gut that had so far been right all her life. Obviously, she wasn't about to tell Eren how she felt. He'd just disregard her opinion and say she was being silly and impulsive, that the great Commander Erwin could do no wrong and was the epitome of justice. Mikasa kept her mouth shut, brushing aside Eren's attempts to garner more information about his role model from her.

"Come on, give me _something_," Eren pressed, though he sounded more aggravated than pleading. Nephele looked over at the pair, and thought to herself about how volatile Eren was. He was a time bomb that could explode at any moment.

"There's nothing left to give," Mikasa said as she finished her meal. She waited for Eren and Armin to do so as well, and when they left the table, Nephele waved goodbye to Armin.

"See you in training, kid," she teased, smiling as best as she could without using too many muscles in her face. Even those were tired.

"Bye, Ambrosia," said Armin.

Eren didn't bid her farewell of course, but Nephele did catch Mikasa smile softly at her over her shoulder. It was the slightest tilt of her lips, but it lingered for a moment before she turned her attention back to Eren and left the cafeteria.

She was pretty when she smiled.

"Ready?" Jean's voice brought Nephele back to reality. As if she could shake her thoughts about Mikasa out of her head, Nephele nodded. Sasha had already finished her meal for her by now. Most of the tables were empty by now, and Nephele had languidly watched as her friends left one by one.

"Yeah. We should hurry, or Shadis will make us run around the fields until sunset," she joked, sliding off the bench.

"I'd pass out before then," Jean said, following suit. It was just them now.

By now, Nephele was already ahead of him. He didn't realize when he fell into step with her, marching to the tapping of her heels. It was a surprise that they hadn't broken by then from all of their rigorous training. Sometimes, Jean had the urge to say something to her- something meaningful. He just couldn't think of what that could be.

"We have ten minutes," Nephele noted, checking the clock hung above the doors before leaving.

"I wish I could smash it."

Jean stopped walking. He knew when she did, too, because he couldn't hear her distinct footsteps anymore. That pleased him, how she was waiting for him. When Nephele looked up at Jean, she followed his gaze to the mechanism that dictated them. The second hand moved slowly, counting down their lives, counting down to when morning training would begin. It was so slow, but resolute and unfaltering.

"There'll still be more clocks," Nephele promised, stepping closer. "Now if you don't hurry, we'll be late."

He finally did it. Jean said something meaningful, and it didn't even seem to connect with Nephele. He always thought of her as an introspective individual, the personification of beauty and earth, someone who would just understand you no matter what ludicrous thought escaped.

'_Maybe that's just her way of saying she understands.'_

Jean smiled. Nephele frowned.

He was pretty when he smiled, too.

* * *

Erwin was really starting to get on Levi's nerves. He didn't even need to say a word, and Levi still wanted to rip out his Commander's tongue with a pair of pliers. It had been a long time since Levi had felt such animosity towards his superior, back when he first joined the Survey Corps with Isabel and Farlan, against their will.

Without even having the courtesy to look up from his papers, Erwin finally addressed Levi, who had been impatiently awaiting orders for the last seven minutes and thirty nine seconds as he slowly paced around the office, making a fuss about all the dust Erwin was allowing to collect on the shelves. He 'accidentally' tipped over a vase while polishing it with a handkerchief, muttering an unapologetic 'oops' after it hit the floor and shattered. When Levi didn't even clean up the mess he made, Erwin still didn't acknowledge him.

"How is your training with Ackerman going?" Erwin asked as he inscribed something on one of the several sheets of parchment before him. Watching his eyes scan the pages, line after line, word by word, was giving Levi a vicarious headache.

"She learns fast." That was as close to a compliment anyone could hope to receive from the brusque man. He wasn't easily impressed, but even he had to admit that Mikasa was talented. So far, Mikasa had only walked out of each of their training sessions with a few minor bruises rather than broken bones.

Erwin trusted Levi's judgement and didn't ask him any further questions on the matter. When the time came, he'd evaluate Mikasa's ability and ascertain her progress for himself.

"You called me here to talk about Nephele." Levi's voice sounded more frustrated than usual. By the time Erwin finally looked up from his mountain of paperwork, Levi was at his desk, hands splayed out on several pieces of paper and causing them to crinkle like the skin beneath Erwin's eyes. "So talk."

Without even a sigh at Levi's brash behavior, Erwin removed his reading glasses and wiped their lenses with a cloth from his breast pocket, staring up at Levi with the patience of an aloof father, like he was about to say, "Are you finished?"

"Would you like to train her? I was going to ask Hange to do it, as I feared that your sentiments will get the better of you," Erwin suggested, bordering on patronizing.

Leaning forward with the support of his hands on the desk, Levi tilted his head to give Erwin his signature sideways, downwards stare that he gives everyone. The stare that with just the slightest quirk of his brow or the intensity of his gaze could make the burliest of men blush like a demure wife or tremble in fear.

"Really? I thought you would have wanted to exploit my _sentiments_," Levi muttered through his teeth.

"How would your feelings help me?" countered Erwin, putting his elbow on the desk to rest his chin in hand.

"Not directly, of course, but if I told Nephele what I know, she'll probably follow me to the frontlines." After a bout of silence, Levi leaned forward, his face inches from Erwin's now. "I could get her to be willing to die for me," he casually added.

After all, that's how he got Petra to join.

"Tell her nothing," Erwin demanded, now placing his hands clasped in front of him and his back straight. "I received information regarding her mother two days ago, and it'd be best if Nephele doesn't decide to do any digging."

A knock on the solid oak door turned the pair's attention to the young man on the other side.

"Commander Erwin. Your refreshments?" came the muffled voice.

"Enter," answered Erwin with a sigh this time. Levi lowered himself into the maroon leather chair as the cadet entered, pinching the bridge of his nose with indignation. There wasn't any space on Erwin's desk for the tray of tea, so the young man stood by patiently as Erwin pushed his papers to the side to clear a spot for it.

"Is there anything else you need, Commander Erwin? Captain Levi?" asked the stoic and well-mannered cadet. Erwin knew his name. Levi didn't care enough to. He wasn't relevant.

"You may leave now," Levi quipped, pouring himself a cup from the tea pot. He disregarded the sugar cubes, because he thought it masked the tea's flavor.

After a strong salute, the cadet exited the room, closing the door behind him with a heavy click.

Levi inspected the flowery design on his tea cup and platter as he took a delicate sip, his top lip collecting perspiration from all the steam. He stared at his muddy reflection in the caramel colored liquid.

"As I was saying," Erwin began, leaning forward to pour himself a cup, also neglecting to add any sugar. He liked his tea bitter. "Nephele is determined to join the Military Police, but perhaps we can convince her to change her decision."

Blowing gently on the rising tendrils of steam to watch them dance and dissipate, Levi responded with, "I can convince her."

"Good," Erwin approved, placing his tea on its platter. "Then you'll be training her every day at 0500 until we depart for the inner wall."

Levi has never refused a direct order from Erwin, but he has gone against a few of them. No matter the request, Levi never held it against Erwin or doubted his decision, even though manipulation is one of Erwin's deadliest weapons. Despite all of this, Levi had always had faith that Erwin was righteous.

So, Levi chose to continue following his Commander. And when the time comes and humanity's fate is sealed, he'll follow him to Hell.

"Yes, sir."

* * *

She was in a field of wildflowers. She was looking up at a sky more blue than her eyes. She was laying on her back in a field of wildflowers, watching for pictures in the clouds.

"Nephele? Are you alright?"

Sasha, Nephele's training partner for the day, crouched down on the dusty ground and hovered over Nephele's face, their eyes parallel. Waving her hand in front of her face, Sasha frowned. "Did you hit your head too hard or something?"

'_Good excuse. Yeah, go with that.'_

"Yeah," Nephele murmured, slowly sitting up and raising a hand to her forehead. "You got me good, Sash. I better not get a bruise or something from that beating," she teased, taking the hand that Sasha offered her and rising to her feet.

Now that Sasha had ensured that Nephele had sustained no immediate, life-threatening injuries, she celebrated her victory by jumping up in the air and shouting. "Yeah! Finally. I kicked Nephie's ass!"

Now it was Nephele's turn to frown. "Don't call me that," she said, crossing her arms. It didn't bother her that much that she lost the sparring match to Sasha. You can't always win them all.

"Don't make that face. You look like a pouty child," Jean chided, approaching Nephele from behind and tugging on one of her curls. Spinning around, Nephele brushed his hand away, her hand wrapping around his wrist. At the same time, she swept her foot behind his ankle, pulling on his arm to make him fall backwards and to the ground.

"Don't make that face, Jean. You look like a horse," Nephele mimicked, smiling down at Jean cheekily as he laid on the ground, grimacing in pain. With her hand still on his wrist, she hoisted him up. Jean scoffed and brushed the dirt off of his trousers.

"Bitch," he fired back, though their fighting was light-hearted. Neither of them held any malice towards the other, though because of their tones and the seriousness of their words, to a bystander it might have seemed like they were being earnest.

Sasha doubled over, hugging her stomach as if she was trying to contain her boisterous laughter.

"Nephie, you're-"

Just as Nephele was going to correct Sasha's use of her nickname, Shadis's voice interrupted the words and thoughts of every cadet, silencing them all instantly.

"Nephele Ambrosia!"

Although no one dared to look away from Shadis as he was speaking, Nephele knew that everyone's attention was on her. Why was he calling her name? Did Levi snitch on her after all?

Then she noticed him standing there. Hand on his hip, looking at the dirt beneath his nails. That's all she was to Levi: dirt beneath his nails that needed to be cleaned.

Without giving Shadis any time to say her name again, which would have really pissed him off, Nephele wove through the crowd of cadets. They didn't part like the Red Sea or anything like that. Everyone stood there, completely still and silent, barely looking at her for more than a second. Once she went up the small set of stairs and reached the line of officers standing on the pavilion, the flags of the three military branches and the Cadet Corps fluttering in the abrasive breeze, it was Shadis who first spoke to her, his hollow eyes even more dark as he stared down on Nephele, shadows outlining the details in his face.

With his tone lower and his voice quieter so that only Nephele and the officers around them could clearly hear, Shadis said, "For the next two and a half weeks, you will be personally trained by Captain Levi alongside Mikasa Ackerman."

The news came as quite the surprise to Nephele. Now that she heard it, she realized that she hadn't seen Mikasa during training today or yesterday, so she must have been exempted from them now that Levi was training her.

Nephele tried to remain stoic and composed as she responded with, "Yes, sir," and a solemn nod, placing her fist over her heart and turning to Captain Levi. Thinking about last night, she was reminded of how he told her not to address him as 'sir,' but surrounded by all of those commanding officers, Nephele felt like it was an exception to the rule. His calculating eyes were on her the entire time, and when her warm ones met with his, Nephele forgot what she was about to say. She saw mysteries and secrets in his eyes, unspoken words pushing against his teeth behind placid lips, and knew that Levi knew the answers to questions that she should be asking but didn't know of. "Thank you for this great honor, Captain Levi. I will perform to my best ability."

Lifting his chin in the air so that his gaze would be directed down on Nephele, Levi's thin lips formed the words, "I'm sure you will." Approaching Nephele, the rise and fall of his steel toed military boots echoed in her mind until he reached her, standing just a few feet away. In her heels, she was half an inch taller than him. "You can reject my tutelage if you wish. Individuals learn at their own pace and with different methods, so if personal training isn't suitable for you, you may decline, or return to your regular training sessions if you make a decision later on."

Erwin, who was seated beside Shadis in one of the wooden chairs, looked at Levi with an unwavering, solemn expression, but with a single glance in the blonde's direction, Nephele could notice the sudden tension in his hands as they gripped the armrests of his chair.

Giving Levi her undivided attention now, Nephele kept her fist over her heart, silently swearing her loyalty to him. The military was strange like that; soldiers pledged their trust and allegiance to people that they don't even know, for the lives of people that they don't know.

"I will train under you. Thank you for giving me a choice."

The wind felt like it was trying to push her in the opposite direction of Levi, but Nephele wouldn't let it sway her.


	7. Chapter 7: Daisies

**[AN] **first thing's first, I finally updated again! yaaaay... *crickets.* anywho, thank you for withstanding this fic thus far. if you guys have any suggestions on anything, let me hear 'em! sorry that I never ever update. my life is just really hectic, and I threw my laptop out the second-story window, so now I can only use my girlfriend's family laptop.

but seriously, it's like my life is the crazy train that ozzy is always singing about, and there are giant piles of shit on the railroad that keeps driving me off course.

Levi is probably extremely OC it actually makes me cringe. someone help me... he's a difficult character for me to write.

* * *

_That tattoo of your name,_  
_The number of your age._  
_I don't know what to say, _  
_I still think about you._  
_And those pictures in mum's house_  
_That I touch when I'm around._

_"Chin Up," Moose Blood_

**Chapter 7: Daisies**

"Having a dominant hand is dangerous, Ambrosia."

Spitting blood onto the ground, Nephele dropped her blades and put her hands on her knees as she stopped to catch her breath. Mikasa made training look so easy. She had no dominant hand, so her incisions were deeper and more accurate than Nephele's.

"Sorry. I'm a leftie," she muttered, head bowed. Training under Levi was humiliating. He always made her feel like she was less than a cadet. Like she was a pig with a sword, swinging blindly. The way he praised Mikasa made her feel even worse.

Well, praise was an overstatement.

"Start doing everything with your right hand from now on," Levi commanded, leaning down to pick up her swords for her. He plugged them both back into her gear, and his fingers just barely brushed against her shirt before retreating. It was strange, how such a simple action and the slightest bit of contact was enough to make her heart stutter.

Staring up at the clouds, Nephele stifled a sigh. She wasn't an idiot. She wasn't ignorant of her own feelings for her Captain.

Turning to Mikasa, Levi announced, "That concludes today's session. Report back here at the same time we began, as usual."

It had been Nephele's first day training with Levi and Mikasa, and her entire body already felt like it had endured multiple beatings over an extended period of time. Her arms were sore, and her head was throbbing from when Levi had bashed her on the skull with the blunt edge of his blade. The force and shock knocked her unconscious for a few minutes, and when she awoke, Levi had been looking down on her, his hands on his hips with a disapproving expression. Mikasa was sitting on a bench and cleaning her blades of dust with a cloth.

"Yes, sir," Mikasa said, saluting him with a fist over her heart. Nephele mirrored her actions. but not her words. When the pair turned to leave the training field, Levi called out Nephele's name.

Stopping, she turned around to acknowledge him, a brow raised.

When Mikasa was a significant distance away, Levi leaned in close to Nephele's ear. At the moment, she stood a bit taller than him, yet somehow he seemed to hover over her. Had they ever been this close before? She could feel his warm breath against her neck, and tried to suppress the chills that coursed through her veins. It didn't work. She shivered, and could have sworn to see him smile out of the corner of her eye.

"I suggest not letting your eyes wander during our next session, Nephele," he whispered, saying her name for the first time. He made it sound like a different language. "It might get you into trouble."

The chills were replaced with warmth that spread throughout her entire body like a fire that burned within her, but didn't scorch her flesh. Cheeks flushed a few shades lighter than her hair, she stared at his cheekbone, his expression hidden until he pulled back an inch and gave her a sideways glance. No one had ever looked at her like that before. It made her feel vulnerable.

It made her heart ache.

Straightening his stance, Levi's gaze hardened once more, and he shifted back into the man she was better acquainted with. The man who looked at her like she was a little girl, not a woman.

"You're dismissed," he said, turning on his heel and walking back to the Administrative Building. His sudden, drastic change in demeanor made her head spin and hurt even more.

It was only the first day of training, and now every piece of her ached.

Standing where Levi left her, Nephele turned her attention back to the wispy clouds. Her gear suddenly felt 10 kilograms heavier. How could she ever hope to conquer the government if she couldn't even conquer her own heart? It was so stupid to harbor such feelings for her Captain. He was only messing with her, after all. Maybe he was trying to distract her to see if she could handle the pressure?

When she looked over in the direction Levi went, she realized that he was gone. There was a vast expanse of open field that he had to cross before getting to the Admins' Building, yet he was already out of sight. Nephele couldn't imagine him running that distance just to get there. He didn't care enough to move that fast unless it was necessary.

So where the _fuck _did he go?

* * *

The injustice of it all was really starting to piss Eren off.

That red-headed bitch Nephele didn't even want to join the Scouts, yet she got to personally train under their most elite soldier. Mikasa deserved that privilege because she actually trained hard and wanted to join the Scouts, but Nephele was the exact opposite. All she cared about was her stupid heels and her stupid hair and her stupid… everything!

Armin looked at his friend with worry. His face was red and his expression belligerent, but Armin wasn't sure if it was from physical exertion or if something just pissed him off.

"You alright, Eren?" he asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. Eren rolled his arm to shake him off, looking in the opposite direction as his eyebrows relaxed a bit. Who knows what pissed him off this time.

"Yeah, of course I am. It's just bullshit how Ambrosia gets to train with Captain Levi when there are plenty of other cadets who deserve it more than her," he muttered, raising his blade once again. It was just a casual sparring session, and Eren hadn't even broken a sweat yet. Armin, on the other hand, was breathing rather heavily as beads of perspiration trickled down his forehead.

Armin tried not to sigh and roll his eyes. He should have known that was the reason for Eren's foul mood. Lately, Ambrosia had been all he could think about, even if those thoughts were negative.

"Well, she is second best, even though there's a decent sized gap between her and Mikasa's skill levels," Armin said, taking a few steps back and kicking up a bit of dirt beneath his boots. The ground beneath them was finer than dirt, and packed down more too. Face planting on this earth always had devastating consequences.

That was a fact that even Eren couldn't ignore. She was better than the rest of them, even though it was a marginal difference in strength between Nephele and Reiner, who was just barely ranked at number three.

"Yeah, but still…"

"Like I said, Nephele works hard. We're all here for different reasons, Eren. You don't understand her situation just as much as she doesn't understand yours." Raising his left blade and pointing it at Eren's chest, his arm trembling slightly from the weight, Armin changed the subject. "Now shut up and focus!"

Even though Armin's attempt to rile Eren up was a bit awkward, Eren smiled nonetheless at his attempt and lifted his blade. Even though Armin wasn't nearly as strong as Eren, he appreciated how his friend didn't go easy on him during their sparring matches.

"If you say so, Captain," Eren teased, and the clashing of their blades rang like bells chiming along with the rest of their fellow cadets.

* * *

It was Ymir's idea.

Although Nephele wasn't well acquainted with the freckled girl, there was something about her that she was drawn to. Nephele thought she was charismatic, but it might just be that Ymir appealed to her appetite for adventure. She was always ready to try new things and explore new places. Her eagerness sort of rubbed off on Nephele and the rest of the group. It might have also been because of how persistent she was in getting the other cadets to go along with her scheme.

The girls barracks were illuminated by a single candle. The majority of the female squad members were asleep in their bunks, oblivious to the plan about to unfold.

"Trust me, I know each and every one of the guards' shifts. I know how they rotate, when they rotate, and where," Ymir whispered, although it was clear that she was struggling to keep her voice low from all of the excitement.

"I wouldn't really call them guards," Krista piped in, her tiny voice trembling anxiously. "They're just soldiers."

"Whatever, details." Ymir waved her hand flippantly.

"I don't think this one's a good idea, idea, Ymir. We could seriously get kicked out of the Trainees," said Krista.

"Don't be such a wimp. As long as we're quick, quiet, and queer it'll all go smoothly."

"Queer?" Nephele's brows shifted in confusion.

Ymir scoffed, leaning forward in their little circle, a ring of conspiring girls around a flickering flame. She sat cross legged on the floor, her hands on her thighs. The circle consisted of Ymir, Krista, Sasha, Mikasa, and Nephele. The 'ferocious five' as Sasha liked to refer to them all as in a group.

"Yeah. It's the three Q's of thievery."

"I'm not quite sure that's a thing, but alright," Nephele shrugged. "So are we gonna do this or what?"

"I'll go," Mikasa answered, raising her hand.

"I guess so…" came Krista's voice from across Nephele. Although her nervousness was evident, it was obvious that she'd go along with whatever Ymir suggested.

Sasha was always gung-ho for anything dangerous and thrilling, so it was no surprise when she raised her fist in the air and proudly proclaimed, "Hell yeah we're doing this!"

"Damn it. I hoped to weed you out of the flock, Sasha. You're so fucking loud," Ymir teased. Sasha covered her mouth with her hand and gave an apologetic 'oops' with smile hidden behind her palm.

"Alright, now that that's settled, let's go see what those uptight assholes got to say about us in their reports," Ymir murmured, her pearly white teeth flashing in the dim candlelight. She had the grin of a feral animal about to pounce on its next unwary victim.

Nephele thought she heard a tiny 'squeak' coming from her the pocket of her trousers.

**…**

Trying to herd four other girls through the off-limits Administrative Building while bypassing wandering officers and keep the flock quiet proved to be a difficult task to tackle, even for Ymir. Sasha was the biggest problem. Occasionally, she would forget the mission and open her big mouth to spew something about how hungry, tired, or bored she was from the absence of conversation. Krista was just a clumsy oaf who tripped over her feet constantly and clung to Ymir's shirt as they traversed the narrow hallways.

Once they reached the corner that rounded into the hallway where the records room was, Ymir placed a finger to her lips as she took a quick peek into the hallway. The way her body moved made her seem like she had done this sort of thing before. It wouldn't be surprising if she ever revealed that she was a master thief before joining the Trainees, or if she at least dabbled in illegal trades like stealing.

One brief glance at the door, and Ymir swiftly hid back behind the wall again. She moved her hand to motion for the others to stand against the wall as she had, and they did as silently ordered.

"You gotta do me a favor, Kris," Ymir whispered in Krista's ear, leaning down to her height. The little blonde blushed and looked up at her, nodding. "Go back the way we came and take a left down the first hallway. Then, once you reach a fork, take another left. That hallway connects to the hallway where the records are, too."

"Oh no…"

"Oh yes," Ymir grinned, placing her head on Krista's head to console her. "The guard over there by the records room absolutely hates anything that carries diseases and germs. So…" Her voice trailing off, Ymir reached into her pocket and pulled out a squirming, squeaking rat. It's fur was matted and yet she handled the creature with little regard to its lack of sanitariness. Handing it to Krista, she continued. "Take this little guy and just let him loose into the hallway. I already trained him to go down the hallway you'll be in, so once you see that the guard is following it, head back over here."

"How do you know he'll take the bait?" asked Sasha.

"Trust me. I just know people," Ymir insisted. Krista held the rat close to her chest, ensuring that it wouldn't jump out of her hands.

"Okay. I'll do it," she murmured, a look of determination crossing her face. Ymir smiled like a proud parent and ruffled her soft hair.

"Sweet. Go make me proud, Krista."

Once Krista was out of sight and off to complete her part of the mission, Sasha shot Ymir a mischievous smirk and prodded her on the chest with her finger.

"Ymir likes Krista," she sang under her breath.

"So?" Ymir shrugged, not even bothering to hide the fact that she has feelings for the girl. Even though she was a dishonest thief, she still remained true to herself and her feelings.

Caught off guard by Ymir's blunt response, Sasha had run out of things to tease her about. It was hard to get under Ymir's skin about matters involving the heart, because she wore hers on her sleeve.

Ymir shifted her attention back around the corner to where the guard was. The rest of the group couldn't see into the hallway, so they all relied on Ymir's judgement to complete the mission.

Once Ymir had decided that the coast was clear, she motioned for the other girls to head into the hallway ahead of her. "Go, one at a time. I'll wait for Krista. And Mikasa, you're gonna be on look out if that's still cool with you."

Mikasa nodded and Nephele led the way to the records room, the group moving silently as their officers had instructed.. It's rather ironic that the skills they were given in training were being used against the very organization that taught them. Once they were at the door, Nephele briefly read the brass plate upon which the words "Cadet's Records" were inscribed.

"I got this," she ensured, removing two bobby pins from her hair. She straightened them out and pushed one into the keyhole, then used the other to lift the lock's pins. After several attempts, she was rewarded with a distinct 'click,' and removed the bobby pins from the keyhole, turning the knob and opening the door.

"How did you manage to do that?" Sasha asked, stunned as she and Mikasa followed Nephele into the room. Mikasa closed the door just enough for her to peer out the cracks between the door and the wall on both sides and relocked the door to make it appear as though no one ever broke in.

"I used to break into my parent's stables back home at night and ride around the forest nearby," Nephele admitted, smiling sheepishly.

Then, thoughts of her deceased parents turned sour. It had been quite some time since she thought about either of them, especially her mother. Nephele suddenly felt as alone as one could feel while surrounded by their friends.

None of the other girl's noticed her change in demeanor, even though Nephele wore an expression of indignation. She often translated sadness into anger, letting it fuel her hatred. There was no point in wallowing in one's own sorrow when that energy can be used to demolish the cause of one's pain instead. Titans were mindless, instinctive creatures unworthy of Nephele's hatred. They were only things to be killed. On the other hand, humans consciously murder, torture, and betray their fellow man, and therefore it is the monarchy that is to blame for the death of Nephele's mother. Although her father met his end in the jaws of a titan, the beasts couldn't be blamed. Of course, it was only right to exterminate them regardless, and anyways it would be best to keep a level head when indiscriminately slaughtering titans if she wished to keep it.

"Ymir and Krista are returning," Mikasa announced. Sasha and Nephele exchanged sighs of relief upon hearing the news. Mikasa opened the door further to allow the pair to pass, and returned it to its former position, turning the lock in case she would have to suddenly close it altogether.

Ymir wiped her brow with the back of her hand before placing it on her hip and flashing her signature winning grin. "Well, that should keep 'em busy for a while."

"What did you do?" Nephele asked, suddenly wary. Ymir was as unpredictable as she was cunning. That's what made her so dangerous.

"Nothing. I just caught that rat near its nest in one of the storage closets downstairs. There's a hole in the wall in the closet, and behind it is a whole bunch of the little guys. Great aunts, cousins, siblings, grandparents, great grandparents, like a huge extended family! I blocked all of the other holes it could have gone in so that it's only escape route would be in the storage closet, so it would lead the guard to the nest," she explained, though Sasha, Mikasa, and Nephele were still confused. What kind of plan was that anyways?

"How could a rat be so vital to this operation?" Sasha asked, scratching her head with her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Let's just say the guard who's been watching the records room these past few days hates disease-ridden rats," she said, not wasting any time on explaining the exact details of her plan. The guard could return to his post any minute, so she decided it'd be best if their time wasn't wasted on unnecessary clarifications.

Nephele shrugged, unperturbed. "Works for me." She was still too preoccupied with dreams of toppling an empire of pigs to care about the details. "Let's just get our files, read them, and get out of here."

Sasha reached into the satchel she had been carrying and retrieved a long coil of rope, knotted every meter of length. Krista opened one of the windows while Sasha placed the rope on a rickety wooden end table.

"Alright, who's jumping?" Ymir asked, looking around the room. The girls couldn't tie the rope to something once they tossed it out the window, because no one could untie it once everyone was on the ground below, and they couldn't leave behind evidence of their break-in. Someone would have to hold on to one end of the rope while the others climbed down it, then jump out the third-story window into a sheet the others would hold stretched out to break their fall.

"I'll-" Mikasa began, only to be interrupted by Nephele.

"I'll do it," she declared, tilting her foot up to inspect the sole of her heel, ensuring that nothing was stuck to the bottom of it.

"Shouldn't it be Mikasa?" asked Krista, afraid that she might offend the hot-headed, red-haired girl. After all, Mikasa was the current number one in the class, though Nephele held a close second.

"In terms of physical strength, yes. I've got a bit more upper arm muscle than any of you," she said, blunt and honest but without being too boastful of her abilities. Truth be told, Nephele could lift much more than Mikasa, whereas Mikasa had more strength in her legs. "Someone's gotta hold on to the rope while Ymir shimmies her fat ass down it."

"True to your name, eh Nephele?" Ymir said, smiling widely, unoffended. "I bet you're strong enough to lift the sky itself."

"The sky cannot be lifted. It is infinite."

"Quit your metaphors and find your damn file so we can get out of here," Ymir waved her hand as if she were swatting a fly and went off to find her own records.

The group dispersed, each girl searching through the file cabinets for their own name. Nephele gave a quick glance around the room, noting nothing of particular importance. The walls were lined with wooden cabinets, each labeled with a single letter. She doubted the 104th Trainees had enough cadets in its ranks to fill each cabinet, so they must have also been filled with records on cadets that had already graduated. In the center of the room was a pine desk, behind which sat a red leather chair, it's back to the window so that whoever sat in it would be facing the door and any who may enter through it. Upon the desk lay several quills, jars of ink, rolls of parchment, and a half-melted stick of red wax for sealing. Everything was neat and orderly, each quill placed in a clear bottle for storage, the rolls of parchment in a perfect row on the left side of the table, and the wax stick sitting in a bowl along with a ring bearing someone's seal. Nephele vaguely wondered whose it was before deciding that she had other things to worry about at the moment.

Most likely files were organized by surname, so Nephele went to the first cabinet filed 'A.' She noticed that each drawer had a strip of paper detailing different variations of the letter preceded by other letters of the alphabet. She searched for 'Am,' and opened the drawer labeled as such, turning her head to check the progress of her friends.

Sasha was already reading her file, her eyes squinting in a vain attempt to read the papers she held right in front of her face. It was no use in this darkness. Ymir, who had lit a candle that was stashed away in one of her pockets, rolled her eyes and went over to Sasha, reaching into her satchel to get her candle for her.

"Need this?" she asked, holding it before Sasha, who smiled sheepishly, her cheeks warming up from her chagrin.

"Thanks," she laughed nervously as Ymir lit the candle with a match.

Krista was reading her own file, her expression haunting. Nephele had never seen the warm-hearted girl look so cold. She wondered if it was something she read on her file that gave her usually kind eyes such a sharp edge, made her soft lips go thin and placid. Krista didn't even look like Krista anymore. Did she always look so pale?

Shaking her head, Nephele thought it best not to stare and let her thoughts linger. It was Krista's business, not her own. However, she couldn't stop herself from imagining all the secrets stored in those drawers, secrets about complete strangers and her closest friends. Certainly none of them could be too vital of importance though, or the files would be more heavily guarded.

_'First training. Then intel.'_

Nephele returned to her search, pulling the files forward. Luckily, each name had it's only folder so all she had to do was read the tabs to find her name. Amabili, Amai, Amarino, Ambach, Ambern, Ambers… Ambrosky. No Ambrosia. Not even a folder.

"Hey, I don't see mine," she called out to the other girls, confused as she continued flipping through the drawer. Maybe it was misplaced or something.

Sasha echoed her thoughts. She hadn't finished reading her report, and placed it on the desk to go help Nephele search for hers.

"'Model cadet, excels in everything. In fact, it's no overstatement to call the girl a genius,'" Ymir read aloud, trying to contain her snickering as she handed the papers back to Mikasa. "Dang, Mikasa. Shadis doesn't seem like the kinda guy to throw the word 'genius' around so lightly. Either he's seriously impressed, or seriously in love," she droned, wiggling her hips and bouncing them off of Mikasa's.

Unsure of what to say to that, Mikasa pulled her scarf up higher to conceal half of her face as she casted her eyes to the floor.

"I want to read Eren's…"

Sasha shuffled through a few other drawers with Nephele, pursing her lips. "I don't see anything, Nephele," she said with a shrug. By then, Mikasa had returned her file to its drawer and returned to her post by the door with Eren's report in her hands.

"That's annoying," Nephele droned, wondering why her report was missing. She didn't have much time to dwell on the thought before Mikasa's voice heralded their doom.

"Someone's coming," Mikasa warned, her voice as calm as the surface of a still pond despite the impending threat. Everyone immediately went into action as swiftly and silently as possible. Mikasa closed the door to make it appear as if no one ever passed through it, but even she couldn't dull the old and rusted hinges' slow, agonizingly loud creak.

"Fuck," Ymir hissed, stuffing her records back into their corresponding file, as did Krista. Mikasa hurried over to the 'Y' cabinet, returning Eren's report.

Adrenaline shot through Nephele's veins like an injection. She felt like such a fool. They were going to get caught. She gave the dimly burning candle in her handle a wordless whisper to extinguish its flame, her hands trembling violently.

"Hurry up!" Sasha called out to her from the window, her voice hardly above a whisper. The room was quiet enough for Nephele to hear her. She responded with a nod and put the candlestick back into her trousers while the other girls evacuated out the window. When she looked up, she saw a small stack of papers on the desk, just where Sasha had left her records.

_'Fuck.'_

The other girls had already begun their descent down the rope, Ymir being the second to last girl tasked with holding it. "Come on!" she insisted, leaving Nephele only seconds to deliberate. She could only hope that the officer on the other side of that door hadn't already suspected foul play. If she didn't put Sasha's records back, she'd be screwed either way…

Nephele rushed over to where Ymir was waiting for her and grabbed onto the rope, the material chafing her palms. It burned her skin even further once Ymir began going down it. She dug her heels into the wooden floor for some sort of purchase while Ymir descended. Once she was safely on the ground, the rope went slack and Nephele let go, watching it slither out the window. Rather than make the jump like she was supposed to, Nephele rushed over to the desk.

Quickly, she grabbed the papers and sustained a rather deep papercut in the process, her blood blotting out Sasha's name and date of birth. That didn't matter at this point. She returned the papers back to Sasha's folder when she heard footsteps approaching. From the footfall, she guessed they were male.

There wasn't any time for Nephele to escape with the other girls. She would have to somehow close the window behind her, and her accomplices wouldn't have time to get out of sight of the window in case someone decided to look outside, which she was certain would happen. No way did that door go unheard when Mikasa closed it. It was very evident that someone was here, and the girls needed a distraction if anyone had a hope of escaping this.

There was only one option to minimize the casualty count.

She stuck head out the window and looked down at her friends waiting below, who mouthed soundless words of encouragement to her and made gestures for her to jump quickly. The four of them each had a corner of sheet ready for her to fall into. By now, she was far over any fear of heights due to training, but that was one fall she was afraid of making.

"Go!" she said, her voice hushed. She wondered if they could even hear her, so she waved her hand to signal for them to leave. Before they could react, Nephele shut the window and turned to face the door.

She heard the faint chiming of a set of keys. There was no point in hiding. Hopefully the girls had enough sense to run before the guard decided to look out the window or something.

The door unlocked with an audible 'click' and although it was too dark to distinguish the man's features, Nephele recognized the silhouette standing in the doorway.

"We really need to stop running into each other like this, Nephele," said Levi.

"Captain," Nephele greeted casually. No way in hell was he going to let her off the hook a second time.

They remained quiet for a while, so Nephele guessed that he was thinking about what to do with her. Did he have the authority to kick her out of the cadets? She wouldn't be surprised if that was his verdict. It didn't seem like he particularly enjoyed having to train her every Monday through Saturday.

"Get out," he ordered, his tone firm and resolute. He had a hand on one hip, head head angled to the side.

"But-"

"Are you deaf?" Levi jeered, growing increasingly annoyed with Nephele. Did she want to be punished or reprimanded? Unclean thoughts began to dirty his mind at the thought, but now wasn't the time for that. He had just dealt with an infestation of rats, and certainly no longer had the patience for bratty girls. "I said _get out_."

This was ridiculous. Levi must have had some sort of ulterior motive. Military officers don't just hand out free passes to disobedient cadets who've broken the rules more than once.

Wait a minute…

"You…"

"Out with it, brat," Levi insisted, wondering what her accusation would be. Maybe she found something of value in those dusty drawers, though he highly doubted that. "Are you deaf and mute, or just plain stupid?" His words might have suggested one thing, but his actions vouched for Nephele's explanation.

"You like me," Nephele blurted, immediately regretting the words as soon as they left her lips. She covered her mouth with both hands, as if she was literally trying to hold her tongue.

Shocked by her blunt allegation, Levi stared at her with raised brows. There was no doubt in his mind that he was attracted to her, but harboring any romantic feelings was out of the question. The man didn't even know if he was capable of such sentiments.

The only person he ever felt that way about was Isabel.

"I think you want me to like you," he countered.

"Well, what else am I supposed to think? You flirt with me during training even if it's weird, off-handed and passive aggressive. And you keep turning your head the other way when you catch me doing things I'm not supposed to."

"Do you want me to like you?" he rephrased, his voice quieter, less firm. She watched nervously as he stepped further into the room, closing the door behind him. He locks it.

"I want you to be honest with yourself. And me."

"I'm curious. When did you start feeling this way?" he asks, not even bothering to question her feelings for him. He just assumed. No; he knew.

Thinking back to their first conversation, Nephele finds the answer easily. "When we first met."

Levi walks closer so that Nephele could see his ashen features in the moon's reflected light. She's never felt this way about anyone before, not even Prince Charming Erwin whom she fantasized about as a little girl. Levi was a predator to titans and people. Instinct told her to fall back and retreat because nothing about him was safe. It's no wonder she joined the Trainee's. Apparently she was attracted to mystery and danger.

There were so many factors Levi had to take into consideration. He should wait to pluck the fruit when it was ripe, he shouldn't be doing this because it's so wrong for all the right reasons, but fuck did he want to kiss her. Those small, heart-shaped, pouting lips probably tasted as good as they looked.

Only then did Levi really notice her. Sure, he'd spent part of their daily sessions staring at Nephele's curvy ass and breasts dewy with perspiration, but it was her body he had taken note of. Now, he noted the freckle on her left cheek, the scar on her forehead hidden beneath her straight bangs and wondered what the story behind it was. She had such elegant posture and poise, small hands, a round face, and the healthiest hair he'd ever seen. She was so clean and well groomed, and for the first time in a while, Levi wasn't entirely repulsed by the idea of laying with someone.

He was going to kiss her because he wanted to, not because Erwin ordered him. For once, Levi would do something he wanted, and that was Nephele.

Levi moved in on her, becoming light headed when he saw Nephele take a hesitant step back until her thighs met the window sill, causing her to stumble and sit down on it. His gaze followed hers as it swept hesitantly outside, peering into the darkness, then flickered back to him. Her hands tightened around the polished oak.

"Captain Levi."

He was before her, one hand on her thigh and the other lacing its fingers through her loose curls, shiny and soft as ribbons of silk, but making sure not to unravel them.

Nephele's hand came over his, and the action was oddly comforting. But when she pulled his hand off her thigh, her expression solemn, he froze.

"No."

When was the last time Levi got rejected? It was Petra, over a year ago surprisingly. Despite her feelings for him, she, too, denied his advances. That was sex, but this was just a simple kiss.

"Women," he muttered, pulling his hand from her grasp like she had shocked him to drag it down his face in exasperation. And truly Nephele did shock him, in more ways than one. "You're all so obsessed with courtship."

"I want to fall in love with you first," she declared, staring him straight in the eyes. Levi decided he liked that about her. Most would avoid his steely gaze, but she held the blades in her hands and her grip was strong.

"What makes you so certain you will?" he asked, his initial objective the last thing on his mind at that point.

"The stars said so."


	8. Chapter 8: Thyme

**[AN] **don't worry, all of this disgusting fluff will burn like a marshmallow on fire soon enough. after this arc, I'll be focusing much more on Nephele's career as a soldier of the Military Police, and things will (hopefully) get more interesting. just bear with me for a few more chapters, then you won't have to deal with all the sickening OOC Levi fluff, and instead you will be handsomely rewarded with the blood of all your favorite characters! Hooray! angst! tears! DEATH!

as a side note, the book given to Nephele is an actual book that I have never read, so I am unsure of his actual contents.

I have mediocre plans for this fic, my lovely slaves *cough* I mean readers. just kidding, I love all of you guys. every time I see a favorite or follow or review, my icy heart melts a little more.

I wrote this while listening to the Death Note OST. so fuckiing good.

* * *

_"Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty." - __Stephen King, The Dark Tower_

**Chapter 8: Thyme**

The Survey Corps was scheduled to leave the same day that cadets were authorized to visit nearby towns and villages at their leisure. With all that their commanding officers were tasked with that day, it was decided that the cadets should spend time outside of the camp rather than have their superiors "babysit" them. Not often were the soldiers in training allowed such a privilege, so most donned their casual attire and went to Dunstad, the largest town in the area. It was only five kilometers north, an easy distance to travel astride horses, especially those bred for scouting missions.

Scores of cadets flooded out of the dining hall after breaking their fast, all in amiable spirits and laughing with one another as they made plans for the rest of the day.

"I just want to eat something that isn't soaked in vinegar for once," Jean explained to Marco as they stepped out into the morning sunlight. "I'm sick of all this soldier food. It's always beef and potatoes."

"I bet we can find a stall selling fresh baked bread," Marco said, shielding his eyes from the sun with a hand.

"I don't know how Nephele gets proper nutrition since she cuts out meat from her diet. It's not like we have a wide array of food," Armin mused as he walked alongside the pair.

Overhearing their conversation, her attention piqued at the mention of her name. Nephele saw the top of Jean's head above the crowd and pushed herself through the throng of people to get to his side.

"Excuse me," she apologized to those she passed, reaching them just as the crowd began to disperse and set off in opposite directions. "I heard you guys talking shit."

Startled by the sudden interruption, Armin jumped at the sound of Nephele's voice before smiling sheepishly at her as he always does. "Oh, Nephele. No, we were just-"

"Yeah? And what're you gonna do about it?" Jean teased, his wolfish grin completely different from Armin's shy smile.

"I'll shove that shit back down your throat," she warned. People who overheard the words Nephele and Jean were throwing back at each other didn't dwell too long, though their eyes did otherwise. To an uninvolved bystander, it would seem like the two were being serious.

"Maybe I'll shove m-"

"Alright, that's enough!" Armin intervened before things escalated too far, covering Jean's mouth with both hands. Laughing nervously, he excused Jean and himself from the group, whisking the male away before he got himself in trouble with the fiery red-head.

Now, it was only Nephele and Marco. Scratching the back of his head almost awkwardly, Marco turned to her and apologized for Jean's behavior.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" Marco asked, confused.

"Take responsibility for other people's actions, I mean. You're always trying to be the mediator."

Silent for a moment, Marco then smiled kindly down on Nephele. He was everything good and just in the world. It made her happy to know that she'd have a few friendly faces with her in the Military Police once they graduated, yet she knew that in the end, Marco would fight for the government he so honorably swore to protect. The King she meant to kill. That saddened her even more.

"I just don't want my friends mad at each other," he said frankly.

Unsure of what to say, Nephele waited for him to change the subject. Sure enough, he did.

"So, what are your plans for the day?" he asked.

"I dunno. Probably just paint my nails or something." Raising her hand to inspect her nail beds, Nephele frowned. They were now calloused and ugly from training, and her cuticles were atrocious. She used to always have polished nails, though now there was no point because they'd always chip the day after. Chipped nail polish is worse than no nail polish.

Brows raised, Marco asked, "Really? I'm surprised you're not going to Dunstad with everyone else. There's probably a lot of nice boutiques there."

Nephele didn't want to tell anyone why she was staying. So, she shrugged her shoulders and said, "I just want to relax for once. All this training is rather… tiresome."

In reality, she just didn't want to miss the Survey Corps' departure. She wanted to give Levi one last goodbye.

* * *

It had been a while since Nephele had ventured past the surrounding forest, yet oddly enough she didn't have that familiar wanderlust tugging at her legs, urging them to move forward. The chance to go on a long awaited shopping spree didn't even appeal to her either.

She might never see Levi again.

Instead, Nephele sat on the most verdant lawn she could find, the smooth bark of a pale birch tree against her back as she polished and buffed her nails to perfection. The tiny brush was given to her by her mother, Ligeia, when she was five. It was crafted out of horsehair and something called ivory. Ligeia told her that it was an ancient family heirloom, older than the walls and the titans, as old as the big tree in their neighbor's yard back home. That home no longer existed.

The ivory depicted intricate and detailed carvings of thorned roses. Ligeia told her that the strongest beasts to exist hundreds of years ago had bones and teeth made out of ivory. Ligeia told her lots of stories.

When Nephele's nails were turquoise and dry, she inspected her work. Raising her hands to the sky as if she were to grasp the sun and clouds, she squinted her eyes at them. As expected, they were almost flawless.

Too distracted by her nails, as petty as that sounds, Nephele failed to notice Levi's presence until he spoke, startling her in the process.

"Still here, huh?"

Gasping, Nephele dropped the tiny vial of polish, which subsequently spilled all over her beige trousers. She groaned with despair and didn't even bother to wipe it off with her hand at that point. It'd be best to let the lacquer dry, she decided, and see if scraping off the dried polish would salvage her pants.

"Still here," she muttered, screwing the brush back into the almost empty vial. She didn't sound too pleased to see him, though of course that wasn't the case. Levi stood with his shoulder leaning against the tree, arms crossed as usual. To her, it seemed like a defensive stance. He was a very guarded and cautious individual.

"Why aren't you out gallivanting with those raucous friends of yours?" he asked. His condescending tone made her feel like a kid.

Sighing, it became clear that her feelings were one sided. It wasn't anything personal, she knew. Levi was a soldier. He couldn't afford to leave his heart with someone else when his body could perish at any given moment out on the field. Even soldiers have their hungers for human flesh, just as titans do, though their desires are much more primitive. All she was to him was a distraction, a means to pass time until the next expedition beyond the walls. It was better that way anyways. Their paths met here, but after that they would travel in opposite directions. Regardless of all that, she did not want to appear emotionally vulnerable to Levi.

"It's annoying to shop with multiple people," Nephele offered. "I'd rather do it in groups of two or three, otherwise I have to deal with conflicting opinions on outfits and-"

"Do you care about anything other than flowers and clothes?" he interrupted, frustrated with the topic. She was such a fickle girl. A pretty, fickle girl.

"Obviously. Just because I like those things doesn't mean it's all I care about," she spat back, frustrated with Levi as well. He was so… Inconsiderate! Rude! He was just like everyone else who ridiculed or thought less of her because of the things she enjoyed.

"You-"

This time, it was Nephele's turn to interrupt. Without even letting him get out more than a syllable, she yelled at him, "This world's ugly enough as it is, so why should I have to be ugly too?"

Levi stared at her, arms cross, expression placid, and finally began to understand Nephele.

"Here." Levi knelt down on the grass before Nephele to hand her the book he had been holding. The book itself was hardcover, the color of dead grass, and depicted four separate images of herbs that she couldn't name. Across the top was inscribed "Earthwise Herbal: A Complete Guide to Old World Medicinal Plants," and beneath that the author's name Matthew Wood. The pages were yellowed and crisp with age, yet the book was in fair condition.

Taking the tome from him, her grasp as light as that of a child's, Nephele stared at it for a while as it sat in her lap. She could feel his gaze on her face, which was still hot from anger and embarrassment.

"What's this for?" she asked, bewildered.

"So that you can learn something of actual merit. Flowers are okay to look at, but that's all they're good for."

"Thank you," she murmured, aware of how close they were. If it were anyone else, she'd explain the uses and properties of every flower whose name had ever left her lips, defending her passion, but instead she was tongue-tied.

"It's several hundred years old. Hange likes to keep books from before the existence of titans. I managed to get this one out of her hands," Levi told her, still not leaving her side.

Finally looking up, Nephele smiled and pulled the ancient book to her chest. "Thank you," she repeated, realizing how valuable such a piece of literature was. She'd never even touched something so old and full of history. She wondered who had read it before her hundreds and hundreds of years ago. She wondered what kind of world the author lived in when he wrote it.

Giving her the smallest of smiles, Levi said nothing. For an instant, Nephele imagined what it would be like to hear him laugh. That was the first time she ever saw his expression change into one of happiness, and it was a memory she hoped to bring with her to the grave.

"Alright. I'll be going," Levi began as he stood. Like this, he towered over her. Nephele was always around him in her heels, and she wondered how it would feel to stand next to him barefoot. "Hange would leave this place a bloody mess if I didn't clean up after her ridiculous experiments."

Frowning, Nephele realized that she truly didn't want him to leave. Fantasies of riding alongside him in battle, cloaked in green, made her heart soar like the Wings of Freedom had been stitched onto it. It thrilled her to pretend just for a moment that she was one of him.

"I'll do it. I'll clean her room once you're gone. But in exchange, you have to fight me. No rules or holding back," she offered, standing up as well.

There it was; that spark of steel on steel in his silver eyes.

"How will I know you'll get the job done?"

"Well, it's not like I'd ever lie to you," she shrugged, and noticed something change in his expression that made her stomach twist in knots. He casted his eyes to the sky, avoiding her gaze.

"I suppose not," he murmured, his voice a faint susurrus.

"What's with the skepticism?" Nephele teased, tapping him on the shoulder with her fist. It was a casual gesture of familiarity that made Levi quirk his brows. Lowering her hand slowly, she frowned for the second time, feeling like an ignorant fool.

"I hope you realize what you've bargained for," Levi warned, sounding almost playful. Whenever he said something with such suggestive connotations, it always made Nephele's head spin and her heart dance.

"A few broken fingers, probably. Definitely a shit ton of bruises." Grinning, she held out her hand for him to take. "Deal?"

Crossing his arms almost defensively, Levi stared at her hand. "You must be a masochist." Yet Nephele would not relent. Holding her small hand in front of her, she gave Levi a look of such unwavering faith that he was the one who gave in. Rolling his eyes, he turned his body away from her, his hand shooting out to take hers. His grip was firm yet gentle, warm yet sent shivers down her spine.

"Fine. Just don't cry when I snap those pretty fingers of yours," he said, his hand sliding until he held hers like a gentleman would, his thumb gliding across a polished nail.

"Pretty girls don't cry."

...

Sweat and blood married on Nephele's flesh as rivulets trickled down her forehead the color of a liquid sunset. Her chest felt like it would cave in every breath she took, yet still she insisted that they continue.

"You're either too stupid to feel pain, or too stupid to back out," Levi mocked, flicking his wrist. It was sprained from when Nephele gave it a whack with a dulled, metal blade.

"Oh, believe me. I can feel this," she assured, her left arm dangling uselessly by her side. It wasn't broken, thankfully. Levi apparently had extensive knowledge about pressure points on the body. Where he gained such knowledge, she had no idea, nor did she want to know. Nephele decided that the mysterious types were mysterious for a reason.

Without warning, Levi sprang back into offense. Although she couldn't see his blade due to how swiftly it was swung in her direction, she could hear it slice through the air. She followed the path of travel of his arm as well, and judged on those factors alone where and when his blade would land. Whether it was luck or skill, she managed to avoid his attack, and countered it with a feint to his left side. He followed it, raised his blade to match hers, and left his right side unprotected. She let the edges of their swords collide before gliding her edge along the length of his own to give it momentum for her next swing as she stepped around him a hundred and eighty degrees to deliver what would have been a fatal blow.

Everything went silent. Instinct overcame Nephele, paralyzing her with fear. She felt a weight on her blade as if someone was stepping on it, and that burden quickly disappeared. For that fraction of a second, her eyes were open but unseeing. Where was Levi? She just had him cornered, and now he was no where to be seen. Her heart thundered in her chest, each beat screaming at her, "_Something is wrong!" _It hadn't occurred to her until that very moment, beneath the blistering sun and Levi's sword, that she had never before known true despair. Levi's desire for Nephele's death seemed almost corporeal, like a parasite had burrowed into her skull and embedded itself into her brain, disconnecting the nerves to her body so that she couldn't even move.

"Levi-"

First, there was a crack that thundered in her ears like shattered glass. There were two after that immediately after. Then came awareness, and Nephele knew that Levi had just shattered her leg. Stunned and unable to support herself, she saw the blue sky unfold in front of her like a curtain. She hadn't known that something as minor as breaking a leg could be so… overwhelming. It didn't hurt initially, but she was terrified. She was going to fall and crack her skull open, too, and couldn't help but wonder if she'd hear that crack as well, or if she'd hear nothing but the stifling silence of death.

But the sky was still looming ahead. There was no black, just endless blue. And then there was Levi's voice, his face above hers, his legs beneath her head, the ground below her body. She felt like she was going to puke.

"Stay still. I don't want to move you, so just wait for the medics to arrive."

"You broke my fucking leg," she groaned, the pain beginning to register in her head now.

"Would you rather I had broken your ribs so that they pierced your heart? Or your skull? I underestimated my own strength, it seems, and I knew that if I struck anywhere else you probably would be dead. I couldn't stop my blade," he explained. He sounded completely unapologetic for his actions. Nephele didn't know if she was nauseous from breaking her leg, or from Levi.

"Why do you do this to me?" she asked, turning her head to hide her face in his coat. He was warm and strong, like a cup of black tea. At least one good thing came out of this ordeal - she was touching him.

Brooding in silence for a moment, Levi finally chose to answer. "I owe it to someone."

Groaning, she raised her hand to cover her eyes. "Great, someone wants my heart _and_ leg broken." Today was a complete mess, and she had once again been made a complete fool out of by Levi himself.

"No. Someone wanted you alive."

Not long after that, the medics arrived to place Nephele on a stretcher and escort her to the infirmary. Commander Erwin was not far behind, flanked by Shadis and Hange. The two former didn't seem pleased in their own respective ways, though the latter had not a care in the world as usual. Once Nephele and the medics were gone, and Erwin had apologized to the girl on Levi's behalf, he turned to the man in question.

"Explain to me how this sparring match went afoul," he ordered. Any other soldier would shudder beneath his watchful gaze, yet Levi was far beyond hope of intimidation. He's stared into the eyes of beasts much more formidable than Erwin Smith.

Staring him directly in the face, Levi said without hesitation, "My hand slipped."

Shadis was not so calm. "How dare you injure one of my best trainees? Do you realize the damage you've caused? She could be incapacitated for months! I should have you fined for this," he yelled, spit spewing from his chapped lips.

"Yes, I'm aware of the limitations of having a broken leg." Though no saliva got on him, Levi dabbed at his cheek with his cravat in disgust, if only to mock the man.

"You impudent little-"

"That's enough, Instructor Shadis," Erwin tried to placate him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I will ensure that Captain Levi is punished appropriately. He is under my command, after all. I'm fully capable of handling him."

Frowning, Shadis nodded in submission. He couldn't argue with his successor, the current Commander of the Survey Corps. Levi was Erwin's soldier to discipline, not his, though he wished he'd keep the miscreant under better control. He was too wild, too free-willed.

"Of course, Commander. I trust you can deal with this situation appropriately, though if you don't mind I'd like to hear your decision once you've made it." Then, turning back to Levi, the darkness around Shadis' eyes seemed to turn darker, isolating them from the heat of his sunburnt face until they seemed cold. It was a different expression from what he sent towards his trainees to frighten them. It was one of contempt. "I hope you realize that you might have just caused irreparable damage to a potential soldier for humanity's fate. She most likely won't be able to graduate this year."

"I could probably mend the leg better than any of these half-trained medics," Hange assured, pushing their glasses farther up the bridge of their nose. Most of the military's best doctors were stationed with the Survey Corps and Garrison, where they were needed most.

"Then I ask, Shadis, that you entrust Nephele's care onto Hange. She'll be in better hands, I can assure you," Erwin said to his predecessor.

"I trust your judgement, Erwin. I'd like a report from you, Hange, on her condition, the circumstances of her accident, and estimated time of recovery. I'll take my leave now. There's plenty of loose ends left to tie up before the lot of you return back to your headquarters." Without another glance at Levi, his hands clasped together behind his back, Shadis marched back in the direction of the main building.

Watching Shadis' back, to the untrained eye it would seem that Erwin was as calm as ever. His two most trusted aides could still distinguish the slight changes in his demeanor and tell that he was far from cool and composed. His jaw clenched and unmoving, his thick brows hanging slightly heavier on his face. "Hange. Leave us."

"As you wish," they obliged, much more interested in the state Levi had left Nephele's leg in than him being reprimanded.

Once they were gone, Erwin turned on Levi. These past two weeks had lightened the purple bruises beneath his eyes and brought a bit of color back into his face. At least he had able to take a respite from the stress of his position as Commander of the Survey Corps, though the Trainee's was still a far cry from a luxurious vacation resort.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you."

Levi didn't even bother trying to hide his true intentions from Erwin. Though he was disobedient, he wasn't as much of a craven to lie to his Commander's face.

"I did."

"You do realize that you took away her chance to make her own decision, don't you? If Nephele had chosen the Military Police, she'd have been safer behind Wall Sina. You robbed her of that choice," accused Erwin.

"She would have chosen the Survey Corps eventually. She's rather infatuated with me," Levi insisted without a single doubt in his assumptions. Sighing, he placed his hand on his forehead and closed his eyes, running his fingers through his hair. "The brat will graduate this year, on time. I'm not a fucking idiot. I didn't shatter her fibula and tibia or anything, just snapped them in half. I think I gave her a few hairline fractures on top of that, though. I'd give her three months before she can return to training, which leaves plenty of time for her to bring her grades back up."

"You just wanted her to hate you so that in the end she'd join the Military Police. Is that it? You undermined my authority, Captain."

"Indeed I did, _Commander._"

Breaking legs was cleaner than breaking hearts, Levi thought.

* * *

Thyme's medicinal uses are rather broad. Different species of the herb, according to the book Levi had given Nephele, could combat high blood pressure, acute bronchitis, digestive problems, arthritis, and boost the immunity system. It could even be used as a disinfectant against mold and to ward off insects like mosquitos.

The genus name, _Thymus, _is of Greek origin, which is Nephele's own heritage.

More interestingly, Nephele learned from this herb of a strange, ancient race called the Egyptians, who used thyme in a process of mummification. Honestly, she didn't really know what the fuck that meant, though assumed it was a way they preserved bodies of the dead. The practice sounded impractical and repulsive. Wouldn't they run out of space to keep all of the dead bodies after a while? These days, it was customary to burn the deceased so that precious land wouldn't be wasted on those who were no longer alive to stand on it. Only nobles could afford the luxury of being buried.

The Victorians, another elusive race that Nephele had never heard of, held belief that patches of wild thyme growing in the forest were the dance floors of woodland fairies that had sprouted beneath their feet as they danced in the night. Nephele liked that myth a lot.

Many cultures also suggested that thyme promoted courage and was a common symbol of fortitude. Knights would down drinks seeped with the herb before battle.

If only Nephele could have a cup of thyme tea, to erase her fears and dread. With her leg now broken and restricting her to a cot in the infirmary for a few weeks, Nephele feared that she'd be expelled from the Trainee's. She wouldn't be able to train any longer, and by the time her leg was healed she'd have to regain all of the lost muscle. It was likely that she wouldn't graduate with the 104th Trainee's Squad. Even if she did recover in time to rebuild the body she worked so hard to create, it wouldn't be strong enough to catch up with her peers and push her back into the top ten so that she would be eligible for the Military Police.

The Survey Corps returned to their headquarters several days prior, and Levi hadn't even said goodbye or apologized for what happened. After the incident, suddenly Levi seemed so inconsequential. There were far more important things to worry about than Humanity's Strongest Soldier. He could take care of himself. He took pretty damn good care of breaking her leg, after all.

The only comfort Nephele had now was in the wilted, yellow pages of the book he had given her. She learned quite a bit about the properties of countless herbs, and ancient lore on top of that. She now understood why Armin was so engrossed by the world before the titans. It sounded like a place of magic and intrigue and culture. Where is the culture now? Was the magic of the Old World eaten by the titans, too?

At least the bed in the infirmary was much more comfortable, though Nephele's leg still ached with a constant, throbbing pain so it was hard for her to fully enjoy it. The walls were white, the sheets were white, and the gown they gave her to wear was white. It seemed like she had drained all of the color out of everything around her. With the window open to let in the cool breeze, she could often hear Shadis shouting orders and insults at the cadets, the thundering march of hundreds of feet, and the occasional cacophonous roar of every cadet's voice as one. She wished to add her own voice and march to theirs.

Outside her window she could see a single tree. It was the birch tree that she had sat beneath when Levi handed her the book she now had in her lap. It was rather large for a birch tree, though not quite as large as an oak. Transfixed by the unchanging picture, framed by the window itself, Nephele heard the door to her room open though she didn't turn her head to see who it was.

"You look like a ghost with fire for hair," Shadis said from across the room as he entered. They had spoken personally a several times in the last few days about the incident, though Nephele still refused to blame Levi for her broken leg. She claimed it was an accident on both of their behalves.

"It's the sun. I lose my color rather easily."

"You're Greek, right? Your race is one of the many that have been almost entirely wiped out. I believe you and your parents are the last of your kind. Though my studies have suggested that your people were olive-toned and either blond or brunette," Shadis went on, sitting on a chair beside her bed. It was he who would eventually decide whether she would graduate with her class despite being currently incapacitated.

"_Were _the last of my kind. Now, it's only me," Nephele corrected, now looking at him. "What's your verdict, old man?"

Grimacing, Shadis shook his head. "You're starting to sound like Captain Levi."

"My insubordination isn't a product of the Captain, I can assure you."

"Be that as it may," his voice trailed off until he continued with, "I've thought this over with the other instructors, and it has been decided that your abilities are not something we can afford to waste. You and Mikasa are by far two of the most exceptional cadets that our faction has ever seen. Two little girls."

"And that means...?" she pressed, anxious for his answer.

"Once your leg is healed, you'll start training all over from the beginning. You'll take it easy, though, because it'll take a year for it to fully heal. By then, your classmates will be far ahead of you in terms of ability, both from more training on their parts, and less training on yours. We will reevaluate your skills in the final test and decide where your abilities are, and score you appropriately."

"So, you're not expelling me?" she asked, stunned. Most cadets who had sustained injuries similar to her own were discharged, yet they were giving her a second chance.

"Of course not, you damn fool. You think we'd let you free? No, you belong to the military now." Standing, Shadis held out his hand for her to take. "It isn't allowed for an instructor to ask what faction cadets will be joining upon graduation, or influence their decision, but humanity would greatly benefit if your decision was to take on the green of the Survey Corps."

Taking his wrinkled hand in her own, Nephele gave it a firm shake and smiled for the first time in days. "Thank you, Instructor."

"I hope you don't disappoint me," he said, looking down on her.

"I have a favor to ask, though."

"Greedy, huh? Alright, let me hear it," agreed Shadis, waving his hand for her to continue.

"I'm going to need a few weights to keep my arms in shape at least."


	9. Chapter 9: Stargazer Lily

**[AN] **welcome back darlings! this chapter is of a different format than from what I usually write. it's just a series of events that happen after Nephele broke her leg, up until the Trainees graduation.

the bracelet in this chapter is actually one I own. my friend bought it for me during Christmas time last year. here's the link so that you can see it for yourselves.

p/sterling-silver-heart-x-diamond-accent-bracelet/-/A-12765294?ci_src=17588969&amp;ci_sku=12765294&amp;ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&amp;AFID=google_pla_df&amp;CPNG=pla_jewelry+shopping&amp;adgroup=sc_jewelry&amp;LID=18pgs&amp;KID=7b4779e0-4909-4313-b6e9-5d2f7f4e9545&amp;kpid=12765294&amp;gclid=CjwKEAjwpaqvBRCxzIGoxs6v2TkSJADel-MI1kXnSfKX1MFLW5CD_KvS0Lpo1wqw6r_e42pcFwTpDRoCcYvw_wcB

* * *

_"I don't mind losing to someone, but I won't be beaten by myself." -Shirou Emiya, Fate/ stay night_

**Chapter 9: Stargazer Lily**

If one good thing came out of having a broken leg, it was that Nephele spent much more time developing the muscles in her arms and abdomen. For the first two weeks that she was bedridden, her time was spent either reading or exercising, doing crunches in bed and lifting hand weights. There sure as hell wasn't anything better that she could spend her time doing unless Jean, Armin, Marco, or Sasha came to visit her. Once, she even was paid a visit by Mikasa, who had said she hoped Nephele would be able to resume training soon.

"Is it boring, not having any competition?" Nephele joked, smiling at the girl. They didn't really have much in common other than their strength and the fact that they were the last descendants of their kind. Perhaps their ancestors had passed on their strength to the girls.

"Well, yes. Bertolt and Reiner are strong, too, but it's… different," she had said. Mikasa had never been so good with words, given that she used so few.

"I miss training with you and Levi. That was a good week. I'd never been better at the ODM than then." Whenever she said his name, it was like the syllables became lodged in her throat, making it difficult to speak. Whenever she thought his name, her mind went foggy, making it difficult to think, too.

"What happened?" Mikasa finally asked, as everyone else who came to visit her had. Nephele was certain that the incident wasn't an accident. Levi would never lose control of his own blade like that. Still, she didn't know why he had done such a thing. Did he want her to get expelled?

'_Well, joke's on that asshole! Something as minor as a broken leg could never keep me from achieving my goal,' _she thought bitterly.

As she had with everyone else, Nephele said that the force of one of Levi's blows knocked her off balance, and she fell on her leg, snapping it in two. Who would believe that humanity's strongest soldier _accidentally _broke some trainee's leg? Levi didn't make accidents. He cleaned up after them. Everyone accepted that explanation without question.

Jean had visited, too, the day after her "fall." He had bought her a bracelet back in Dunstad made of sterling silver. It came in a pretty, red velvet box. She wondered how he afforded it. It was comprised of tiny silver x's and hearts linked together.

"You shouldn't have spent any money on me," she insisted, looking at the piece of jewelry as it sat in the palm of her hand. "Thank you, Jean. It's lovely."

The slightest tint of red colored his cheeks, and he looked down. "It's no big deal," he said, though to Nephele it was. No one had ever given her such a sweet gift before other than her parents. Sure, she'd been hit on plenty of times before, but none of them ever even gave her so much as a flower. Except Jean. If only she could have the same feelings for Jean as she did for Levi.

Everyone wanted to see her cast. It was like some kind of badge of honor, apparently. It was made out of clay and plaster, encasing her left calf, and it was the second most annoying thing about having a broken leg because it stopped her from being able to scratch an itch. Her calf was probably sweaty and gross by then, too.

By the third week, the nurses let her try walking again. They gave her a pair of wooden crutches, and held her up as she slowly stood up from the bed for the first time in weeks. Her legs felt like gelatin, wobbly and hard to stand on. The broken bones ached in protest, yet she ignored their pleas and took the crutches handed to her. It felt good to have the floor beneath her feet once more.

"How do you feel?" one nurse asked, a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other as he waited for her response.

"With my sense of touch," she replied sarcastically. '_Try writing that down, creep.' _She didn't like that nurse or the way he looked at her.

"You can make jokes well enough, so I'm assuming that means you feel well," one of the other nurses remarked, smiling.

"I'd be making jokes about my own death, too."

Nephele was only allowed to walk for the first week after that while under a staff member's supervision. It was a pain in the ass to be shadowed to the Dining Hall every day, and the nurse who was usually tasked with watching her was that creepy guy with the glasses and curly moustache. She wanted to throw her tray of food in his face.

It didn't help that everyone stared at her for the first few days outside of the infirmary. "_It's Nephele. I heard Levi snapped her leg in half because she made fun of him for being short," _she heard one girl murmur under her breath to her friends as Nephele walked by.

"_I heard she and Levi were having an affair, and Levi got mad because he found out she cheated on him, and pushed her down a flight of stairs." _

"_Someone was angry at her for being able to spend so much time with Levi Heicho, so they messed with her ODM and she fell to the ground during training."_

She was about ready to shove her crutches up someone's ass. If all those idiots knew how much of a jerk _Levi Heicho _really was, maybe they wouldn't be conjuring up all that ridiculous bullshit. He wasn't even that attractive! He was short, and his face always looked like he smelled something bad, and… whatever.

"Fucking bunch of ass lickers," she muttered under her breath one afternoon in the Dining Hall as the nurse carried her tray to the table she shared with her friends. She was sick of hearing all the lies these people were spreading, which grew more outrageous each passing day.

One culprit, a tall boy with red blemishes marring his face, stood up from his bench. He had thick brows, similar to Erwin Smith's, but they were dark and untrimmed. She had no idea who he was, but judging from his frail build that would be because he was in a lower class than her.

"What did you call me?" he howled, walking towards her. By then, her nurse was out of earshot and heading towards her table on the other side of the room thinking that Nephele was still following behind him.

"I called you an ass licker," she repeated, louder this time. Their side of the cafeteria went silent, anticipating a fight between the scrawny "ass licker" and the crippled "slut."

"You're the one who kissed Levi Heicho's ass, bitch. Look where that landed you," he sneered, placing his hands haughtily on his hips. God, this was ridiculous.

Swinging her crutches forward to bring her closer to the boy, Nephele looked up at him disdainfully, one of her neatly groomed eyebrows raised and a sardonic smile on her face.

"Listen here, _ass licker. _A word of advice. Maybe your face wouldn't be covered in all that acne if you weren't constantly rolling in the shit that comes out of your mouth."

Though she could no longer fight with swords, Nephele still had her tongue to battle others with. After that, the rumors about her broken leg slowly but surely began to die down. Humans are vapid creatures that grow bored of things quickly, though most never get tired of hearing themselves talk. That's how rumors start, and how they eventually end. People enjoy the limelight they receive while talking bad about others, but once that limelight fades with time, so too do the lies they spread.

After that week had passed, Nephele was allowed to walk around unsupervised. She hated those damn crutches, which dug into the pits of her arms, rubbing them raw and making them sore. At least she wasn't stuck in bed all day anymore. When the rest of the cadets were in the middle of their normal training regimen, Nephele observed them, learning their techniques and concocting moves to try out that incorporated the cadets' myriad of styles into her own. Shadis still required her present during physical training on top of attending their academic curriculum. She paid more attention during those classes now, even going as far as to take notes. She had journals filled with the information her instructors taught the cadets, from battle strategies in each military branch, to math and science. Even that knowledge wasn't enough to sate her hunger, so she'd always have a book checked out from the sparsely stocked library on subjects not taught in class.

Armin noticed Nephele's newfound interest in academics as she was taking notes during Instructor Hilja's geometry class. The two sat next to each other but Armin hardly ever spoke up unless it was to answer a question the instructor asked the entire class, to answer a question another classmate asked him, or ask a question to the instructor herself. He was always bent over his notes, studying the blackboard intently as if the numbers were some sort of cryptic code he had to solve in order to stop the apocalypse.

"Wow, Nephele! I thought I was the only one who paid attention during this class," he remarked, his words almost unintentionally offensive.

"Not anymore, blondie. I have to keep my mind occupied while I have this broken leg, or I'll go crazy," Nephele said, smiling at him.

Armin, excited by the prospect of a potential new study partner, eagerly suggested that they study together sometime.

"Sure. How about this, then. You tutor me for now, and when my leg's all better I'll show you a few moves I learned from Captain Levi himself."

There it was again; that sweet, sheepish smile. "Sure. It's always good to learn new things, even if it's not appropriate in a classroom setting."

"Don't worry, I won't break your leg," she assured. The knowledge Levi had given to Nephele would be put to better use if given to Armin. He was going in the Survey Corps, not her. He needed every weapon in his meager arsenal he could get. Nephele looked down at her notes to avoid his gaze then, and he returned back to his.

Nothing scared Nephele more than the thought of Armin face to face with a titan.

From then on, Nephele's days consisted of hopping around from Point A to Point B on her crutches, studying, reading, and weight training. By month two, she was up to forty pound dumbbells, doing twenty reps and fifteen sets twice every day. In the morning, she worked on her biceps. At night, it was triceps. In her words, it was "absolutely fucking horrible." Reiner, easily the strongest cadet in the 104th Trainees Squad, even remarked on how well Nephele was progressing. The two had never exchanged many words before despite him being one of the most popular guys in the Trainees on top of being the strongest.

"Damn, Nephele," he whistled when Nephele was doing her morning workout routine as she sat on a fallen log while the other cadets soared around the trees above on their ODM's. At first she thought he was making a pass at her until he continued with, "Keep that up and you'll have bigger biceps than me. Don't forget the tricep muscles, though. Those are what will really do some damage when you're slicing through titan flesh."

Nodding, Nephele said, "I know, I don't just do curls."

"Do you work on your deltoids, too?" he asked, sitting down on the rotting wood beside her. He was covered in sweat, and wiped away a bead as it trickled down his cheekbone.

This time, Nephele shook her head, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion as she finished her set and lowered her arms, putting the dumbbells on the ground. "I actually don't even know what those are," she admitted.

"They're in your shoulders and they're the muscles that rotate your arms," Reiner explained patiently. He pointed at her weights and asked, "Want me to demonstrate how to work them out?"

Reiner showed her how to do the seated shoulder press, and the seated palms-in alternated shoulder press, and suggested that she start with five pound weights, doing ten reps and eight sets per day. Flattered by his kindness, Nephele thanked him for his help.

"Once I get my deltoids up to forty pounds, do you want to have a friendly match of arm wrestling?" she laughed, holding her fist up for him. He tapped his own large one against hers, grinning widely.

"Sure thing, though that'll take a hell of a long time. How long has it been since you started weight training?"

"A little over two months. I started when I broke my leg. I figured if I couldn't work on my legs for four months, I might as well lift weights to pass the time," she answered, shrugging.

"Pass the time? Ha! You're already lifting forty pound dumbbells and doing fifteen sets. That's not passing time, that's fucking commitment," Reiner commented, giving her a heavy pat on the back that almost made her topple off the log.

Thanks to a broken leg, Nephele had gained new study and workout partners.

* * *

Armin was a good teacher. He thoroughly explained things that Nephele didn't understand, and gave better instructions than any of their teachers. On top of that, he was patient when there was a problem Nephele was stuck on and instead of scolding or ridiculing her, he helped her understand and find the answer. Rather than giving her the solutions, he would help her figure them out for herself. She liked how he didn't make her feel stupid.

"Do you remember how to solve this equation?" he asked as the two were studying for their upcoming algebra test, pointing his pencil at the question written on Nephele's paper. They were in the dusty, mold infested room that the faculty called the library, though there was just one shelf upon which were only a few dozen books. There wasn't even any literature dating farther back than twenty years ago. Dust motes danced in the light shining in through the windows which were kept open for much needed ventilation. The tiny room was stuffy and made Nephele feel somewhat claustrophobic.

Pursing her lips, the red head stared intently at the piece of paper as she tried to remember how to figure out the value of x. Then, she scribbled down her work and pushed the sheet over to Armin to look at.

Smiling broadly, Armin put his hand on Nephele's shoulder, saying, "Good job! That was a really hard one. Even Mikasa took a long time figuring that one out."

"Do you tutor Mikasa, too?" she asked.

"Her and Eren. Sometimes Jean, but he's too prideful to take any help from me most of the time, even though he probably needs the help even more than Eren," he chuckled.

"I see," murmured Nephele as she slid the paper back over to work on the next equation.

"Jean likes you a lot, you know," Armin suddenly said, his face suddenly turning red. Shaking his head, he apologized. "Sorry. I shouldn't have told you that."

"It's alright, I already knew. I'd have to be blind not to see it. He bought me that bracelet, after all." She never wore it, the piece of jewelry still in its red velvet box under her pillow, the same spot she put the bluebells he had picked for her so long ago.

"After Mikasa rejected him those first few months that we were here, he was pretty upset. Just don't lead him on, okay? I don't want to see him like that again," Armin said, his hand still on her shoulder. Nephele bit her lip and nodded.

"Should I give the bracelet back or just leave things be?" she asked, looking for advice. Armin could solve any math problem you threw at him, so maybe he knew some equation about love, too.

"Sorry, but my talents are in the brain, not the heart. I just think you should be honest."

_'I guess he wouldn't have any answers about Levi, either.'_

So, when Jean asked Nephele if she'd eat lunch with him that afternoon, Nephele smiled sadly at him and shook her head. She had the bracelet he had given her in one of her pockets, and pulled it out to place it in his hands. He looked humiliated and stunned as he stared down at the small box.

"I should have known when you didn't wear it," he muttered, shaking his head. "There I go again, getting my hopes up."

Nephele didn't apologize for not feeling the same way. She wasn't sorry for her own feelings, either. There was something missing in her, something that had flown away on the Wings of Freedom and followed Levi when he left.

"I'm not the one for you, but I think you've already met that person."

She saw Jean Kirstein and Marco Bott holding hands three weeks later.

Then, that fated day came...

The day Nephele could lift forty pounds doing fifteen sets on the alternated shoulder press.

When she saw Reiner during that morning's drill, her heart sped in her chest with anticipation. Seeing his wiry muscles practically ripple beneath his uniform, she feared that her arm would be broken as well. She waited on her fallen log, which was now covered in moss and even more rotted than it had been when she first got benched during practice, and watched as her fellow trainees showed off to one another and did tricks on their ODMs with envy. It would be two more months before she joined them, and even longer before she returned to her previous performance level.

After Shadis bellowed that practice had ended, Nephele picked up her crutches that had been propped up against the log beside her and swung over to Reiner, who was dabbing at his sweaty forehead with a towel. He noticed her walking towards him and tipped his head in acknowledgement, stopping for her to catch up to him. He was joined by the quiet, intimidating _Annie_ and his close friend Bertolt.

"What's up, red?" he asked, smiling down at her. Bertolt exchanged his own hello while Annie stood off to the side without saying a word or even looking at Nephele.

"I think I'm ready for that arm wrestling match," she said, grinning at him. Reiner laughed raucously, the kind that would make anyone want to smile back. Well, anyone but Annie apparently.

"Oh yeah? You up to forty on your deltoid muscles?" Nephele shook her head.

"Nope, I'm at sixty."

"Damn. What about biceps and triceps?"

"I'm at ninety now, and thirty sets. I'm curious, what do you lift?"

Reiner whistled at the numbers like he had two months ago and said, "I'm not really sure about that. I haven't used dumbbells in a while. No offense, it's just beginner stuff. I mostly use a pull up bar for my arm workouts, but if I had to guess, I'd say I could lift two hundred or so with dumbbells."

That almost made Nephele back out. He was more than twice as strong as her! The only thing keeping her from chickening out is that she couldn't bare the thought of Reiner thinking that she was a wimp.

"That's it? Give me four more months and I'll be way ahead of you," Nephele teased, though she was almost certain that wouldn't be the case.

"Show me what you've got then, red."

Reiner found what he called a "suitable spot" for their match; the Dining Hall. Unfortunately, this attracted a decent crowd that circled around the table they were seated at. Reiner was a popular trainee, so many of the other cadets were eager to see him in an arm wrestling match. As Reiner was talking to Bertolt, who was standing up behind him, Nephele put her head in her hands and groaned. That was when Armin showed up, pushing his way through the crowd -or, rather, _politely asking people to let him by_\- until he reached her.

"You won't beat him," Armin warned, lowering himself to whisper in her hear.

"Gee, thanks kid. I appreciate the support."

"I meant that he's too strong. If you just try to use brute force, he'll outmatch you," he explained. Turning her head to look at him, Nephele raised a brow and narrowed her eyes.

"Do you have some trick stashed up your sleeve, blondie?"

"Actually, yes. It's all about leverage. You have to work your hand up his palm so that you can get a better grip than him as soon as the match starts," he explained quickly.

"How?" she asked, trying to use as few words as possible. Reiner could start the match at any minute.

"Pull your hand towards you, and when his hand starts slipping down yours, move your hand further up his. Then, turn your wrist towards your body so that his wrist is facing up. Once you're about to finish him, rotate your body so that your shoulder is aligned in the direction your arm i-"

"You ready, Nephele?" Reiner's voice heralded the start of the match, and Nephele's head swiveled back to look at him. He was smiling ear to ear, confident that he'd be the victor. She could see familiar faces all around her, and felt dozens of pairs of eyes on her face.

"Just finish him quickly!" Armin quietly advised before leaving her side to join Eren and Mikasa, who stood on the inner ring of the crowd, talking to one another.

Letting out a big puff of air that was the breath she had just been holding, Nephele nodded and placed her elbow on the table, hand open. "Yeah, I'm ready."

Reiner mirrored her, leaning forward. Nephele realized that she was at an advantage for once in her life for being so small. Her arm was only so long, so Reiner had to meet her more than halfway across the table. She'd have better leverage then he would. Reiner must have been used to winning with brute strength, which would make it easier to catch him off guard. Their hands met, and his grip was firm and almost bone crushing. How would she be able to get him to loosen it?

Her hands started sweating from nervousness. She had also never been at an advantage for having clammy hands before.

It was Marco who was the referee for their match. "Are both of you ready?" he asked, his palms on the table in front of him as he carefully observed the contestants.

"Sure," Nephele sighed, trying to calm her nerves.

Reiner wouldn't take his arms off her as he said, "Ready."

"GO!"

Right when she heard the first letter, Nephele sprung into action before Reiner could respond. She did as Armin instructed and started pulling her hand towards her body. Because of the sweat on her palms, Reiner's hand started to slip down her palm, and she moved her own hand up his so that she was almost gripping his fingers. She felt Reiner trying to push her arm towards the table, but Nephele had the upper hand. Literally. _'So that's where the expression comes from...'_

Then, she turned her hand towards herself to expose Reiner's wrist, which was easy to do because Reiner was too focused on trying to slam her hand on the table to notice. She was surprised by how well she was holding her ground against him. All around them, people were shouting their names. Most were for Reiner, but she still had plenty of people rooting for her to win. Jean, Armin, Sasha (who was loudest of them all), Connie, Ymir, Krista... even Eren. That one surprised her. She would have thought it more likely for Mikasa to show encouragement than Eren, though she was just silently watching the event.

To finish it off, Nephele rotated her body towards the direction she wanted her arm to go, pressing her abdomen against the table for support as she threw all of her strength and weight against Reiner's arm. Evidently, it wasn't even necessary for her to have used all of that power, because the back of Reiner's hand slammed hard against the table. The Dining Hall erupted with shouts of disbelief, everyone surprised that Nephele was able to best Reiner, the strongest trainee in their class.

"Holy fucking _shit," _Ymir yelled at the same time Nephele let go of Reiner's hand, pushing through the crowd to get to the champion. "You just fucking _blasted _him!" Ymir grabbed her by the shoulders and shook Nephele back and forth. "Do you realize what you've done? Bards will sing songs of your prowess!"

"Good job, Nephele!" congratulated Krista. She was never far behind Ymir.

"Thanks, but Armin's the one who taught me how to do that," she admitted, blushing. It was strange, being the center of attention.

"Armin taught you how to do what? Kick ass?" Ymir chuckled.

"He showed me how to get the upper hand."

Once the crowd had dispersed, Nephele started towards her next class when Reiner's voice interrupted her.

"Hey, red."

Turning to face him, Nephele noticed how red and swollen his hand was starting to look. She felt bad for slamming it down on the table so hard, and frowned as she readied herself to apologize.

"You should teach me that trick sometime. I'll show you a few of mine, too." He flashed a sideways grin at her and winked before continuing out the double doors that led outside, leaving Nephele speechless.

He winked at her. _He fucking winked at her. _

"Fuck."

* * *

"Are you ready to see your leg again?" the nurse asked, holding the surgical knife that was going to slice open Nephele's cast. Shaking her head, Nephele covered her face with both hands.

"Fuck that, just cut it off. It already stinks like death. It's going to be covered in hair and shriveled like a prune!" she groaned.

"Can I shave it?" Eren joked, chuckling at her despair. Mikasa shook her head at him and crossed her arms. Nephele and Eren had gotten rid of the bad blood between them and made amends, and the two were now good friends. She liked being a part of Mikasa, Armin, and Eren's entourage. She didn't have to look at Jean smile sadly at her whenever she spoke, or put up with Reiner's constant flirtations, or defend her plate of food against Sasha's ravenous stomach. Although she cared about each and every one of the cadets she had met in the past year and a half, it was nice to be uninvolved from all of that drama.

"How about I shave your nuts, kid?" Nephele suggested, her hands still covering her face. "Just get it over with. I'm taking a bath as soon as this is done."

"As you wish," the nurse agreed. Sitting up in a cot in the infirmary with her legs stretched out in front of her, Nephele was beyond relieved that this day had finally come. In the time that had passed, her legs had lost almost all of the muscle she had accumulated, but the rest of her body had never been in better shape. She was going to train every day and every night until her legs caught up. Until the day of the final exam. Unable to see what the nurse was doing, Nephele could still hear the sawing sound of the knife cutting into her cast. She started to feel it loosen around her leg, and then there was a crack similar to the one that resonated in her head when she broke her leg as the nurse split the cast in two with her hands, exposing her leg to the world once again.

"Gross!" Eren complained, and when Nephele uncovered her eyes she could see him pinching his nose and waving his hand through the air. Mikasa wore an expression of subtle disgust. When she followed their gazes, Nephele almost wept at what she saw. Her once smooth, porcelain leg was covered in dark red hair that was almost brown, each strand half an inch long. The skin around her calf where the cast had been was yellowed and flaking off in some places. The nurse lifted her leg to remove the cast, seeming unfazed by the leg's almost revolting condition, and discarded it in a trash barrel. She retrieved her clipboard from the bedside table and held her pen at the ready to take notes.

"It healed rather well," Armin noted as he stepped closer to take a look. Nephele felt like a lab rat. A hairy, smelly lab rat.

"You have Hange Zoe to thank for that," said the nurse. "So, how does it feel?"

"It's itchy," she complained, though didn't dare scratch her leg in front of them. Her skin might flake off her something. Oh, god, she was going to faint.

"Try to stand up. Don't put too much weight on it," advised the nurse as she scribbled something down on the sheet of paper.

Doing as instructed, Nephele swung her legs off the side of the cot, taking a deep inhalation of the antiseptic-infused air. Her feet dangled just a few inches off the wooden floor, until finally she scooted off the bed, her foot coming into contact with the ground for the first time in months. It felt strange. When she stood, she had placed too much weight onto her left leg, and she tilted precariously to the side. If it hadn't been for Mikasa, who rushed to her aid and placed an arm around her waist to hold her steady, Nephele would have fallen flat on her face.

"Thank you," Nephele murmured to the girl, smiling abashedly. Mikasa nodded and loosened her grip once Nephele had steadied herself, but kept her hand on her hip in case she were to fall over again. Though she had never vocalized it, it was clear that Mikasa cared for her. She was protective of those she loved, which was one of her many endearing qualities. Nephele hoped that one day, someone would care about her as much as Mikasa cared for Eren.

"Careful. It'll be about a week before you can walk without crutches, since you haven't used your leg in so long. After that, you'll still have complications, but we'll be assigning you another nurse to help with physical therapy," said the nurse, not looking at her as she continued writing.

Staring down at her legs, Nephele noticed how out of shape they were. She had lost most of the muscle in her thighs and calves from lack of exercise, though the rest of her body had never been in better shape. She wondered how long it would take for them to catch up with the progress she had made in the other regions of her body.

"When will I be able to return to training?" she asked solemnly, her gaze now casted at the floor.

"I'd say about a month before you can go back to your normal classes," the nurse replied, now looking up to see her reaction.

An entire month? She was supposed to graduate in six more months! How could she hope to be on the same level as her peers by then, let alone the top ten? She would probably have to remaster the ODM as well. Who knows how long that would take?

"Cheer up, Neph. You can probably still exercise to rebuild your strength in the meantime," Armin consoled, giving the nurse a hopeful look. "Right?"

Nodding, it seemed that the woman had finished her note taking. "Yes. You can discuss a workout regimen with your therapist, but be careful not to push yourself. The last month is critical to your long term recovery."

"See? You'll be kicking ass soon enough," Eren grinned, giving her a thumbs up. What did she do to deserve such kind friends?

With tears brimming in her eyes, Nephele smiled at the three. "Th-Thanks, guys. I don't know what I'd do without you." If Nephele ever cried, it would only be out of happiness, she decided. The only tears she'd ever shed from then on would be those of joy.

Afterwards, Mikasa went to the showers with Nephele. The sun had just begun its final descent of the day, peeking out just barely behind the jagged peaks of the valley's mountain and warping the blue sky into shades of mauve, indigo, orange, and pink. As she swung forward on her crutches, Nephele let her foot brush against the blades of grass and imagined that they were lending her the earth's strength. Casting her gaze to the sky, she smiled to herself.

_'May my feet keep me grounded, and my heart push my dreams above the clouds.' _


	10. Chapter 10: Casablanca

_"Think of the magic of that foot, comparatively small, upon which your whole weight rests. It's a miracle, and the dance is a celebration of that miracle." - Martha Graham, Dancer_

**Chapter 10: **Casablanca

No longer did Nephele soar through the air on her three dimensional maneuver gear. Bullets do not soar; they cut through wind itself.

Never before had she truly appreciated the weightlessness that came with falling towards the earth, or the way her harness dug into her skin and pulled her body with it. She was dancing with the currents of the sky, weaving through the branches of trees, kissing the sun's rays. This was serenity.

The final test didn't even seem like a test at all. It was just her and the sky and the air and her gear. It didn't matter that dozens of cadets were vying for their last chance for a spot in the top ten, that she had a certain quota of titan decoys to hit, or that she was being closely watched by the instructors perched on the tree's limbs to evaluate her and her peers. If she focused on the task at hand, her perception was clearer, her abilities sharper. She didn't think with words, but rather actions. She did as instinct willed her to do.

She reached her first clearing with a decoy. It was a crude, fifteen meter tall wooden titan, the red stained leather on the nape of its neck a distinct target. Rather than take her eyes off her prize, she first listened for the buzz of cables being reeled in, the thunk of grapples as they bore into a tree branch, the rustle of leaves as someone passed. All she heard was the chirping of cicadas, and the tapping of some woodpecker's beak against the trunk of a tree.

Shooting her cables at two trees across the small clearing, Nephele allowed enough slack so that she'd swing just above the wooden decoy, letting her blades cut out a chunk of leather as they passed. By the time she had finished her arc through the clearing, she heard Connie's distant shout behind her. She didn't dwell, always constantly moving, only putting her feet on the branches to push back into the air every time she shot her cables into another tree.

She was met with no opposition for the next decoy, though by the time she had reached the third, there were two other opponents for her to test her mettle against. Unable to waste time identifying them, Nephele shot her cables at a branch high above the decoy and released as much gas as her tank allowed to reach the top. She had a clear view of the decoy now, but didn't linger long for any sight seeing. She attached one hook to a branch on a tree opposite from her, and the other on the decoy itself. She then kept the cable connecting her to the branch taunt and dropped to the ground, triggering the switch to reel in the other cable and releasing more gas from her tank. Her opponents were too busy dealing with one another to notice Nephele until she had swooped down at cut out a large chunk of leather from the decoy's nape. She released the hook attaching her to it while the other cable kept her from hitting the ground. Gravity and momentum made her swing in a sideways semi-circle, and she released that hook as well to land in a crouch on another branch.

"N-Nephele?" Jean called out. The redhead looked back and spared him a confident smirk.

"_Fuck!_" cursed some unnamed cadet, who threw his blades into the dirt and lowered himself to the ground.

At the next decoy, Mikasa had beaten her. Nephele had been about to make the final swing when the girl appeared out of nowhere, cutting Nephele off and inflicting the blow.

"Teach me how you do that," Nephele requested, wondering how Mikasa used her gear so efficiently.

"It won't matter once you join the Military Police," she replied before disappearing back into the forest.

The instructors seemed to have wanted to spice things up a bit, as they had posted five decoys in the same area. When Nephele reached them, Annie Leonhart had gotten there first, and was already working on the second decoy. If she got all five, she'd probably end up outranking her in the test. Gritting her teeth, Nephele went for the second to last decoy, leaping into the air then shooting her cables only a meter apart from each other to reach maximum speed. She released the trigger to pull herself forward, shooting through the trees like a bullet. It would take just over three seconds to cross those fifty meters, yet it still wouldn't be fast enough.

Still connected to the tree, Nephele knew that she couldn't increase her speed any further, or she'd be knocked unconscious from too much blood going to her brain, and splatter all over a tree. She had to keep her speed, aim straight, and cut off Annie's path of travel. Annie was maneuvering _around _the titan decoys. Nephele would just have to slice through them. She unlocked the blades from her hilts and plugged in fresh ones, which she would have to use for her idea. There wouldn't be enough reaction time for her to simply avoid the targets if she directly approached them either, so this was her only option.

The width of the wooden titans was only six inches thick, but at the speed she was going, if she slammed into them the results would be fatal. She would need to slice through the first and third decoys, which were directly in her path of travel. By the time she reached the third, Annie would be just finished slicing through it, which would leave the last two decoys as her spoils. She didn't know the single-edged swords' capacity, so this would be an experiment. Her blades might snap off, and she didn't know if she had the ability to replace and wield them in a fraction of a second.

Nephele first directed her body forward so that it was parallel to the ground and aimed herself at the first decoy's chest. This one was fifteen meters tall, and the third was ten meters, but the last two had both been only seven meter class. She had to aim straight like this to allign herself with the last two decoys napes. Hopefully, Annie didn't reach the fourth decoy at the same time as Nephele, or she'd probably end up cut by her swords.

The blades themselves are incredibly sharp thanks to how thin they are, so rather than cut the decoys in half and risk snapping them, Nephele held them out directly in front of her, the point of each blade touching so that it would (hopefully) act like a drill, and aimed them at the decoys so that her head (hopefully) wouldn't collide with them. She used the last reserves of her tank's gas as she released the cables and rotated her body. At the speed she was going, her rotations made Nephele seem like a smudge of red and beige streaking through the forest.

She sawed through the first decoy with ease, then the third, wood chips showering down on her and Annie as well. The fourth, she had drilled through the entire leather nape and wooden head, obliterating it, and the fourth she managed to cut out a half circle of leather.

Releasing her blades to prevent Nephele from accidentally cutting herself, still rotating in the air -albeit, at half the speed she was just at- she blindly discharged her cables, one low and one high. The sudden change in direction almost made her faint, and the second cable gradually decreased her speed as she slowly began to reel the cable back in by gradually applying the cables made her swing three hundred degrees until she released them, shot them back at a branch above her, and slowly pulled herself upwards until swinging onto another branch.

When she looked down at the scene below, she saw that she had caused the first decoy to split in two and the third's entire upper half was decimated. Annie was nowhere in sight. She sat down on the branch to get a level head, feeling dizzy and nauseous.

"That makes five," she murmured to herself. After a five minute break, Nephele sighed and took a leap into the air.

By the time the green signal flare was shot, Nephele had accumulated eleven points. She had grappled with Mikasa four times throughout the entire test and scored only one point against her, two against Annie, one against Reiner, two against Bertolt, one against Jean, and one against Eren. The rest of her points were either met without resistance or against cadets she wasn't too familiar with.

As she maneuvered back to the checkpoint, Nephele was filled with anxiety and hope. She knew she had reserved herself a spot in the top ten, but she wasn't sure how well she scored. By the time she reached the checkpoint, several other cadets were already waiting for Instructor Shadis' evaluations. He waited until every cadet was present.

"You've all completed your final test as members of the 104th Trainees Squad. Many of you performed to the best of your ability, some below, but few did even better than what was expected of them." It seemed like Shadis was always yelling, unless he's indoors. Nephele recalled their first day of enlistment, where almost every cadet including herself was scared shitless of Shadis. Then, they grew up, and the monsters that haunted their nightmares now weren't retired Commanders, but the beasts that lurked beyond the Walls.

"Ten of you have proven your skills to be above the rest in training, and ten of you are eligible for joining the Military Police. Your results will be given to you individually when you leave the training grounds. Although you've completed training without killing yourselves, remember that you still have much to learn. You're dismissed."

When a line had formed to Shadis, Nephele wasn't too far back. He called her name, "Ambrosia," and she stepped forward, receiving the piece of paper that he handed her."

"Number two again, Ambrosia. That was quite a dangerous maneuver you did back there. I'm still not quite sure if it was skill or luck, but we'll see how you perform in your future endeavors," Shadis muttered as he stared down at her with his weary, deep-set eyes.

"Thank you," she responded, trying to maintain a composed demeanor in front of her superior and peers. Number two. She imagined how strong she might be hadn't she spent five months in convalescence.

"The Survey Corps doesn't need suicidal kids like you."

The comment stuck with Nephele for the rest of the day. Joining the Survey Corps was almost the equivalent of suicide, so it struck her as ironic. Perhaps that faction was the one that needed her most.

* * *

Following the Graduation Ceremony and during the "after party," as Sasha referred to it as, Nephele had fallen in love. Her love was slim and slender, made her feel like she was sitting in a warm bath, and tasted like over ripe fruit. In a bottle of hard cider, she found bliss.

"What _is _this?" Nephele slurred out to Jean, almost slamming her tin mug on the table, the liquid in it sloshing around and spilling on her hand.

"It's alcohol," Ymir said between chuckles. Everyone was red faced both from the alcohol and laughter. Apparently, Nephele had never even had a sip of beer.

"Jeez, Nephie," Connie drawled, his chin propped up on his hand. He noticed how she didn't even flinch at the mention of the nickname this time. "How old are you, anyway? And you haven't even had a drink before?"

Nephele furrowed her brows as she thought long and hard about this question. "Um… Twenty."

"Holy shit! You look twelve!"

Nephele's closest consorts were gathered around a large, circular maplewood table in a Great Hall of some grand hotel. They were celebrating the 104th Trainees Graduation in Trost, dining on cuisine the likes of which they had never tasted while in training. Many cadets had never even had anything like it, Nephele included. A dozen crystal chandeliers, the epitome of wealth, hung from the patterned marble ceiling. Everything was gilded until it shone gold, from the sconces to the white table cloths and the diningware as well. There was a buffet table for the cadets to choose from, and Nephele had been thrilled with the assortment of food they had available. For the past two years, all she had eaten was broccoli, soup, potatoes, and bread.

There were even plenty of vegetarian options! Nephele had chosen a large plate to shovel food on to, and chose fettuccine with alfredo sauce, garlic bread, stuffed aubergine, and a slice of lemon chiffon cake. After she had worked her way down the long table and admired every platter of food, wishing she had the belly of a titan, she reached the drinks. She had poured herself a mug of cold apple cider from one of the several wooden barrel taps, and had fallen in love with its crisp, strong flavor.

Now, Nephele was on her third mug. Her toes and fingers tingled and her body was pleasantly warm, her brain, as she said, "fuzzy like a bunny."

"Wait, Nephele," Jean interrupted, putting the brakes on her train of thought. "Have you ever had sex with anyone?"

Befuddled, Nephele frowned and shook her head. It took her a minute to fully comprehend the question, and by then she had already given her answer. Her pink cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red.

"Well, what about you, Jean Sean… haha, sheep." She giggled, her brain subconsciously trying to distract herself from its own embarrassment. "What about all of you? Which brave soldier has seen the battlefield of the bedroom?" She took another swig from her mug.

Connie and Sasha exchanged a brief glance, while Ymir laughed boisterously, hugging her stomach and tilting her chair backwards. "Battlefield? What are you wielding in those tight trousers, Neph?"

"So you have had sex?" Jean asked Ymir, astounded. She smirked at him and wrapped her arm around Krista's shoulder, picking her glass of whiskey off the table and twisting her wrist to stir up the ice before downing the rest of it without so much as a grimace. Krista blushed and batted her lashes as she chewed on her lip.

"Sure. I don't see why it's such a big deal. What about you, horseface?"

"Y-Yeah, obviously!" he stammered.

"Oh, really? Who?" challenged Ymir. She looked over at Marco, whose eyes were wide with innocence.

"M..."

"'Mmmmm….my hand?'" asked Connie with a smirk.

The table bursted into laughter at that, while Jean leaned forward in his seat towards Connie, glowering at him. "Oh yeah, and who've you fucked, Pin Head?"

"My girlfriend, idiot." Shaking his head, Connie wrapped an arm around Sasha's shoulders. The two had been together for the past three months now. Sasha, who had been stuffing her face with smoked ham, covered her mouth with her hand as she laughed.

"Mikasa?" Sasha nudged the girl sitting next to her with an elbow, waggling her brows. "How about you?" The stoic girl shook her head. "Have you ever even kissed anyone?"

"I kissed Eren when we were ten. It was weird," she murmured, her expression unwavering as she stared at the contents of the cup in her hand. Eren, appalled and mortified, shook his head violently and waved his hands around.

"Mikasa! What the hell? We weren't supposed to talk about that ever again!" he bellowed from the opposite end of the table, his face red. To his right, Armin started laughing to himself. No one even bothered asking him if he had gotten laid before, though he didn't mind. The answer was pretty obvious.

Nephele downed the rest of her drink in one big gulp, a bead of hard cider trickling down her chin. She realized that out of her group of friends, which included Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Ymir, Krista, Sasha, Connie, Jean, and Marco, only herself and Armin had never romantically interacted with someone before. Of the ten graduates seated at the large, circular table, there were two official couples, those of which being Connie and Sasha, and Jean and Marco. There was obviously something going on between Ymir and Krista, but Nephele didn't think that it had yet passed the boundaries of an official relationship.

Jean turned to Nephele once again, who had just been diagnosed with a case of hiccups. He noticed the way her long lashes, lengthened even more with a coat of mascara, brushed her cheek bones with every blink. He frowned.

"Have you kissed anyone either, Nephele?" To that, she shook her head, much to the group's incredulity.

"But you're twenty!" Sasha proclaimed, as if Nephele didn't already know her own age. Well, she was a little drunk.

"So what? There's plenty of people who haven't kissed someone at my age," she muttered, wishing she had more alcohol. She was too comfortable to want to get up.

"Yeah, but those people are ugly," Sasha said flippantly.

Frowning, Nephele looked down to avoid all of their wide eyed, gaping stares. "I just wanna wait until I fall in love," she murmured under her breath. Their reactions were a mixture of "awes" and laughter.

_'I wanted it to be Levi, though.'_

* * *

That night, Nephele wandered the streets of Trost alone, listening to the rhythmic clicks of her heels on the cobblestone. Those shoes had somehow managed to weather two years of intense training, though they weren't nearly as elegant as they used to be. There were stains deep down in the suede that she couldn't scrub out no matter how much soap she used, and they were worn with use. The soles no longer had any grip, and it was a wonder how she managed to do so well during the final exam while wearing them.

She needed a new pair of kicks to celebrate her graduation. Cadets were paid a small sum every month, and over the past two years Nephele had only spent a tenth of the coin she had accumulated. She carried a few hundred gold on her person, tucked safely away into a pouch in her bag. It was nice to wear something other than that dusty leather uniform for once. For the occasion, she'd worn a violet chiffon dress with white lace trimming the hem and sleeves. The pendant her mother Ligeia gave her years ago hung between her small breasts, right above her heart. She couldn't remember the last time she took it off.

Passing by all of the cute boutiques, many of which were still open, Nephele stared at the displays set up behind the windows. There were three tier cakes with intricate iced roses in one shop, and cozy looking fur coats in the other. The practice of skinning seemed barbaric to Nephele, and she grimaced with distaste despite how comfortable it would be to be wrapped up in one. There was a store selling rescue dogs that caught her eye, and Nephele cooed at the cute litter of pups huddled up to one another as they slept soundly on a pile of hay behind a display window. She watched their tiny bodies rise and fall with their breathing, and fantasized about being able to hold one in her hands.

Nephele glanced up when she heard a tiny bell tinkle when the door swung open, her eyes meeting with those of the shop owner. She was a short old woman with circular spectacles and snow white hair piled on top of her head in a bun.

"I see you've taken a liking to the newest litter," she noted, her voice thin and reedy like the chirping of a songbird.

"They're adorable. What kind of dogs are they?" Nephele politely asked.

"They're golden retriever, husky mix. They were strays, and the mother was run over by a carriage a few days after they were born. My husband saw it happen, and found her litter in an alleyway." The woman's smile faded. "Poor things. Humans aren't the only ones who feel pain."

Nephele didn't know what to say, but the old woman's words made her think. Titans kill people, people kill animals, yet no one shows remorse over a slaughtered cow the way they do when a human gets eaten by a titan.

"Would you like to play with them? I don't have any customers at the moment, but I've got plenty of dogs to look after. You can feed them if you'd like. It's about time for their night time snack."

Nodding with enthusiasm, Nephele's eyes blue eyes widened. "That would be great! Thank you."

"No, thank you," she insisted, opening the door for Nephele to step inside. "Feeding those pups is one less thing I have to do."

Once inside, Nephele was greeted with a chorus of barks to welcome her. There were about twenty dogs in six by ten foot wire cages lining each wall stocked with fresh supplies of linens, kibble, and water. There were mostly mutts of all shapes and sizes, though there was an old pitbull laying on its nest of sheets looking up at her with wide eyes. All the sudden barking must have woken it up.

"Hope you don't mind the noise. I'm sure the neighbors do," chuckled the old lady as she led Nephele to the window display where the puppies were. There was a wooden plank to keep the puppies from falling out of the display area, but one could easily reach their hands in to get to them. "Go ahead, scratch them behind the ears to wake them up. I'll go get a bottle."

Mystified, Nephele outstretched her hand towards the sleeping puppies, petting one behind the ears. It's fur was a mix of gold and silver, it's ears droopy. They were no bigger than both of her hands together. The creature stirred, stretched its fuzzy little paws, and yawned. Nephele's heart did a little flip.

"Oh my goodness," she murmured as the puppy opened its eyes and squinted at her. It crawled on top of one of its siblings on wobbly, stunted legs, waking that one up as well. The other pup nipped at its ankle, and one by one each puppy was awake. By then, the woman had returned with two bottles of milk. She handed each to Nephele and said, "We have another dog who's pregnant right now, so we use her milk to feed them. I boiled these up for you."

"Do I just…" Nephele's voice trailed off. She had never fed a puppy with a bottle before, or anything for that matter.

"Just hold out the bottles and let the pups do the work. Just make sure they all get enough," she advised. "My husband is visiting family behind Wall Sina, so he won't be back for a few weeks. I'm glad to have a few extra hands."

"The pleasure's mine, really," assured Nephele. The woman then left, disappearing behind some back room.

Chewing her lip, Nephele looked at the litter of pups. Shrugging, she decided it'd be easier to just climb into the display area with them. She pushed aside the pile of hay with her shoe to clear a spot for herself, then climbed into the alcove with them with the bottles in handThe puppies immediately flocked to her, pawing at her legs as and making goofy faces. Nephele had never seen something so flipping adorable. They were playing king of the hill with her lap, each trying to climb to the top by pushing each other off. They nipped at her calloused fingers and wiggled their bums, not quite having mastered tail wagging yet.

There were five pups. One was creme colored with a white belly and paws, another gray and white with ears more upright ears. There was an all black puppy as well, the largest of all its littermates, and two with more prominent golden retriever characteristics.

Nephele fed the black and gray pups first, scooping them up one in each arm as the others vied for her attention and stumbled all over the place. The puppies instantly calmed as soon as the bottles touched their mouths and started drinking it's warm milk. There hadn't been a second that Nephele wasn't smiling. After she fed those pups, she fed the two gold ones, and after those there was only the creme colored one left. She cradled it in her arms, and it wrapped its paws around the bottle as it fed. The others were now sleeping once more, the soft sounds of their light snoring making Nephele a bit drowsy, too.

When the creme colored one had finished. Nephele put down the bottle and pulled the puppy to her chest. It nuzzled its face into her neck and there it fell asleep.

"I see that one's taken a liking to you," the woman said as she returned to find Nephele leaning against the wall with the pup. Without looking up, Nephele smiled and stroked its soft fur.

"I've always wanted a dog," she said, thinking back on all the arguments she had gotten into with her parents as she begged for a fuzzball to call her own. They always declined her pleas, saying that they wouldn't be responsible for the dog, and Nephele wouldn't be able to take care of it. Yet here she was, taking care of herself. She wondered what her mother and father would think of her now, what they would say if they knew of her plan for conquest. She had never thought about it that way. Is this what they would have wanted?

Revenge mustn't be for the dead, then. It's a way the living find peace.

"If you've got enough coin once the pups are grown up, you can take one home," she suggested, taking the bottles.

"That's out of the question," she said, her smile fading.

"Why's that? Parents won't letcha?"

Laughing morosely, Nephele shook her head. "No, not quite. My father was eaten by titans, and my mother sent out to reclaim Wall Maria." She paused. "I never even got to bury them." Suddenly, Nephele felt ashamed for telling this stranger her problems. She wasn't one to confide in others when everyone else had their own nightmares to fend off when they closed their eyes.

The wrinkles in the old woman's face seemed to deepen as she frowned. "Many people share your story, child. I lost my sister a month after she joined the Survey Corps fifty years ago."

Nephele's shame, like a weed, branched out into into several more negative emotions; sadness, despair, hopelessness. She wondered how many friends she would lose in the next few years.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, still not looking at the woman.

"Don't be."

"I think it's about time I head back," Nephele announced, reluctant to wake up the puppy still sleeping in her arms. She gently returned it to its brothers and sisters sleeping peacefully on their nest of hay without waking it. It stirred, opened its small jaws to yawn, and snuggled up to another pup for warmth.

"If you're looking for work, I could always use an extra pair of hands," she offered as Nephele climbed out of the alcove and back onto the floor. Nephele thanked her but said she had to decline.

"I just graduated from the Trainees, and I'll be heading to Wall Sina in two days for the Military Police," she informed her.

Before Nephele left, the kind woman gave her a few coins for feeding the dogs and wished her luck in the MPs. Nephele had a fleeting desire to live that kind of life, where she could look after a bunch of mutts and live out the rest of her days with someone by her side. Then, she realized what a tedious and unfulfilling life that would be.

* * *

"Your shoes are super cute!" Mina remarked the following morning as the trainees were gathered on the streets of Trost, their leather uniforms stark in contrast with the civilians' attire. Grinning, Nephele lifted her heel for examination, a hand placed haughtily on her hip. Nothing made her feel better than a cute pair of shoes. They were a pair of pale pink high heeled boots that reached an inch above her ankle. The heels were specially designed with the same material used to make the military's equipment, a rare natural resource called iron bamboo. She had bought the heels at a cute boutique and brought them to a smith. When she requested he alter the shoes to make them more durable, he had given her a look of skepticism, and his suspicions only grew when she handed him a broken blade to melt down.

This way, her heels wouldn't break from strenuous activity and she wouldn't have to worry about a sprained ankle.

"Yeah, I've spent the last two years saving up for a good pair of shoes. They're inlaid with iron bamboo so that the heels won't snap," she said, proud of her new purchase.

"Wow, that's so cool! Aw, I've always wanted a pair of laced boots," Mina cooed, framing her cheeks with her hands.

Nephele caught Eren rolling his eyes at her, so she stuck her tongue out at him defiantly.

When the large brass bell in the city's clocktower began its clangor, Nephele wondered what it meant. At first, her initial thought was that it was heralding a titan invasion, but then she heard the crowd's chattering, and the hooves of walking horses.

"The Scouts have returned!"

"Did you kick those titans' asses, Commander Erwin?"

And then, the words that squeezed around her heart: "Look, it's Captain Levi!"

Whether the sudden leap in Nephele's chest was from relief or fear, she couldn't tell. She was relieved that he was still alive, but scared of seeing his face. For the second time in her life, Nephele was thankful for being so short. She couldn't see very well above the crowd that loomed over her. When the sound of hooves drew nearer, she knew that she would be able to see Levi's head on horseback. It had been a year…

As long as she knew he was alive, it was enough. If Levi were to die, so too would humanity's hope, and so too would her heart.

So, she bowed her head and waited for the convoy to pass.

* * *

Even if he hadn't searched, Levi wouldn't have missed the flurry of Nephele's red hair. With the sun's rays shining down on them all, the light caught her hair and almost made it seem alive with flames. A nimbus circled her head like a saint or a ring of fire, yet her face was hidden by the crowd, her head tilted down as if something demanded her attention more than the presence of the Survey Corps. He knew that she didn't want to look at him, and didn't blame her. He claimed it as his own sort of small victory.

Maybe her hair was so red because she was baptised in blood during birth.

"Captain Levi." Petra demanded his attention then, yet he didn't tear his eyes away from Nephele until his horse had passed. Not once did she look up.

"Yes, Petra." Tugging at his cravat which had seemed a bit tighter all of a sudden, Levi looked at the brown haired woman to his right. She asked him what he had been looking at, and he said it was the stain on some butcher's shirt. She smiled knowingly and shook her head, but left it at that.

* * *

Nephele had never been atop the Walls before. Even with the ODM to put some distance between her feet and the ground, she had never had a phobia of heights until she stood behind the parapets of Wall Rose.

"Holy fuck. I never knew it was so…"

"Big?" Mina finished for her as the two stared at the landscape that stretched endlessly, its boundaries passing even that of the distant horizon. The trees looked like specks of green, the villages the homes of sophisticated insects. The mountains seemed like they were painted on the sky, too resplendent in their nobility to be real.

"Yeah. It's nothing like standing next to it," she murmured, not for the first time noticing the ungainly beasts wandering aimlessly below. Several scratched at the walls, rearing their hideous heads and wide, unblinking eyes to stare at those manning the cannons above them. She could make out wisps of steam in her peripheral vision that evaporated back into the air when the streaks of blood they left on the walls from their mindless clawing dissipated.

"That titan, the colossal one…" Mina didn't finish her sentence, and she didn't have to. Nephele closed her eyes, trying to push the thoughts of something so fearsome away from her brain. Against something like that, humanity's fate didn't seem so bright.

"Yeah."

"Hey, Mina, Nephele! Come here!" Sasha called out to the two, her voice like a bucket of cold water. Nephele was grateful for it. Maybe being so close to the sun was starting to fry her brain.

"Nephele doesn't eat meat, idiot," reminded Connie. Sasha shushed him.

Once they reached the small group of graduates, which included Sasha, Connie, Eren, Thomas Wagner, and Samuel Linke-Jackson, it was revealed that Sasha had managed to smuggle a hunk of meat from some officer's storehouse. While they debated about the morality of stealing valuable meat until each acquiesced, Nephele turned back to the vast expanse of what once was the outer Wall's territory. Sasha had seemed so sure that they would retake that land one day, promising that they'd be able raise more cattle and that meat would once again be in abundance. If titans won this fight, she thought that the animals would be much happier.

When she looked up at the sky, she thought that it would be a much nicer place to live than down here.

There was a sudden flash of light so bright that Nephele's vision went white. Her ears rang from the explosion like a gun had been fired right next to her head, and looming over her was a mass of muscle and sinew and despair personified.

It all happened so quickly, and Nephele was too frozen with shock to react. Then, a burst of steam erupted from the Colossal Titan's body, obscuring her vision and burning her flesh like someone had dumped boiling water on it. Screaming, she stumbled back, and the thunder to the titan's lightning shook the Wall as a gust of wind and steam shoved her backwards until gravity brought her down.

It wasn't like free falling during training. This was real, this wasn't what she signed up for. She saw the limitless sky above her and righted herself as she descended, shooting her cables at the wall and feeling her body jar from the sudden change in motion. She put her new heels to use and skidded down the Wall's side until her cables were pulled taut. She was grateful that they were reinforced with iron bamboo, or they'd surely been rubbed raw from the friction.

Once she had ensured her own safety, Nephele looked around to check the status of her comrades. Connie, Eren, Thomas, and Sasha had managed to secure themselves with their gear, but Samuel wasn't among them. She looked down to see his figure plummeting towards the ground, and before she could think of a solution Sasha had disengaged her grappling hooks from the Wall and started sprinting down the Wall's side. Once she was close enough to his unconscious body, she shot one of her hooks into his leg.

"Shit," muttered Nephele to herself. She didn't know that Sasha was capable of such critical thinking.

Then she heard Eren and Connie's curses, and her head swiveled over to the breach in the wall that the Colossal Titan had kicked in. The hole was massive, and soon titans would come filing through it. Nephele thought about the sweet old woman and all of her rescue dogs, and the terrible fate that they'd be subjected to. She thought about the woman's husband, and the grim news he'd receive, and the guilt he'd feel for being behind the safety of Wall Sina while his wife suffered a gruesome death between the teeth of some titan.

Eren's voice interrupted her thoughts and brought her back to the current moment, the task at hand. "Fixed cannon maintenance team four," he shouted. Nephele couldn't see his face very clearly, but his body language and voice were emanating unadulterated fury and determination. "Prepare for combat!" A spark of steel flashed like Levi's eyes when he unsheathed his blades and vaulted his body towards the Colossal Titan, it's hand still visible as it gripped the top of Wall Rose. It's giant fingers left indentations in the brick, flecks of rubble flaking off now and then. "Our target is the Colossal Titan before us. This is our chance! Don't let it get away!" He was practically screaming, and the graduates watched as he disappeared over the Wall.

Eren had it all wrong. There _was_ no chance.


	11. Chapter 11: Coquelicots

**[AN]** in case you haven't noticed by now, I like to sneak Skyrim references into my fanfiction. oooh, I have an idea! if you can guess the two Skyrim references I've made in this fic, I'll write you a oneshot for any fandom and/or pairing of your choosing. if you guess correctly, I'll shoot you a PM and we can discuss the details from there.~ you'll find the references in this chapterand chapter 8.

also, there will be a bonus chapter up next featuring Marco and Jean. I hope you enjoy it.~

as for the quote. I'm quite the fan of Game of Thrones, especially the books. the quote for this chapter has a lot of foreshadowing, and if you can also guess what it foreshadows, I'll write you a oneshot as well! if you haven't noticed, I'm feeling generous lately. I've just been in a super good mood, so that's why I'm giving you all two chances at getting a oneshot of your choosing written by me, and a bonus chapter with one of my favorite ships.

also, coquelicots are poppies, and are associated with war and death, as during World War I the flowers would bloom in abundance in No Man's Land. you've probably gotten a paper poppy from a member of the American Legion Auxiliary around Memorial or Veteran's Day before if you live in the States.

* * *

_"Every flight begins with a fall." - George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones_

**Chapter 11: Coquelicots**

Of Nephele's team, there were four women and two men including herself. Moira El-Hashem was a brown haired, tan skinned woman who hailed from the Western Division, as did Olevia Moore, a fair skinned, blue eyed girl of eighteen. The other three were from the Southern District, which included a robust man of twenty years by the name of Gotthilf Eisner, a lanky teen by the name of Milivoj Hejda, and a tall black haired woman named Astrid Caliri.

Nephele had never commanded a dog before, let alone an entire squad of graduates fresh from the crop. Hell, she hadn't even been able to command her feet to move in the face of the Colossal Titan. Looking back on that moment made Nephele grimace. Never again would she let herself look like such a fool.

"Ten meter class, no signs of abnormality, at nine o'clock heading south! It hasn't detected us yet. Caliri and El-Hashem, intercept and distract it. Moore and Hejda, I need you on look out. Eisner, you're with me," Nephele shouted to the graduates currently under her command. This would be her first titan kill, and she needed to make sure that the dance of death was choreographed to perfection.

"Yes, ma'am!" several of them replied in earnest, though Caliri only did as she was ordered, soaring off towards the direction of the target, and Eisner nodded as he maneuvered to Nephele's side.

"Caliri and El-Hashem are the most proficient with their gear, so you chose them to act as decoys, correct?" he noted with a confident grin, so sure that that would be Nephele's reasoning. With his confident attitude and close shaven blonde hair, he reminded her of Reiner Braun.

She spared him a definitive answer and made it clear that she wouldn't condone idle chit-chat. "My reasonings are of no concern to you, Eisner, though I've noticed that you could use a bit of work on your ODM skills. Which is why you'll be attacking the target's achilles and subscapularis tendons. I hope you remember where those are located. Do the achilles first to drop it, then go for the subscapularis to incapacitate it," she instructed as they ran across a clay shingled roof of someone's home, her heels breaking the tiles into pieces in a way that was almost satisfying.

"Yes, ma'am," he muttered almost sarcastically under his breath as they leapt into the air to jump from one roof to the next.

"Good." Looking forward, she saw Caliri and El-Hashem baiting the target, weaving around buildings and quickly retreating. Caliri would get the beast's attention and get it to follow her, then disappear behind a row of houses so that El-Hashem could draw its attention elsewhere. They switched roles after that and the cycle continued until Nephele and Eisner reached the fray. Hejda and Moore flickered from rooftop to rooftop, scouting any nooks and crannies where a hungry titan could reach its hand out and snatch an unsuspecting trainee as they jumped from rooftop to rooftop.

When they were only a few meters from the titan, approaching from the rear, Caliri came in on the titan's right as it was still occupied with trying to reach El-Hashem, who always kept more than a titan sized arm's length from it. As El-Hashem maneuvered into a tight alleyway between several buildings, the titan noticed Caliri approaching in its peripheral vision. Nephele saw its bulging eyes roll in Caliri's direction before she was aware that it had detected her, and when she went to pass behind it, it shot its arm out towards her, its gnarled hand ready to wrap around her lithe frame.

"Eisner, now!" she bellowed to the male before shooting her cables at a building parallel to the titan. She felt the cables pull taut before using her gas to bring herself towards the building, then kicked off the side of another structure towards the titan's hand. She unsheathed her blades and plugged them into their guards as the titan's fingers enclosed around Caliri's body like a cage of flesh and bone. She didn't scream, but her arms were pinned to her sides and all she could do was thrash helplessly. Nephele used a bit more gas as she flipped her body forward and tucked in her knees in a somersault so that she'd practically roll through the air like a wheel, and ended up completely severing the titan's wrist in two different places. Steam poured out of the severed hand, the titan's arm, and the meter wide slice of forearm she had cut off with her swords. The hand lost grip and Caliri deftly sliced off its appendages and secured her cables onto a building, then pulled herself on top of it.

By then, Eisner had reached the titan, and carved through each of its achilles tendons as instructed. The titan reached for Nephele with its last hand as it collapsed, but she sliced off its fingers as it passed her. She embedded her hooks into its shoulder blade and landed there to deliver the fatal blow to the nape of its neck.

"Are you alright, Caliri?" Nephele called out to the cadet, vaulting herself off of the titan's body before it fell to the ground. The decomposition process had already begun, as steam came wheezing out of its skin like a tea kettle, making it seem more apt to call it an evaporation process instead. Her squad converged on the building Caliri had escaped onto. She was doubled over as if in pain, her ponytail coming loose and the strands matted and in disarray.

Caliri was dry heaving, tears and mucus dribbling down her face. It seemed like she was about to vomit, but her mind was too panicked to even allow her body such an unpleasant sort of reprieve. If she were to vomit, it would end up getting in her long, inky hair.

Nephele went to her and knelt by the once impassive woman, then unwrapped the elastic around her hair with her small fingers. Baffled, the girl lifted her head to stare at Nephele with strands of onyx colored hair hanging haphazardly in her face. Nephele smiled and tucked those strands behind her ears, then pulled her hair back into a smooth ponytail. The rest of her squad watched on wordlessly.

"There. If you throw up, now it won't get in your pretty hair," Nephele murmured. Caliri's pale, harrowed face gained a bit of color before she shook her head and got off her knees. Nephele thought that she was well again until Caliri hurried to the edge of the building to retch over the side of it. Nephele and the rest of her squad averted their gazes.

As Caliri was occupied with emptying the contents of her stomach, Nephele turned her attention to the city of Trost. Wisps of smoke twirled through the air at the mercy of the wind, and the disproportionate heads of titans bobbed between houses in the distance. Figures glided through the sky like paper airplanes every so often, and Nephele even glimpsed one getting snatched from the sky by a titan like a child with a toy. She wondered what cadet's fate was currently being smothered between the hand of that giant before getting crunched between its teeth. She heard a scream and wondered if it was theirs or some other hapless human, and then she heard another one and knew that it was Astrid's.

Chemicals exploded into her bloodstream like injections. The skin on her arms rose in tiny bumps, making the fine hairs stand at attention. The scream seemed to enter one ear, pulse through her brain, then exit out the other, leaving nothing in its wake but unsullied instinct. Nephele swiveled her body towards the direction Caliri was in, drawing her swords, and heard her squad mirror her actions. There was only enough time to watch as Astrid Caliri's head and torso were enveloped in the jaws of a seven-meter class titan. Before Nephele could take more than a single step forward, the beast's jaws snapped shut like a bear trap with over five tons of force, effectively sawing through Astrid's body with its incisors. The sound her bones made when they snapped into dozens of fragments between the titan's teeth reminded Nephele of snow crunching beneath the weight of her boots in the winter. When her life's blood splattered on Nephele's pale flesh, she wondered what it'd look like in stark contrast with snow as well.

"Caliri!" screamed some. "Astrid!" shrieked another. Nephele recognized the voice as belonging to Hejda, the bony kid with a mop of dirty blonde hair.

When gravity brought the giant back to the ground, it brought with it the upper half of Astrid's body, but left behind everything else from the waist down. Blood gushed steadily from where she'd been mawed in half, her trousers bloody and tattered. Her gear was still attached to what remained of her harness, the stainless steel awash with crimson.

_'__For whom and against what do I fight, again?' _

Nephele leapt off of the roof and somersaulted in the air like she had when she managed to save Astrid's life. This time, she was avenging her. Blades drawn, she saw a blurry mass of flesh - what she presumed to be the beast's arm - swipe in her direction. Still in the middle of free-falling, Nephele planted her heels against the stone wall of one building and kicked off of it, twisting her body to land upright on the titan's upper arm. She ran up its length to reach its shoulder, narrowly missing its hand when it swatted at her like she was a fly. Part of her wished that she could take her time eviscerating the beast, but she wasn't too confident in her abilities yet, nor did she see the sense in wasting precious time and gas on a creature as insignificant to her as the dirt beneath her new heels. The beast howled, bucked, and reached for her with its hands, but she was too nimble, too quick and precise. Nephele prided herself on her neat, clean, particular way of handling all aspects of her life: from curling her hair to painting her nails and to slicing off the exact measurements of a titan's nape like a butcher carves out the sirloin of a cattle's corpse. One meter long, ten centimeters wide.

She spun on the titan's back with the grace of a dancer to give her blades extra momentum until they made impact then let the rotation of her body carry the swords for her, carving through nerves and tissue. The chunk of meat fell to the pavement and hissed as it lay there evaporating. Nephele kicked herself off of the titan as its knees gave out and released a small amount of gas to reach the roof where her remaining squad members were gawking and sobbing at the events that just transpired before them.

What remained of Astrid's body would decompose at a much slower rate than the titan's would. Part of her wanted to slice open the monster's ravenous belly and salvage whatever parts of Astrid she could find, but what would the point be?

Nephele's blades still had a few good chops left in them, so she flicked her wrists to dispel the rivulets of blood trickling down the metal and deposited them back into her gear. Hejda was on his knees as if in prayer, looking towards the sky for some sort of answer to some sort of question. Maybe he was looking for Astrid's spirit, thought Nephele, as it floated into the heavens, far above the carnage below. His gaze was empty, not searching for anything in particular. His jaw had gone slack, his mouth hanging open. Each breath sounded like he was swallowing razors as tears welled up in his eyes.

"Get up, soldier," Nephele ordered, hating herself for seeming so insensitive after Hejda had just watched his friend get devoured. She wondered what the complexities of their relationship was. She wondered how they first met during those three grueling years of training, and what their plans were for the future. Nephele never knew Hejda and Astrid very well, and had only seen them in passing, but they were together quite often. If she lost someone dear to her like that, Nephele didn't know how she'd feel. But, she knew she couldn't give up hope so long as she had someone to protect. "All of you, get your shit together. Do you see what happens when you let your anxiety get the best of you?! You cry, you die out here!" she yelled, pointing towards the last place Astrid Caliri breathed air.

Eisner, who seemed more horrified than emotionally damaged, ground his teeth together for composure. He shook his head and closed his eyes then pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers as he took a deep breath.

"She's right. We can't stay here. We need to keep slaughtering these monsters or they'll get to the civilians before everyone can evacuate," he said.

"How long will that take? We killed one titan, and we've already got a casualty count! There's still so many of them!" Moore panicked.

"With every death, we learn something," said El-Hashem to her comrade. Nephele wondered what the two meant to each other as well.

"That's right. And what we've learned is that the quickest route to death is led by fear," Eisner finished, his resolve strengthening. El-Hashem nodded. It was clear that Hejda was still disturbed by what happened, but his eyes no longer looked like they would bulge out of their sockets at least.

"Get up, Hejda. We need you," Nephele insisted, holding her hand out to him. She remembered smoothing back Astrid's soft hair with that hand, wondering if her DNA still lingered on her palm. Hejda stared at the hand offered to him and didn't take it as he lifted himself off the ground, dusting off his trousers instead.

"You don't, really. I'm the weakest one out of all of you guys. I'm the one who needs you," he muttered, not even trying to sweeten his words with a shy smile like Armin sometimes would.

Nephele smiled and let her hand fall to her side. "Just follow my lead. If we stick to our plan, no one else will have to die. I promise."

* * *

"For whom and what do I fight?"

The crows started circling overhead as more titans loomed below. All that remained of her squad were tattered uniforms, dismembered limbs, and Hejda's severed head, staring at her accusingly. His mouth hung agape, the words that he never got to say echoing in Nephele's head. _"You promised."_

She was a pathetic excuse for a trainee. Number two? She was even more of a craven than Arlert. In the face of danger, her pretty words were just that; words.

Numb to all her senses but sight, Nephele wasn't sure if the blood on her hands was hers or not. How had it all happened? One minute, her team was systematically slaughtering titans, and the next they were being devoured by them, one by one. How many had there been? Seven? Eight? Eisner killed two, and El-Hashem felled one. Nephele lost count of how many she killed, until one after the other her comrades died. She was ultimately responsible for their deaths. Now, her time had come. After all, did her aspirations really matter anymore? The world will eat itself from the inside out, and the government and King she swore to destroy will die with it.

No, the world will live on without humankind. It would certainly live on without her.

What gave Nephele the right to live anyway, when so many others had died? Her entire squad had been obliterated, and she was too weak to stop it. There had been so many titans… Mikasa would have made quick work of them. What's the point of being strong if you can't protect anyone?

Approaching footsteps brought Nephele back to her senses. First, it was hearing. She heard each step the titan took as it took a leisurely stroll to where she knelt on the ground, the reverberating, terrible pounding like someone was taking a hammer to her skull. She felt the brick road tremble beneath her like a small earthquake was splitting the earth. She smelled perfume and oranges, and across the street she found a wooden cart filled with the fruit, some rolling out and careening down the street as the ground shook every time the giant brought a massive, bare foot down. She tasted blood on her tongue from when she'd bit her cheek to hold back her screams. When she decided to look at the face of the titan that would consume her, she saw a tangle of silver hair growing off of its face. It was the first titan she had ever seen with facial hair, and she wondered why that was the case. Do titans shave? Why is it this one particular titan that has a beard?

More importantly, why was a hand reaching out of its mouth and ripping its jaws open? The hand lengthened into an arm, and the titan collapsed unceremoniously in front of Nephele, its unblinking eyes staring at her. She wanted to scream again. Was this how titans reproduced? Did they vomit out more titans? The titan reached for her, it's wrinkled, gnarled hand beckoning for her to accept it. Rising to her feet on shaking legs and bony knees, Nephele turned tail and sprinted away just as she heard the most hideous sound to have ever entered her ears. It was worse than Astrid's scream of despair as she was bit in half. It was worse than her mother's voice when she murmured _"Live for yourself." _

That struck a cord in her, played from her own heart strings and resonating throughout her entire being. Why hadn't her mother's last words ever crossed her mind before that moment? These past five years had been spent living for revenge. She had to live.

Turning her head back to search for the source of that terrible, bone crunching sound, Nephele witnessed as something emerged from the titan's body like a parasite that had resided within it only to morph into something large enough to tear its host from the inside out. Blood and flesh rained upon the earth, flecks of crimson dotting Nephele's cheek before evaporating on her skin, burning her and then vanishing without a trace. Stomach acid and fragments of corpses poured out of it like the contents of a beer barrel that had been smashed open, splintered bones protruding from its body like wooden planks. She nearly vomited, her own insides churning from the sight.

And from the wreckage, a creature was born. Its emerald eyes were alive with unadulterated fury, glimmering like gemstones. It rose to stand at fifteen meters tall, its herculean physique unlike any titan she'd ever seen. When it opened its mouth, steam whistled out like the engine of a train as it reared its head to roar at the heavens with indignation. It made her skin crawl. She hadn't realized until then that she'd stopped running.

It payed Nephele no attention. She took a hesitant step back as it started walking in her direction with its new legs, its gaze fixed on something behind her. It placed a seemingly deliberate step on the titan's nape that it had just emerged from, effectively killing it before it could completely regenerate. Nephele turned to see what demanded its attention to find yet another titan, a wimpy little five meter class that was crouched on its haunches as it readied itself to pounce. Surely enough, the beast leapt into the air, both titans completely disregarding Nephele's presence as she stood gawking at the scene between them. The larger titan, the one with emerald eyes, lunged forward, and Nephele hurried to the nearest alley for shelter from the fray.

Nothing made sense.

She lingered just long enough to watch as the larger titan shot a left hook at the others head. It was already evident who the victor of that battle would be, so Nephele sprinted down the alley, the rogue titan's screams following her every step of the way.

The dark alleys were more comforting than the open sky now, holding her close within their confines. Her breath came out it short, ragged puffs, yet still she kept running down the labyrinth of alleys and side streets until a pool of blood made her slip and sent her crashing into the cobblestone. She instinctively covered her face as she fell in the puddle, red waves rolling and then breaking, staining her skin and clothes. She looked up, her vision blurred red, and saw a trail of blood splatters leading back into the open streets. Her trousers had been torn open and the skin over her knees scraped raw, yet still she stood. There was so much blood. If every drop the titans had ever spilled was collected and then rained from the clouds, would it flood the land?

Conflicting emotions and aspirations battled for her heart's favor. Part of her still dreamed of toppling the oppressive government that sent her mother to her death, but in the end it was the titans who devoured her parents. It was the titans who slaughtered her comrades and the titans who crumbled whatever semblance of hope humanity had left.

She followed the candy trail of blood that led to what remained of Marco Bott. The tears wouldn't come, it seemed. She'd wasted all of them on herself years ago. His upper half was propped up against a brick wall, his eyes open but unseeing. Most of the blood he lost had been that puddle Nephele had fallen into, and she looked at her hands, his remnants smeared on her palms.

When she vomited, it was stomach acid, and it seared her throat. She dry heaved, hugging her stomach, and the tears that sprung from her eyes were only from discomfort, and she wished that she could cry more, and she dreaded the look on Jean's face when he would learn of his lover's end. Hadn't Jean suffered enough?

It was cruel, but Nephele couldn't bear to see Jean like that. She couldn't bear to confront him, or hide the truth that was staring her in the face.

Perhaps beyond these Walls bloomed some sort of oasis, and her parents would be waiting for her there…

The rearguard had been obliterated, so she shouldn't be met with opposition once she scaled Wall Rose. After that, she'd travel to the closest military headquarters on foot, hiding by day and traveling by night, when the beasts are less active. There, she'd stock up on fuel and weapons, and head towards Wall Maria. After that, she didn't know what territory laid beyond.

This was what her mother would have wanted, right? She'd want her daughter to see the world, not avenge ghosts and toil and plow soil drenched in blood.

She understood now, why books detailing the outside world had been burned a century ago after the Walls were constructed. Within their pages must have been written mountains made of diamonds that scrape the sky, and grass softer than velvet and rivers of gold. If the people knew the truth, they'd all express desire to venture beyond the Walls. That must have been the government's true goal all along, to herd its people like cattle with no where to run from the titans once they finally toppled the Walls like a house of cards. It was just a giant slaughterhouse.

She'd travel beyond human territory, beyond titan territory, and if the world ended somewhere in between, she'd jump into the void and pray that past the darkness was something to break her fall.

Bodies were in abundance, sprouting from the cobblestone roads like daisies and half dangling off of the roofs of houses like ivy. Nephele abandoned Marco's side to search for one with its maneuver gear still intact. Finally, after ten minutes of evading and avoiding titans, and running on fumes, Nephele found a veteran member of the Garrison laying face down in the middle of the commercial district of Trost. The area was mostly devoid of titans, who had all moved north where their prey was gathered in frightened flocks, so she thought it would be safe to go on foot. She lowered herself beside the man's body, her gaze sweeping back and forth, taking in her surroundings.

The tiny, intimate shops were a familiar sight. Nephele recognized the decorative cakes in one window, wondering if anyone in Trost who had a birthday or other upcoming event had ordered a cake from that shop. She glanced up to look at the wooden sign above the translucent glass door, noting the fresh coat of blue paint over which was carved _Patty's Cakes. _Speckled blood sullied the long, glass window that dominated the front of the small bakery. After that window would be the fur clothing boutique, and beyond that…

Nephele bent at the knees beside the fallen soldier's body, fiddling with his gas canisters to remove them. She'd look around for titans while using muscle memory to unscrew and unclasp, then screw and clasp again. Though she knew she shouldn't be, Nephele was grateful that he had fallen early in battle. There was over eight tenths of pressurized gas left in each of the cylinders. Still no titans. Looking towards where the rescue shelter was, Nephele took off in a brisk jog to survey the wreckage after she had finished securing the gas cylinders, dreading what she might find.

The clay-shingled roof was caved in, probably from some large titan stepping on it with a heavy foot the size of a carriage. The windows were shattered to pieces, glass littering the sidewalk and jagged teeth lining the windows like the mouth of a titan. The display window that the puppies she nursed the night before slept in was broken as well, with shards of glass dipped in blood scattered all around. Rubble blocked the store's only door, the wooden support beams split in two. There wasn't any barking, which made Nephele fear for the worse.

"Please, no," she prayed to some nameless, cruel god, as she sprinted over to the shelter to peer into its dark, bloody depths. What she saw, she couldn't put into words, and if there was anything left in her stomach she'd have thrown that up as well. When she looked down at the pile of hay where those orphaned puppies had curled up next to her, suddenly she wasn't so forlorn. Instead, her sadness was replaced with hatred and anger, the two emotions that first fueled her passion and dreams.

She screamed at the heavens, called out the gods for their inhumanity, and cursed everything that had ever existed. Her fist smashed against the wooden structure, and her knuckles split more than the oak beneath them did. When she'd lost her voice, everything was silent. The air was still and thick with the permeating scent of death.

Then, she heard it; the pathetic, helpless whimpering. Beneath one of its siblings crushed bodies, the cream colored pup stirred and began crawling towards her, limping but with no visible, life-threatening injuries. It's azure eyes were not unlike her own, she thought. She reached out for it, and it entered her arms so trustingly, its warmth spreading throughout Nephele's entire body. She carefully brought the creature to her chest, where it rested its head on her shoulder, whining as it nuzzled into the curve of her neck.

"You're okay," she murmured, more to herself than the creature nestled in her arms.

* * *

The Wall was before her, then beside her, and then beneath her. Nephele looked down at the land below, searching for a path that wouldn't lead straight to a titan's jaws. The closest town was south east from the Wall, one whose name she couldn't remember. Soon enough, Trost would suffer a similar fate. After today, it would start to fall into dilapidation, and the years would wear away the stone buildings, and the birds would eat what remained of everyone's bodies, and everything will turn to rot.

Nephele leapt off of the Wall once more, considering for a few moments of free falling to let the ground kiss her and shatter her bones. Death would be instantaneous, liberating even. She looked to the sky again until it dominated her vision. She saw pictures in the clouds, halos of light and columns of sunbeams illuminating the land. Lifting her hand towards the sun itself, she imagined plucking it from the sky like a ripened piece of fruit and devouring it.

It occurred to her that she was carrying precious cargo tucked safely away in the makeshift sling hanging around her neck that Nephele had made out of a freshly laundered sheet she'd found hanging on a clothesline. She'd wrapped and tied it so that no matter how she moved through the air, the pup wouldn't be able to fall out. Only it's tiny head was visible, and it sniffed at the air as she soared through it with the help of her gear.

That was one reason she didn't follow through with her fantasy. Perhaps it would be easier to go on living if she had something to live for, even if that something was a month old mutt. Nephele pulled the triggers to her cables and skidded down the length of the wall on her heels, letting gravity bring her down as she added more and more length to her wires. She avoided the gaping hole the Colossal Titan had kicked in, where its smaller counterparts steadily trickled into Trost from. Because of this, it was easy for her to avoid them. She released the hooks once she was several meters off the ground, kicking off of the wall to flip backwards through the air and land softly on the earth below.

"Was that fun, Poppy?" she murmured to the creature stowed in its hammock. Poppy, the female cream colored mix, licked her chin with its rough tongue, and Nephele laughed softly before heading southeast at a brisk jog. There weren't any buildings or enough trees for her to efficiently use the ODM, so she'd be stuck on foot until she reached the next town.

The land was sparsely dotted with timber, the soil was loose and dry, but grass was abundant. It was a sea of sun-bleached vegetation, and in the distance Nephele could make out several manmade landmarks. She saw what was once a lumber mill to the southeast by the river of rushing water that slithers through all of humanity's territory, and the beaten cobblestone path that led south to the closest town. The path began at the broken gate of Trost, so needless to say, it would be unwise for her to take that route.

Nephele took off at a brisk jog towards Kiruna, avoiding the path leading to Trost. She never relaxed, always on the lookout for approaching titans. When she saw a figure loping towards her in the distance, she'd sprint in the opposite direction until it was out of sight. Yet she could only avoid them for so long. There were ten kilometers between Trost and Kiruna, and countless titans in between after all.

By the third kilometer, Nephele had become flanked by two titans. She feared for the pup's safety most of all, and hoped that fighting for the life of another would give her more strength than if she were to fight for herself.

How many titans had she killed by now? It was hard to keep track. They all looked the same to her, yet no matter how many she felled, their faces still made her blood run cold.

Unsheathing her blades, Nephele sprinted towards the titan closest to her. She'd have to fell it before the other could grab her. It was a ten meter class, and she waited for it to swipe a hand down at her before plunging her cables into its shoulder. She counted the number of seconds it took for it to bend down and reach her, factoring in its height. One and a half seconds. So, she'd have one and a half seconds to slice out its nape before it could lift its hand to reach her once again. The cables reeled in, pulling her body with it, and Nephele made quick work of the beast, slicing off a chunk of flesh from its nape just in time. The hand that it reached towards her fell just short of three feet, and then its body fell with it.

There was still another target. Nephele jumped off of the titan's evaporating body as the other titan's fist came crashing down. She landed on its hand and sprinted up its arm, slicing off the fingers of its other hand as it came towards her. Blood splattered on her cheek and burned her skin as it sizzled there. She raised her blades high and leapt off of its shoulder, releasing a bit of gas as she spun through the air like the graceful dancers her mother always talked about, her swords tearing through muscle and flesh with ease.

Nephele nimbly landed six meters below and inserted her blades back into their sheathes as she set off towards Kiruna once more.

* * *

There was no outrunning the Survey Corps on foot in this kind of terrain. They moved silently, charging for Trost in the formation Erwin developed that she'd learned about in class, and as such they were impossible to avoid.

"Lay down your weapons, Ambrosia," ordered Commander Erwin Smith as he sat atop his destrier, looking down at her even more than he used to. She locked eyes with him, her swords held so firmly in her hands that her knuckles were white and split. She didn't dare lift her gaze and let it wander elsewhere, because where ever Erwin is, Levi is never more than a few feet to his right.

She didn't want to see the disgust on his face.

"I will die if you apprehend me, and I'd much rather perish with swords in my hands," she answered, lifting her chin. She was surrounded by elite members of the Survey Corps, and stood no chance of getting out unscathed. All that mattered to her was pup she rescued from Trost, which squirmed restlessly in the sling she made.

"What's that?" Erwin inquired, motioning with his head at the writhing bundle wrapped around Nephele's shoulders.

"A dog. Am I allowed a dying wish, Commander?"

"No. You don't deserve death, seeing as how much you crave its release," he murmured.

That was when Levi finally spoke up. Nephele heard him scoff, but still refused to look at him.

"Why not give her what she wants? She's running away while her comrades are dying," Levi muttered. He spoke in the same tone he used when referring to titans. Nephele vaguely remembers her mother telling her that it is worse to ignore evil than to commit that evil.

Levi must have thought that she was worse than the titans. Maybe she was.

"And we're wasting time while her comrades are dying. Levi, I leave her to you." Then to the rest of his squad, "We need to get to Trost as quickly as possible."

Dirt and dust took to the air as Erwin and his squad headed for Trost, a blast of green signaling to the rest of the formation that they were moving onward. When the air cleared, all that remained was Levi astride his horse, and Nephele standing in the dirt, swords drawn.

The silence settled with the dust.

"I could kill you right now, and tell them that it was a titan," he said casually.

"Tell me, Levi. Why should I fight and risk my life for people who are going to eventually die anyways?" she asked, searching for answers in his expressionless face.

"Because that's what humans do."

She wanted to love him, and wanted him to love her too. Perhaps in another world or another time, they could have lived together, instead of dying apart.

"My fate has always been to die as a punishment for treason, it seems. Though this isn't quite the way I wanted it to be," she murmured to the ground. The good thing about having a death sentence hanging over your head is that it doesn't matter anymore what you say or do.

"You're not going to die yet. I've learned that whatever Erwin wants, he has a way of getting," Levi said.

A ray of sunlight glinted off of Nephele's blades, reminding her of the way Levi's eyes shine like molten steel sometimes. She could see someone's reflection staring back at her, but the girl in the metal couldn't be her. She's too dirty, too bloody, too old.

"You're right. I can't die yet."

Nephele released her blades and sent them hurtling towards Levi.


	12. Bonus Chapter: Pretty Boys

**[AN] **I hope you like your fan service in the form of fluff.

* * *

**Bonus Chapter: Pretty Boys**

Jean liked girls with pretty hair. Mikasa had the silkiest, shiniest hair he'd ever seen, and he'd never met a girl quite like her before in both appearance and personality. She was exotic, stoic, independent, graceful, talented -

'_Damn.' _Groaning, Jean let his head fall forward, banging it off the wooden picnic table with a dull 'thud.' There he went again, letting his thoughts wander. If he kept thinking about Mikasa, the list of all her positive qualities would never end. Beneath that head of ink black hair was a mind he wished he could explore, but she guarded it in a maze of thorns that Jean couldn't navigate through. She's…

Jean slammed his head again.

"Are you feeling alright, Jean?" inquired his closest friend Marco Bott. The two were enjoying the day off from training with coffee and rations of priceless meat. Leaves hung brown and brittle on their gnarled antecedents, and the air was crisp and cool. The thermometers read just above ten degrees Celsius, and the only things keeping them warm was the coffee in their bellies, the sun on their backs, and their woolen sweaters.

"I feel like an idiot," answered Jean, turning his head to look at Marco, who gave him a pat on the back and a knowing smile.

"That's because you are an idiot," he said.

"What the hell, man?" Jean lifted his head and rested his chin on a palm, eyes searching far but unseeing. The sun on the bare skin of Jean's hands and face and neck reminded him of the warmth of Nephele's hair. It had grown long in the past year, and he wondered when she'd cut it. Most girls kept their hair above shoulder length so that it wouldn't get in the way during training or battle, but hers already reached the swell of her breasts. It was thick and wavy too, and longer than it looked.

"It's hard to find love in a world full of so much hate," said Marco the Wise as he sipped from his tin mug. Steam kissed his cheeks and reddened them.

"You always say the lamest shit," Jean chuckled.

"It's true," insisted Marco.

"What part? That lame statement you just made, or mine?"

"Both." The pair laughed, and caught each other's gazes, holding them for a few moments before Jean let go. Marco frowned and took a long draught of his coffee. He took it with two tablespoons of sugar, as milk was also hard to come by.

On the other hand, Jean preferred his with five heaping spoonfuls. He couldn't stand the bitter taste, and didn't understand how people preferred their coffee black. It seemed like the "manly" thing to do, but that was a bunch of bullshit. Jean thought that people worried too much about conventional standards and practices. Maybe he was looking a bit too deeply into his cup of coffee.

"So, you going to tell me what happened? Was it Nephele or Mikasa?"

Sighing, Jean swirled the contents of his mug, his breath as visible as the rising steam. "It was Nephele. Remember that bracelet I got for her two months ago? The one in that jewelry store in Dunstad?"

"Yeah. That thing was pretty, and it cost you a pretty coin. What of it?" Marco asked.

Jean swallowed, suddenly feeling several degrees hotter despite the chill. He anxiously drummed his fingers on the table, wary of the conversation.

"Well, she gave it back to me yesterday after I'd asked her to eat lunch with me." Burying his face in his hands, he shook his head, hiding his expression. "I should've known better! She never wore it, and I always got this weird feeling in my stomach whenever I looked at her wrist to see if it was there, but it never was. But I still… Fuck!" He slammed his head again and stayed like that.

Marco patted his back again reassuringly, but this time his hand stayed there, right above his shoulder blade. He could feel how tense his friend was beneath his palm, and noticed that tension wane as the seconds passed. Marco was much warmer than Nephele's crimson hair, thought Jean.

Peeking up at him from the cracks between Jean's fingers, Jean felt some unfamiliar feeling well up in his chest, filling his lungs. It wasn't overwhelming. It was like air, but sweeter and of more substance. It was warm like Marco, and it spread throughout his entire body.

"Now you know how she feels, and you can start moving on."

Jean righted himself, and Marco's hand marked a trail of warmth to his other shoulder to pull him to his side.

"But I don't know how I feel," Jean caught himself saying, staring at the freckles on Marco's face, just inches away from his own. Who knew one could feel so warm in autumn?

"You do. You just haven't found the right words for it yet."

Jean didn't think there were words to describe what Marco's hand felt like, the effect of his kind, unwavering gaze, or the feeling suffusing his heart. He just knew that he wanted his best friend to be more than that. He wanted to run his fingers through his short, cropped hair and kiss his freckled cheek and hold his clumsy hands.

Instead, he sat on that picnic bench and waited for Marco's hand to fall from his shoulder like the leaves from the trees.

* * *

Nephele's words resonated in Jean's head.

"_I'm not the one for you, but I think you've already met that person." _

He felt even more stupid now for not realizing what was right in front of him more than he had when he was deluding himself of Nephele's feelings. Marco. Kind, freckled, virtuous Marco.

Jean was forthright, but he was also a bit of a coward when it came to certain matters, and battles of the heart were one of them. Marco was his best friend, and he really didn't want to screw things up.

The next week, Jean distanced himself from his friend to see how he'd react, or if Marco needed him as much as he did. During meals, Jean would eat with the lower-ranked trainees rather than Marco and the rest of the group, and he focused more on training than socializing with him.

Well, he tried to focus, but his thoughts were muddled.

Marco didn't seem too upset about Jean's absence, always wishing him to have a good day with smiles and sunlight on his face. Jean didn't know what to think. Was this just Marco being good old, naive Marco, or did he really not care to be in Jean's company to begin with?

The cadets were due for a fifteen minute break, and Jean noticed Nephele sitting on her fallen, rotted log, watching her peers as they walked around on two legs and sliced through the air with longing and envy. No matter how pained and saddened she looked to not be able to join them, she seldom tore her gaze away. She was observing.

Polishing off his steel with a cloth, Jean made his way to her, freshly fallen leaves crunching beneath his boots. The forest seemed more open now, without all the foliage, but somehow much darker. The branches beneath their once verdant adornments were twisted and sinister, reaching towards the cadets as they swung by with wooden fingers.

"How's it going," Jean said. What would have been a question sounded more like a statement from how flat his voice was.

"Alright, I guess. The weather is lovely. Autumn's my favorite season because the colors are so vibrant," she said, now staring up at the reds, yellows, and oranges above.

"I hate it. Too cold, too dead. I prefer summer." He wrapped his arms around himself, staring up with her as he unscrewed his flask of water.

"Summer is fleeting. In autumn, when the leaves start to die, they show their true colors. People are a lot like that."

Jean nodded and didn't say anything.

"What's with you and freckle face?" she asked.

Shrugging nonchalantly, Jean said, "I dunno. Why do you ask?"

She sighed and tilted her head back, her hands placed on the mossy oak on either side of her. "Geesh, you're the most straightforward guy I know, but when it comes to love you dodge your own feelings. Don't you remember what I said to you the other day?"

Of course he remembered. At first her words hurt him, but then he realized that it was just because of the truth in them. He used to be head over heels for Nephele, but now it was different. It was like she and Marco switched roles.

"Yeah, but it's _Marco. _He's so trusting and ignorant and I don't know how to…" Shaking his head, he pushed back his hair. "I don't know."

"I don't have much experience under my belt when it comes to romance. You're blunt and honest, so just be yourself. That's the trick. You should be a natural when it comes to this kind of stuff."

"So what should I do, then? Say, 'Hey, Marco. We're good mates, right? Well, I want to be more than your mate,'" he scoffed, but Nephele nodded and smiled.

"Yup. Pretty much."

Jean watched as a crimson leaf fell free from its sisters and brothers, and drifted down to the earth to join its fallen ones.

"Who is it?"

"Who's what?" asked Nephele with a bewildered tilt of her red head.

"Who's the one you chose over me?"

Nephele chewed her lip, her wolfish grin replaced with a frown. He could see the name dance on the tip of her tongue, see the confliction in her oceanic eyes. She was going to tell him a secret that she'd been keeping even from herself.

Her gaze went to the cast, lingering there with a sadness that must have broken her heart more severely than Levi had broken her leg.

"It was Levi, wasn't it." Again, a statement rather than a question. He remembered seeing them training together, the way Levi stared at her like she was some wounded animal ripe for the killing, the way she gazed at him with admiration and longing. They'd dance like lovers rather than teacher and trainee, like they weren't holding swords in their hands and pointing them at each other's throats.

"I didn't get to choose," she murmured to the trees.

It occurred to him then, the truth of that day. "He broke your leg, didn't he." Once again, a statement. She didn't say anything, still not betraying Levi but not exactly protecting him either. "I'll break his fucking face," Jean promised, his hands now fists as he stared at her.

Nephele scoffed, something between a sob and a laugh, shaking her head. "You can try."

"We should tell someone! That bastard needs to go to prison or something. That's assault!" he insisted, his face red. She shushed him to keep his voice down. Other cadets looked over at them to see what made Jean raise his voice.

"Please, Jean. I just want to heal." When he looked at her, he noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes that she tried to conceal with her mixture of clay and powder. His hands relaxed.

"Do you love him?" This time it was a question.

"No. But I could have, and that's the shitty part."

* * *

For the past two years, Jean and Marco had shared the same bunk. Marco's bed was above Jean's, and when the freckled boy climbed up the ladder to sleep for the night, Jean watched his body move, swallowing his words. His lips tingled like pins and needles.

"Night, Jean!" Marco wished him from up above, the wooden bunk creaking as he made himself comfortable.

"Yeah, night."

Jean couldn't sleep. He laid in bed, staring at the bunk above his, where Marco was snoring lightly. The slumbering choir of cadets sung a chorus of snores, adding their voices to Marco's. It'd been an hour since Jean had settled in for the night, but his thoughts kept him awake. Marco stirred.

"Mmn," he murmured, rolling over on his mattress above Jean, who whispered anxiously, "Are you awake?"

"Jean?"

The moment was nigh. Jean's hands were slick with sweat, and he wiped them on his cotton trousers as they trembled. He'd thought of all sorts of ways to go about this: flowers, some stupid poem about his feelings, and he had the notion to just push him against the nearest flat surface and kiss those kind, thick lips of his, but that seemed a bit too forward. He should probably wait for "the right moment," but Jean didn't think it mattered when, where, or how he confessed his feelings.

Jean decided he'd just settle on the truth. It's what he did best.

Pushing the covers off of himself, Jean swung his legs off the bed, his socks muffling his feet as they touched the floor. He ran his fingers through his hair, tousling it, before starting up the ladder. When his head cleared the top bunk, he looked at Marco to see if he was awake, and felt the blood rush to his cheeks when he saw his friend, rubbing his sleepy eyes with the back of his hand and leaning up on one arm. His hair was mussed from the pillow, his cheeks speckled with the short whiskers.

"What is it?" he mumbled, blinking at Jean as his eyes started to adjust.

"Well, I…" Jean stayed there, halfway up the ladder, as he struggled for words. If things went badly, maybe Marco would just forget about this late-night chat, or think that it was just some dream. "I wanted to talk to you about something, if that's alright."

"Sure thing." Marco, as selfless as ever, pushed sleep aside to talk to his friend. He gave him a sideways smile and sat up, giving Jean space to join him on his bed. He sat cross-legged with the blanket over his lap, and motioned for Jean to sit beside him. Anxiously, Jean did so.

Jean had never declared his love for another before. Was this love? Mikasa and Nephele felt different, and he hadn't directly told them of his sentiments either. He wouldn't know the depth of his emotions until he explored his own heart, so Jean opened his mouth to explain himself.

"I haven't realized until now," he began, before shaking his head and trying to rephrase himself with, "Well, I might have felt this way before but not realized it , I'm not sure, I guess I've always thought of you as a friend, but maybe I don't want to be friends-"

"What are you trying to say?" asked Marco, worried and confused. "You don't want to be friends?"

"No! I mean yes," Jean blurted, words stumbling on his tongue. '_Damn it, I'm such an idiot!' _

"Did I do something wrong?" Marco questioned, worried that he'd unintentionally offended him.

Jean held his hands out in front of him, looking around the dark barracks to see if their conversation had awoken anyone. So far so good, it seemed, as not a man stirred.

"You didn't do anything," he assured, trying to relax both Marco and himself. Taking a deep breath like it may be his last, Jean slowly said, "I like you," and then - after a bit of thought - explained with, "More than a friend."

Marco's eyes slowly widened at this revelation, his drowsiness fading from them and catching alight with understanding like the sun rising at dawn. "Oh," he murmured, at a loss for words.

Fearing the worst, Jean's heart dropped in his chest, his red face now pale. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. You can just forget we even had this conversation if you want," he said, eerily calm and apologetic as he moved to head back to his own bed.

Marco's hand around his upper arm stopped him. His hand alone seemed far warmer than Jean's entire body, maybe even his heart, but Marco started to warm even that as well with just his touch.

"Wait."

And so he did, with bated breath, waiting for Marco to tell him that his feelings were reciprocated. He knew before Marco even said anything just by looking at his face, seeing him smiling demurely, brows drawn together, feeling his fingers brush against his skin with familiarity. Girls were pretty and all, but Marco was enigmatically beautiful.

"I like you, too."

Jean was going to fall in love with him one day.


	13. Chapter 12: Pine

**[AN] **happy halloweenie! tonight I'm going to a friend's party as Eren Jaeger. Jägerbombbbbb.

thank you to all who have followed, favorited, and reviewed! I'd also like to thank KiraKiraBluemoon for their consistent reviews, along with first time reviewers mun3litknight and nevvy.

to reviewer nevvy: thank you so much for pointing that out! gosh, I feel like such an idiot. it'd be a bit of a pain to go back and rewrite that scene, so I hope you don't mind if I just leave it as is.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Pine**

If the blade had been aimed at Levi, he would have been able to block it, but Nephele was much smarter than that. He taught her better. Instead, she'd hurled it at his horse, and Levi realized that she was the kind of girl who'd disregard her morals and principles if her safety was at risk. The sword made impact, lodging itself in the beast's eye, and Levi had to jump out of his saddle as it bucked and reared - screaming and half-blind.

Levi had almost forgotten that she'd thrown both of her swords, and arched his body back into a bridge of bone and flesh just as the sharpened plate of metal windmilled towards his throat. It sheared off a quarter of an inch of hair and almost grazed the tip of his nose. By the time he righted himself, Nephele was upon him, and the blade had buried itself in his horse's belly. His spare screamed in terror trying to wrench its reins free from its dead companion, nostrils flared as its powerful hooves pawed at the earth.

"You should work on your aim," Levi remarked while blocking her first strike with the edge of his sword. There was killing intent behind each of her thrusts, and Levi also realized something else about her; she was built to kill people more efficiently than titans.

"I hit my marks," she assured, staying on the offensive, like she was testing her skill against his. Then again, every fight is a test of one's mettle.

"You're quite ruthless. Is your vegetarianism just some made-up personality trait to deceive others into thinking you're compassionate and kind?" he asked, sparing himself a quick glance at the dying horse as it stumbled into its grave, bleeding from the face and stomach. Nephele had untied the sack she had the dog tucked into and left it on the ground before she charged at him. Levi searched for the wriggling bundle, knowing that he could use it as leverage against her.

"No. I just don't support meaningless death. I can survive without meat, and still be strong." Her attacks were fast and frequent and required most of Levi's attention to block. He could end this quickly. He _should _end this quickly. People are dying. "After all, what do bulls eat?"

"Shit," Levi answered, deciding that this farce had gone on long enough. Their blades collided, and for a moment their faces were so close that if they were to suddenly drop their swords and lean forward, their lips would touch.

Without letting her respond, Levi stopped her flurry of steel with two deft whacks of the dull edges of his swords. The force dislocated her wrists and made Nephele drop her weapons, and before she could relocate the bones, Levi was behind her, pinning her arms to her back with little regard for her injuries. She could feel his abdomen pressed against her back, his breath on her neck, his fingers on the small strip of skin where her shirt had become untucked.

"You're disgusting. I should kill you. Your comrades are dying, and I should be saving them right now," he spat, keeping a firm grip on her even as she writhed in his arms like a worm.

"Then shut the fuck up for once and keep your fucking opinions to yourself and do your fucking job already!" shouted Nephele, craning her neck to stare at him with unfettered sadness in her expression. He avoided her gaze and shoved her towards the horse, his eyes on the horizon, towards Trost. He was always looking forward, never back. The only thing Nephele had to look forward to was her death.

Once Nephele was hoisted up onto the beast, Levi put a foot in the stirrup to join her. She shook her head hysterically, tears in her eyes, her jaw clenched.

"Please…"

Rolling his eyes and making that trademark 'tch' on the tip of his tongue, Levi put his foot back down and walked away. He knelt down in the dirt and picked up the bundle of fur, making a disgusting face as he stared at the squirming, yipping creature. By the time he reached Nephele, she was laughing.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked, his voice low. One moment she was calm as the hours before a storm, the next she was as angry as one, and then she was as bright as the sun after a hurricane, her cheeks wet with rain.

"You're a cat person, aren't you?" she murmured, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand as Levi climbed atop the horse behind her, giving her the honors of holding the Poppy in her lap. His hands found the reins, almost wrapping around her, his chest pressed against her back. But Nephele didn't think about any of that.

She no longer was worthy enough to have feelings for Levi.

"Yeah," was all he said, before digging his heels into the horse's sides to urge it forward, north towards the gray line that is Wall Rose, stretched endlessly before them.

The Wall was their only horizon.

* * *

"_You're disgusting."_

It was the greatest insult Levi could ever bestow on someone, and it was true. If the prison walls had any mirrors, Nephele wouldn't even look in them for once. Instead, she caught her reflection in the tin trays that the guards piled her starchy meals onto. She hadn't eaten more than a loaf of bread since arriving in the dungeon -blindfolded and in chains- because she couldn't stand the sight of herself, nor could she even stomach the idea of putting something into her mouth. She thought of the titans' stomachs, making even the idea of food in her own stomach repulsive.

Nephele wasn't blindfolded or in chains anymore, but she was trapped in a cage like some kind of dangerous animal. On the other hand, her next-cell neighbor was shackled, and the rattling of his iron chains echoed off the empty stone walls every time he moved.

"You're a coward," Eren spit for the tenth time that day. His voice rattled and echoed more than his chains. They weren't keeping him hydrated. At least Nephele didn't get that sort of treatment. Sure, she was looked at with scorn, but at least they didn't fear and despise her like they did Eren.

"Yes," she agreed coolly as she stared up at the ceiling, searching for pictures in the rock. It was difficult to believe that the titan she saw emerging from the one that was about to devour her back in Trost turned out to be Eren. "And you're a monster." Her comment must have struck a nerve, for Eren who was always so quick to deliver a comeback, had nothing to say.

Their cells were separated by a wall of stone and mortar, were four by four meters wide, and shut off from the rest of the world by iron bars. It was damp and the only light came from a few torches on the outside of their cells, which gave Nephele reason to believe that they were in some basement. It smelled like earth. There was a steady trickle of water coming from somewhere, and its constant _drip, drip _threatened to drive her insane. The only furniture in her cell was a small cot, and the sheets were more thin than the ones back at the trainees. She found herself missing the daily routine, her fellow cadets and the simplicity of things. Now, the days coalesced and were indistinguishable from each other, and she never even knew what time it was.

With nothing to do to pass the time besides think, Nephele conjured up all sorts of ways she'd meet her end. Perhaps they'd give her a fatal dose of hemlock. She remembered reading about the plant in her herbal book, which a Greek philosopher by the name of Socrates was forced to take after being imprisoned for impiety. Maybe they'd hang her in the town square for children to watch as she dangled by the neck from a noose, or feed her to titans, or maybe they'd just empty their guns into her skull.

The only change in Nephele's environment that she had to look forward to was the sound of what she assumed to be the dungeon's door as it opened. It was usually when the guards were switching shifts, or when someone came to bring her and Eren their meals, but she always hoped that it was an officer of the Military Police come to take her life. They'd sowed the seed of despair within her, had toiled it for what felt like months, and she was in constant wait for them to reap the harvest.

After a while, Nephele could predict when the door would open. She was familiar with the guard's shifts and knew when her meals would arrive -though she still never ate them- so when the sound of rusted hinges squeaking in protest as the door opened reached her ears, the red-haired prisoner speculated that it was them. They finally came to kill her.

She'd rather die than spend another second in that cell anyways. Hadn't she been trapped behind walls her whole life anyway?

But she knew those footsteps coming down the wooden staircase. She'd danced with them many nights ago. The other pair she couldn't recognize by ear, but she had a pretty good guess of who they belonged to as well.

Nephele laid down on the thin mattress and pulled the sheets over her head.

"_You're disgusting."_

* * *

"The prosecution calls Nephele Ambrosia to the stands."

Nephele heard a voice echoing somewhere up above. Maybe it was the man they call God, come to deliver her sentence. She wished that someone had told her that she'd be expecting such illustrious company so that she could have at least gone to the effort of fixing her tangled mess of hair.

There were a pair of doors at the end of the hallway she was being ushered down, a guard flanking her on both sides as she trudged along adorned in chains, and when the doors opened, Nephele glanced up to find that the only thing above her was an ornate ceiling, and the man to deliver her sentence was just that: a man. Darius Zackly sat behind the judge's bench, running his hands over his gray beard as he scrutinized the stack of papers in his hands. The woman saw Eren Jaeger chained to a metal post in the center of the courtroom, but her eyes wandered to the graphic mosaic on the ceiling that depicted men killing fellow man. She remembered hearing somewhere that before humanity fought against the titans, their mortal enemies were eachother.

These must be simpler times.

Nephele was led to the witness stand, which sat below the judge's bench and overlooked most of the courtroom. She passed Eren Jaeger on her way there, and saw Armin and Mikasa amongst a crowd of people to her left, refusing to meet their gazes, and tried not to look for Levi. Several days prior, she couldn't have helped but overhear the conversation between Eren, Erwin, and Levi as they discussed his fate. Luckily, they had passed her cell without acknowledging her.

"Nephele Ambrosia. You were a member of the hundred-and-fourth trainee squad that was involved in the defense for Trost, correct?" asked a man of the Military Police, who stood to her left amongst others of his faction.

"That is correct," she said, at first not recognizing her own voice as it resonated off the walls of the spacious courtroom. The voice sounded monotonous and devoid of any emotion.

"And is it true that you were witness to Eren Jaeger's titan transformation?" he asked. Nephele knew that there would be more difficult questions to come, and she braced herself for each one. She didn't want Eren to die, even if he didn't share the same sentiment for her own welfare. No matter what they asked, she'd twist the truth to make him seem like less of the uncontrollable monster that she had fled from.

"It is."

"Can you describe the events leading up to, during, and following Jaeger's transformation for the courtroom?" Of fucking course she could. It's not like the girl suffered from amnesia or anything.

The barrier in Nephele's head that she had laboriously constructed to guard herself from the memories of that day started to crack. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and forced herself to take it apart, brick by fucking brick, and tried not to fall to her knees in tears as she relived Astrid getting swallowed by a titan, and heard Milivoj Hejda's bones crunch within the fist of a ten meter class, and watched Gotthilf Eisner as his limbs were torn off of his body, and listened to Moira El-Hashem's shrieks of terror as she watched Olevia Moore getting her head chomped off before meeting her own gruesome end. She spared them the gorey details.

"After my squad was decimated by a group of…" Nephele's voice trailed off as she tried to recall the exact number. "... I'd estimate nearly fifteen titans, I myself was about to be eaten by a titan when I saw a large hand reach out of its mouth. The titan about to kill me seemed like it would explode from the inside out, like something was rapidly growing inside of it. It happened rather quickly. The titan collapsed in front of me, and from its body emerged a massive titan. I watched as it deliberately stepped on the other titan's neck, crushing its nape, and I was too frozen with fear to move. Luckily, the titan didn't even seem to notice me, and instead recognized its prey as another titan, and charged after it, shouting in anger. After that, I fled."

A chorus of murmurs filled the room as people talked amongst themselves, and Nephele tried not to listen to them.

"If Jaeger posed no threat to you, then why did you run?" inquired the officer as he dug for information to use against Eren.

Nephele scoffed and shook her head as she shifted her weight onto one leg. With arms crossed over her chest, she said, "After seeing that, anyone would run. My fight or flight instincts kicked in, and after all the horrors I had witnessed, I wasn't prepared to handle something like that."

"From your perspective, do you believe Eren Jaeger poses a threat to the wellbeing of mankind?"

Only then did Nephele allow herself to look at Eren, as he knelt in chains like a dangerous criminal. If only they knew Eren. There was nothing that kid despised more than the titans, and he sure as hell wasn't one of them. When he looked at her, he didn't offer forgiveness for her desertion. Instead, she saw a chance to redeem herself. She may die, but the Military Police wouldn't take him, too. The way she saw it, Eren was a priceless asset for humankind, and Nephele was going to pay her debt to the human race by protecting him.

"Do you think those chains could hold him should he decide to shift? Eren could kill us all, crush us beneath a single foot, and yet here he kneels, shackled and obeying the court system when he could easily bring this building to the ground. The only threat this kid poses is if you decide to rob humanity of its only hope: Eren Jaeger."

_One hour later…_

It was Nephele's turn. They made her kneel, and that was the worst part. Strong, careless hands forced her to the floor where Eren had knelt just a few minutes ago, and then the same metal pillar that held Jaeger in place now held her hostage. Nephele bowed her head -her arms painfully stretched behind her and holding her upright- but not in fealty. She was just tired.

"Nephele Ambrosia, graduate of the one-hundred-and-fourth trainees squad," announced Darius Zackly as he pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "You stand before the court accused of treason. Do you understand the charges made against you?" he inquired, his voice even more powerful that Shadis' was back in training without being quite as aggressive.

"I do," she agreed, not only to the entire courtroom but to herself as well. The high ceiling, empty walls, and the way voices bounced off of them made spoken words seem permanent.

"Then you must know that you are facing death by a firing squad should you be found guilty?"

If only they'd have chosen a much cleaner method of extermination for her. She wouldn't look so pretty covered in holes. Would they hold a funeral service for her, or just toss her mangled body on top of some mass pyre?

"I plead guilty. That is my final gift to humanity. Now, the lot of you won't have to suffer through another trial today," she murmured, lifting her head to sweep her gaze across the room. She saw the faces of people she cared about in the crowd, but several of them wouldn't even spare her a parting glance. Her heart felt heavy, and she wished someone would just put a bullet in it already. "You're welcome."

Nephele's candid words were met with incoherent muttering from the crowd, which Zackly silenced with several hard raps of his almighty gavel.

"Order," he commanded, and so obeyed those who disturbed it.

"The defendant has spoken," came the same voice that interrogated her during Eren's trial. The Military Police should rename themselves as the Prosecution instead.

Nephele's fate was settled, like dust on a windowsill waiting to be cleaned up, brushed under the rug.

"Are there any objections?" asked Zackly morosely, making it evident that the question was only a formality. Surely no one would object to the death of one insignificant trainee, when they'd all rather return to their comfortable homes to wait for the titans to come knocking on their front doors instead.

But Nephele did not want to die.

"I do."

It was the last person Nephele expected to speak up on her behalf. Her head snapped up to look over at Levi, who stood with his arms crossed over his chest defiantly as he stared back at her. For the first time in a year, their eyes met from across the room. Though his gaze was far from gentle, it wasn't entirely cold either. It was neutral; it was a chance to redeem herself. If she didn't know any better, she would have sworn to have seen the faintest of smiles dash across his face.

"On what grounds?" barked Nile Dok, chief of the Military Police who had spoken in favor of Eren being dissected. It seemed that Levi had an uncanny way of getting under the Military Police's skin.

"I have committed crimes far more worthy of the death sentence, and yet here I stand," Levi contested. "I live because I am strong, and all you cowards need me." Nephele didn't know whether to feel elated or ashamed that Levi was defending her. She was a coward, too, of the same creed as the ones Levi detested so much. "You, who cower comfortably behind these walls, who would send a woman to her death for the same crime any of you would have committed were you in her shoes."

He called her a woman.

Erwin raised his hand for permission to speak, and lowered it to say, "The Survey Corps has another proposition." His voice commanded in a different manner from Darius Zackly's. Rather than demand people's obedience, Erwin called for their attention. Was this 'proposition' of theirs preordained? Why were they defending her? They achieved one victory in Jaeger, but asking for Nephele's life to be spared as well was pushing it.

"What do you propose, Commander Smith?" asked Zackly, unamused by the turn of events as he pinched the bridge of his nose between thumb and forefinger.

"First, I'd like to remind everyone that Commander Pixis had offered pardons for those who wished to abandon the operation during the siege on Trost," said the Commander.

Turning his attention to Dot Pixis, who was unabashedly taking a long draught of whatever liquid his flask contained, Zackly asked, "Is this true, Commander Pixis?"

Cheeks flushed and eyes half-lidded, Pixis raised his flask as if to toast, and stated, "That's true. Given that many of the soldiers charged with defending Trost had graduated so recently and didn't have combat experience, and because of the grim circumstance humanity had found itself in, I gave immunity to those who lost their fighting spirit. A man who's lost heart is already a dead one."

"I see," murmured Zackly, running a hand over his whiskers as he deliberated. "Then what do you suggest we do with her, Commander Smith?"

"The Survey Corps offers to take Nephele Ambrosia into our ranks. Our numbers are constantly dwindling, and it'd be unwise to waste Ambrosia's talen," said Erwin, his posture straight and formal with both hands clasped behind him and shoulders pushed back. He was truly living up to be the gallant knight that Nephele pictured him as a child.

At that suggestion, Nile scoffed and shook his head, smiling confidently. "And what makes you think that'd be a reasonable decision? Do you expect a traitorous, craven little girl to fight against titans out in the open when she couldn't even face them behind the safety of a wall?"

It was Levi who attested for Nephele. With his arms crossed casually and his weight resting on one leg, Levi carried himself much differently from Erwin, yet it was Levi whom Nephele felt that she was saved by. He wasn't a knight or a hero. He was just a soldier.

"Look at her. She doesn't fear death anymore."

Every pair of eyes in the room locked on Nephele, but the only ones that mattered were Levi's. Sighing, Darius Zackly waved his hand dismissively, as if he could whisk them all away with just a simple gesture. Nephele couldn't believe what was happening.

"Then it's settled. Nephele Ambrosia, you will be placed on probation in the custody of Erwin Smith." The pounding of his gavel signified that the case was closed. Darius Zackly smiled down at Nephele, who was in such a state of shock that her expression was unchanging. It didn't look like she was surprised in the slightest. "Congratulations, Ambrosia. You're a member of the Scouts now."

It's strange, how volatile human life is.


	14. Chapter 13: Gladiolus

**[AN] **as always, thank you to all who have favorite, followed, and reviewed thus far. in particular, I'd like to thank mun3litknight, nevvy, KiraKiraBluemoon, and the Guest reviewer. though I doubt (based on your review) that you will read this far to see my response, I'd like to defend Nephele.

I haven't seen my female OC's that are well... feminine, regardless of the fandom they are written into. I understand that wearing heels during combat may seem foolish or unrealistic or whatever other reason you have for thinking that such a trait makes her a Mary Sue, but based on personal experience I can attest to the fact that wearing heels can give certain people unbelievable balance. I can walk in a straight line with my fucking eyes closed when I'm wearing heels, which is extremely rare. When creating this character, it did occur to me that wearing heels would be an inconvenience on certain terrain, and in such cases Nephele will either go barefooted or - if she absolutely must - wear the military issued combat boots. There's plenty of anime, comics, and shows where heroines don heels, anyways.

anywho, I'd also like to wish everyone a happy and safe holiday, incase I don't post again before the new year.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Gladiolus**

As soon as Nephele was beneath the sky once again, unfettered and free, she tilted her head back and inhaled the sweet scent of clean air, her gaze fixed on the wispy clouds. The world was as lovely as ever, warm and whispering gentle breezes to kiss her skin. The guards charged with escorting her saluted, and Nephele had to pull her head out of the clouds to notice that Commander Erwin was now standing in front of her, a green cloak draped neatly over his arm.

"Thank you, soldiers. I can take her from here," Erwin said to the guards flanking her, who shouted "Yes, sir!" in perfect unison before turning on their heels to return to the military's Court House.

Nephele spared a passing glance at the structure behind her, where only minutes ago she had been facing certain death. It was guarded by two marble angels atop ornate pillars, one's hand clutching a sword while the other's opposite hand did the same. Their other hands were reaching towards a sky only attainable to their kind, but these angels were petrified and sentenced to endure the immortality of their stone prisons in a mortal world, separated from the heavens they gazed at with longing. Stained glass windows reflected light in all sorts of hues, making translucent gemstones that littered the walls and ground around them.

"I see you're enjoying your freedom," he noted. He had such a clear, undulating voice and a welcoming smile that it was hard to not smile back. Behind him, carriages and people on horseback trotted by on the cobblestone road, a luxury only those living behind Wall Sina could afford. Nephele had been to Shiganshina before the fall of Wall Maria, but even the biggest town around didn't have buildings adorned in marble, and men and women dressed in silk and satin were not commonplace. There weren't even any chickens roosting in the city's nooks and crannies, or dogs weaving between people's legs to chase them.

"Do you know what happened to my dog?" she asked suddenly, unwilling to waste any time on small-talk while the fate of Poppy remained unknown. Nephele had asked one of the guards where she was while detained, but their only reply was a condescending scoff and a shake of the head.

The question seemed to have caught the Commander off guard, for those thick eyebrows of his quirked up in response. He chuckled and nodded reassuringly. "There's no need to worry. I've had someone take care of her for you until we could figure out a way to drop your charges."

Nephele's mood instantly brightened even more, and she smiled in earnest, her eyes wide as she brought her hands to her chest. "That's wonderful. Thank you, Commander Smith. I owe you my life. Everything. But why have you gone to such lengths for me?" She suddenly remembered all the times Levi had pardoned her as well. What were their intentions? Perhaps she'd gotten herself in an even bigger mess than the one the Survey Corps had cleaned up for her.

"Luckily for you, Commander Pixis had pardoned anyone who wished to abandon the operation to plug in the hole in Wall Rose. Though you weren't present for the announcement, he said that the pardon still applied to you," said the Commander, dodging her question rather skillfully. Nephele wasn't going to pry, but she wouldn't let herself look like an ignorant fool either.

"Spare me your excuses, Commander. I'll figure it out sooner or later."

Expression unbetraying of the secrets Erwin held, he nodded and held out the cloak he was carrying. "As you wish. Rest assured that our intentions weren't to simply kill you in a more gruesome yet practical manner by enlisting you. Here. This belongs to you now."

Cautiously, as if accepting a fragile, priceless piece of cargo, Nephele held out her hands to take the cloak from him. She saw the emblem of the Scouts stitched into the fabric, an emblem that was sewn into the hearts of everyone who had the honor and misfortune to wear it. Maybe it was shallow, but she wondered if she'd look good in emerald green. Instead of donning the garb, she took the bundle into her arms and held it against her chest. It didn't feel right to put it on just yet.

"Come with me. Since you and Jäger have been inducted into the Scouts before the majority of your peers, and due to Jäger's," the man paused, searching for an appropriate word, "_unique _circumstances, you'll be joining us on our trip to our new headquarters." With a wave of his hand, Erwin urged her to follow him as he started down the cobblestone street, the steel toes of his combat boots tapping rhythmically as if he were marching to the beat of a war drum. Nephele stepped forward a few paces to follow, but didn't tell her body to stand still when it inexplicably did. Her mouth opened to speak without her thinking, too.

"It's true. You always get what you want, Commander."

Erwin inclined his head and noticed that she had come to a halt behind him. An elbow nudged against Nephele's shoulder in passing, but she kept herself grounded. Not long ago, the young woman would have swayed with the current of the crowd, but now she remained steadfast even in trivial matters like this.

"Not quite. If I could always get what I want, the Survey Corps -the Walls, all of this- would no longer exist."

"You're quite the masochist," Nephele said, not for the first time noticing the dark circles beneath his eyes, or how tense his jaw was all the time. She wondered what kind of person Erwin Smith was behind his slowly-rusting, iron mask.

"Just because a man has to saw off his own arm in the midst of danger doesn't mean he enjoys it," Erwin replied, turning on the heel of his polished boot and heading back in the direction he started in.

Nephele considered running. His back was turned, and civilians cluttered the streets like rats dressed in satin. The stench of them all was masked with perfume and stung her nose, and they hid their yellowed teeth behind painted smiles as they giggled at all the appropriate times. It didn't seem like it'd be hard for her to slip through the cracks in the crowds, and perhaps getting chased by the mighty Commander Erwin would be rather thrilling.

But it wasn't for fear of execution or Erwin Smith that Nephele followed. Fate had answered the question she had never thought to ask before; _'Am I walking the right path?' _Evidently, the answer was no. It was time Nephele walked a new one. The Scout's had already plowed the road with thousands of foot steps, and it was her turn to navigate it.

They went on in silence, and after several minutes of brisk walking from Nephele having to match one of Erwin's long strides with two of her own, they had reached the outskirts of the city. The cobblestone road stopped somewhere between the commercial district and the residential, when sprawling manses became smaller ones, and houses humble and more spread apart. There, the pavement ended and dirt paths branched off and veered in different directions, and in the distance were fields of gold and emerald and people tending to them. The sun was just starting to set behind the distant horizon, so the farmers were finishing their day's work in the dying light. It was much less crowded in the fields than in the city, and the air smelled cleaner, too.

Down the winding dirt path they were on, Nephele could see a stable. The thick stench of horse flesh and sawdust pervaded the air as they came close enough to the area to hear the wickers of equines and clamor of people at work.

"This ranch supplies the Survey Corps with most of our horses," Erwin explained as he searched through his pockets for a pad of paper and pencil. He inscribed something down on the parchment, but Nephele was too short to see what he was writing.

As they approached the stables, the dirt beneath her heels became softer until they started to sink into the earth. She rolled her weight onto the balls of her feet to keep her heels from sinking too much. There was another member of the Survey Corps waiting for them, a small woman with ginger hair and amber eyes. She was sitting on a wooden bench near the stables, her head bowed and ankles crossed as she cooed dotingly at the bundle she held in her arms. When she noticed the pair approaching, her amber eyes first found Commander Erwin, and she smiled at him.

"Afternoon, Ral," acknowledged Erwin.

"I'd salute, Commander, but my hands aren't free," she said before standing. The bundle squirmed, and Nephele rushed forward just as Poppy stuck her furry head out of the blanket, whimpering. Without waiting for anyone's permission, she pulled the dog into her arms and held her against her chest. She laughed like it was her first time doing so as the mutt licked and nipped at her face, trying to unravel herself from the blanket she was wrapped up in.

"She missed you a lot. She's been whining constantly the past week, and she tried wriggling out of my arms when she smelled you," said the woman, who reached out a hand to scratch behind Poppy's ears.

Turning to face her, Nephele inclined her head with respect. "Thank you for taking care of her in my absence. I'm Nephele Ambrosia."

Waving her hand, the woman laughed, somewhat abashed. "No worries. I love dogs. My name's Petra Ral. We'll be traveling together for the next week. Have you ever ridden a horse before training?"

Nodding, Nephele wrestled with the beast, struggling to hold it still. "Yeah, I owned two horses back home."

"Good. Let's go get you some tackle so we can start moving. We'll stop at an inn somewhere by nightfall," said Petra, motioning for her to follow. With a cautious glance over her shoulder at Erwin, she searched for his approval. Though she no longer wore chains, she didn't feel free just yet. She hadn't earned her wings.

Erwin gave her a nod of assent before saying, "I'll leave her in your care, Ral. Captain Levi and Jäger should be with us shortly."

Nephele had forgotten about that part. Her and Levi were in the same faction now.

* * *

It had been quite some time since Nephele had looked in the mirror, and when she stared back at her reflection she didn't recognize herself. It wasn't her hair that made her look much different, even though it was a tangled mess and hung in loose waves past her breasts, or her hollow face, or her dim blue-gray eyes, but the green cloak draped over her shoulders. The piece of fabric seemed much heavier than it truly was. She pulled the hood of her cloak down and ran her fingers through her dry hair, turning her face to the side. For some inexplicable reason, she suddenly thought that she bore no resemblance to her parents.

"Coward," she murmured to the stranger whose sullen eyes never left her own. The fire in her hair was just an ember now, and her eyes no longer reflected the sky, but the green of her cloak seemed more familiar. This was where she belonged. This room, nestled away in the Survey Corps new headquarters, was the only home she'd had in half a decade. Her old bedroom back in her home town was humbly furnished, and flowers were her decor. Now, there was no decor, no paintings of her parents on the dresser or pretty dresses folded neatly in the drawers. Instead of lace and chiffon, Nephele now garbed herself in leather and cotton. At least she had her own room now, and no longer had to share a bunk with someone like she had back in the Trainees. Her window overlooked a courtyard, where once upon a time flowers had grown in abundance, and fruit trees bared peaches and plums. Their withered carcasses were rotting and their branches were barren. Every thing was cold and dead here, and clean thanks to Levi's orders.

A sudden rapping on her door brought Nephele back to her senses. She tore her gaze from the woman in front of her and called out to the person on the other side of her door.

"I'm decent," she said, and wasn't surprised to find the Commander standing in the doorway. Levi wouldn't have knocked.

"I've come to see how well you've settled in," said Erwin, his stoic face unreadable as he stepped further into the room. He was one of the few people as of late not to look at her with scorn. Despite the protests of even his closest confidants, Erwin defended his decision in taking her into the Survey Corps.

Turning to him, Nephele drew her cloak closer to her chest. "Thank you, though I doubt that's the only reason you've come to see me," she murmured. Even though he was Commander, Nephele wasted no formalities on the man. She wasn't rude, but she wasn't obsequious either.

"No. I came to give you this." The Commander stepped over to her, his long legs crossing the distance between them in a few strides. He reached into his pocket, and Nephele could see a black leather cord clutched in his fist. She held out her hand, and he placed her mother's necklace in her palm. The metal was cold, and her fingers closed around it to give it warmth again.

"Thank you," she whispered, staring at the flower of life. When she was taken into custody, her necklace was confiscated. It was the only possession Nephele had left, and she brought her hand to her chest.

Erwin didn't waste any formalities on her either. He just gave a firm nod and changed the subject, hands clasped behind his back. "We'll be leaving a few days after the new recruits arrive for another expedition into titan territory. I'd like you to join us tonight to discuss our strategy," he explained, his tone even and polite.

The Commander's invitation caught her off guard, but Nephele didn't show her confusion. Given the mess she had gotten herself into and caused for Erwin and the rest of the Survey Corps, she was in no position to turn down his invitation. Still, she couldn't believe that the rest of his squad would be thrilled with her presence, particularly Levi, nor could she help but wonder what Erwin's intentions were to involve her in their plan.

"With all due respect, Commander, I don't think I'm," she paused, chewing on her lip. "I don't think I'm worthy of being involved in such a decision."

Much to her surprise, the Commander smiled down at her, though not down on her. She knew the difference. Erwin was much taller than Levi, and he towered over Nephele, but he was never condescending. It made her happy to be under the command of someone she respected. If she had joined the Military Police as she had originally planned, she might not have felt so inclined to feel such respect towards her superiors. Erwin Smith saw potential within Nephele that most didn't, including herself. If it wasn't for his intervention and faith in her abilities, she wouldn't be alive.

"You're one of us now, Ambrosia. You left behind your past once you put on that cloak," he told her. He was almost as still as stone if not for the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, and his eyes that turned to gaze out the dusty window, seeing something that Nephele couldn't. "Levi of all people should understand your situation."

The mention of Levi was the only thing that brought a semblance of life to Nephele's eyes. She was grateful that the Commander's gaze wasn't on her face to see her sudden change in demeanor, and she struggled to keep her tone as even as his.

"Captain Ackerman isn't like me at all," she said, trying to sound emotionally detached.

"No, but he has made certain decisions in his past that have shaped the man he is today," explained Erwin as he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. By then, Nephele had regained her composure and had neatly stuffed her feelings away in the bottle of emotions that was close to overflowing, trying not to imagine Levi as he was years ago, before she even knew his name.

"I understand. I won't regret my choices."

Erwin chuckled, his smile a bit wider than before, and the way he looked at Nephele made her pulse quicken. It was like he was looking at someone he'd known for years, who he'd rode into countless battles and defiantly faced death with swords drawn. Yes, this was where she belonged. She'd follow this man into the jaws of the Colossal Titan without looking back if he ordered it.

"You're not very different from him," he murmured with a bit of bitter-sweet nostalgia in his voice. Nephele took that as a compliment. She wouldn't regret turning her back on humanity during those few moments of weakness, because if she hadn't she'd be sitting in some office in Sina, plotting fruitless revenge to avenge fading ghosts.

* * *

"These windows still have streaks on them, Ambrosia. Did you purposely neglect to wipe them, or are you just too stupid to see through a window?"

Suppressing a groan, Nephele lugged over the wooden bucket filled with sudsy water and put it on the floor. The contents sloshed and spilled on the hardwood, which Levi told her to mop up once she was finished wiping down the windows.

"Yes, sir."

She remembered that night he caught her sneaking out of the barracks and told her not to use that honorific, yet he didn't object to her usage of it this time. She stuck her hand in the mop bucket and grabbed the rag, wringing it with her hands until her knuckles turned white and not a drop spilled as Levi inspected her work. He 'tsked' and muttered incoherently under his breath, with words like "filthy" and "atrocious" being some of the only ones she could distinguish. With a sigh, Nephele shook her head as if she could shake her thoughts of the man out of her skull, and went back to work. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed how Levi was lingering. He paced back and forth, dusting surfaces that practically sparkled with cleanliness, scrutinizing every nook and cranny in search of some poor dust mite that he could wipe clean from the face of the earth. Of course, she wished that Levi's reasoning for sticking around was romantic, but she knew better than that.

"I'm not gonna run off," she assured while wiping the storage room window from top to bottom, just as he instructed her. However, she couldn't quite reach the very top of the glass even when standing on the tips of her toes. Barefooted and wearing the standard military-issued cotton trousers and button down long-sleeved shirt, she was dressed as modestly as the rest of them.

Footsteps approached, and Nephele braced herself for some kind of physical reprimanding for her impudence, but instead the only torture she received was the grating sound of wood on wood as Levi kicked a stool over to her.

"Stand on that. I won't let you get away with missing a single spot just because you're too short to reach," he instructed, his penetrating eyes now boring into her with an intense abhorrence she didn't know that even Levi was capable of. "And do not, for a single second, think that I have a sliver of respect for you. We might march beneath the same colors, but you're still not one of us." And just like that he walked away, slamming the door behind him. Nephele winced from the sound like she'd been struck, and forlornly returned to her cleaning. If only sins were as easy to clean as windows.

Levi had tasked Nephele with cleaning the entire third floor of their new headquarters, an old, drafty castle covered in generations of dust and home to all sorts of mold and insects. Much of the furniture had begun to rot, and they'd tossed most of it into a pyre for disposal. All that remained were sconces, rickety wooden tables and chairs, and some linens that the moths hadn't gotten to. For the past two days, Levi was having everyone scour every inch of the massive structure, and he'd given Nephele the brunt of the work. She didn't mind so much, because it gave her a respite from the cynical stares of her so-called comrades.

Nephele stepped onto the stool to start wiping down where she couldn't reach when the door creaked upon opening. Expecting it to be Levi returning with a vengeance to scold her, she looked over her shoulder to see Petra standing in the doorway with a broom in her hands, her mouth and nose covered with a cloth.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was cleaning in here," she said from behind the mask, bowing her head tentatively.

"No worries. I've got the whole floor," Nephele replied before continuing. She could still see Petra reflected in the glass, her image translucent. Through it, she could still see the surrounding forest.

"Really? That's not fair. I've finished cleaning my rooms, I just came to see if there was anything else I could help with."

The damp rag squeaked on the glass as Nephele moved her hand up and down, trying not to leave any streaks behind. If she made even the slightest error, Levi would have her redo the entire room. Her arms didn't even ache from keeping them above her head thanks to all of the rigorous training. "I've got the rest of this hallway to do, and then one more. If you're looking for something to occupy yourself with, I'd appreciate the help." Although she was adamant to ask for help, Nephele craved company. Lately, even her old comrades looked at her with the same disdain Levi had and muttered under their breaths things like "traitor" and "coward."

"Sure. There's not much to do in this place other than clean and listen to Hange's crazy theories," jested Petra.

"I'd much rather clean, too," agreed Nephele with a smile that Petra couldn't see. Her and Hange weren't well-acquainted yet, but that was probably because she was too busy pestering her newest test-subject: Eren.

After Nephele finished wiping down the window, she stepped off of the stool and dropped the rag back into its bucket. It made a small splash, reminding Nephele that she had to clean up the puddle of water she'd spilled. Groaning, she knelt down to ring out the dirty rag and wiped up the spill.

"You'll have to return that stool to Levi when you're finished using it," said Petra as she waited for her to finish.

"Huh?" Nephele looked back at the stool. It was a polished, square, walnut wooden stool that gave Nephele an extra foot of height.

"It's Levi's. He always uses it when he cleans since he's so short." Petra laughed.

Nodding slowly, Nephele looped her arm through the bucket's handle and picked up the stool. She carried it over to Petra and changed the subject. "How about I sweep and wipe the windows while you dust and mop?" she suggested.

"Sounds easy enough. I'll clean one side of the hall while you clean the other," she suggested.

"No, that's fine," Nephele blurted, probably a bit too quickly. "How about we just clean the rooms together? It'll go by a lot faster that way." In truth, she just wanted someone to talk to. There was nothing in particular Nephele wanted to discuss, but lately she was feeling even lonelier than she had in that cell. It'd be nice to engage in some small-talk for once. She wanted to talk about books and makeup, about their hometowns and parents and old friends. Already she was going through the dialogue in her head.

"Sure!" agreed Petra, and with a tilt of her pretty head she smiled.

…

"Why did you want to join the Military Police?" asked Petra, before blowing the dust off of an ancient tome. Trying to suppress a sneeze, her nose scrunched up.

Questions like these were commonplace in the military, and Nephele never answered them honestly for obvious reasons. Everything she was striving for dissipated and slipped through her fingers all because she was too much of a coward. Her kingdom in the clouds was hollow, and when she tried to stand on top of them she fell right through. Sometimes it feels like she's still falling.

"I wanted to avenge my mother's death," she answered honestly for the very first time. But what of her father, who probably died between the jaws of a titan? The government she so desperately wanted to topple had nothing to do with that. Biting her lip to keep herself from saying anything else, Nephele scrubbed at the windowsill with more vigor.

"It seems like thats all people think about these days," mused Petra. "Revenge."

After a few moments of silence from both of their behalves, Petra asked, "Were you hoping to catch her killer?"

Pursing her pink-stained lips, Nephele shrugged. "Something like that," she murmured. Petra didn't approach the subject any further. She put the book in her hands back on the shelf, and huffed as she stared at the mountain of volumes she had to sort through.

The words seemed too great to leave Nephele's mouth, and when she tried to swallow them it just made it harder to breathe. Finally, she was able to say, "You're the only person who doesn't seem to hate me."

Petra was taking more books off of the bookcase and dusting them when she stopped to look up at Nephele with surprise. Her brows drawn in, Petra smiled timorously, amber eyes casted to the floor.

"No one hates you," she half-heartedly assured.

"They do, Petra. I'm a traitor, and they all think that when things get messy I'm going to leave them to die." Nephele — feeling overwhelmingly contrite for abandoning her comrades and humanity in the middle of combat, and embarrassed for venting to someone she had only recently met — shook her head to shake away the thoughts.

"Will you?" With her head bowed over her work, Nephele couldn't see the change in Petra's expression, but she heard the tone of her voice lower in pitch.

Turning her head to meet her gaze, Nephele summoned all of her emotional fortitude and said in earnest, "No." Petra returned her lingering stare with a smile much more confident than her previous one. She ran a rag over the cover of a book to wipe off the dust and went back to work.

"Then there's nothing to worry about. You'll have plenty of chances to redeem yourself out on the field."

Nephele didn't find that very reassuring. "Maybe I'll only have one," she murmured sullenly, her hand stopping its rotations on the wooden sill. She'd been scrubbing at it for the past five minutes without really noticing, trying to scrub off all the blood of the squad she helplessly watched get slaughtered.

"Then you better make it count."

With a grim smirk, Nephele knelt to dampen her rag in the bucket and wrung out the excess water with more force than necessary. "Yeah, I guess so."

"You left behind your past once you joined us. The Scouts… we always have to look forward towards the future instead of turning our heads to the past. If you're so worried about what's behind you, then you won't be focused on what's in front of you."

"Thanks, Ral," was all Nephele could come up with, feeling that any response would be put to shame by the girl's uplifting words.

Maybe being in the Survey Corps wasn't going to be too bad, after all.


	15. Chapter 14: Iris

**Chapter 14: Iris**

Ribbons of crimson hair fluttered to the floor like falling feathers before falling apart strand by strand. Nephele had fallen into the methodical '_snip, snip' _rhythm of cutting, staring at her eyes in the mirror instead of her work as she sheared off her locks, and remembering the last time she'd cut her hair by herself.

'_It looks like blood,' _she thought to herself for the thousandth time. Maybe she could dye it blonde like her mother's, or black like her father's. Maybe she'd resemble them a bit more.

Instead of shaving her head, this time Nephele opted for a shoulder-length cut. It was more practical this way. Her hair fell out of the neat bun she'd tied it in during her last battle, and she was lucky not to have gotten it caught in her equipment. She was lucky for a lot of reasons.

With less weight pulling on her hair, Nephele's waves were more springy now. She pulled on a strand and watched it bounce back into place. They weren't perfect spirals, but loose curls that softly framed her round face and made her look even younger. For a moment, she deliberated on whether she should just cut it all off instead.

Levi's Special Operations Squad had been completely decimated yesterday. She wasn't well acquainted with Oluo Bozado, or Eld Jinn, or Gunther Schultz, but she did know Petra. Of all their soldiers, it was the strongest who had fallen.

Nephele brushed off the whiskers of hair that had gotten on her clothes and skin, then outlined her lips with a dusty pink pencil and filled them in with lipstick. Because makeup was a luxury that she could barely afford, Nephele only wore more than a bit of mascara and eyeliner on special occasions. Funerals were one of them.

After she finished grooming herself, Nephele grabbed the broom out of the corner of the room and started sweeping her hair into a dustpan, thinking how distraught her mother would be to see that her daughter had cut off all her hair again.

"Time to put on your sad face, Neph," murmured the young woman to her reflection in the vanity mirror when she was ready to leave. On the chair in front of it was draped her cloak, which she pulled over her shoulders and buttoned. Her fingers traced over the silver fastening as she tried to postpone what was already happening. Tonight, a vigil was being held for the soldiers lost during the 57th expedition. Families and friends from all over the Kingdom would be present. Unfortunately, there were no bodies to burn – just titles given only to the valiant dead.

Nephele pulled on the pale pink heels she had inlaid with iron bamboo and laced them up, sighing contentedly as her vantage point rose an inch. Sure, she could always put on the stupid, ugly military boots like everyone else and pretend like she was one of them, but their gazes would just go right over her head. Wearing heels made her feel more confident. They gave her just an extra inch of height and made her feel a little less small.

Nephele tilted her chin up and went confidently to greet Death.

* * *

Lately, the days were comfortably warm but when the sun sank at night, it left shadows and cold in its wake. The air was chilly that night, and most dressed themselves in layers to protect themselves from the elements. Nephele was warm-blooded and prefered temperatures below fifty degrees, so she was dressed lightly in her standard military attire. The uniform seemed like the most appropriate choice of formal apparel for the occasion.

Even after the fires had died, Nephele could smell their burning flesh. It was the most repulsive thing she'd ever had the displeasure of inhaling, and was now burned into her memory. The sound of their bones cracking in the heat like kindling also wasn't something she would easily forget.

After they had been dismissed, Nephele left for the dining hall. Dinner would be served in a half an hour, and she hadn't eaten yet that day. While the thought of food revolted her, she wasn't about to starve herself.

Unfortunately, Commander Erwin had other plans for her. As she was approaching the castle's front door, she saw him standing there in the light of a torch amongst several other officers. She stopped to salute them when she noticed Erwin lean closer to an older gentleman to whisper something in his ear before turning his attention to her. Excusing himself, Erwin approached her and held out his hand.

"Good evening, Miss Ambrosia. Thank you for joining us tonight," he said to her. Nephele took his gloved hand and gave it a few firm shakes.

"Good evening," she echoed with a polite smile. "There's no need to thank me. It's important to honor those who've died in battle and see them off."

"It is. I have a few loose ends that require my attention, and Levi left before I could give him this letter," he explained, retrieving a sealed envelope from the pocket of his beige trench coat. "Would you mind delivering it to him in my stead?"

Accepting the letter, Nephele glanced at the red wax seal, but was unable to discern whose it was. She surveyed the area and found comrades and civilians huddled together in their social circles, exchanging apologies and condolences. It was a solemn, cold atmosphere. The moon hung low in the sky, looming bright and full like it had grown in size and threatened to drop on top of the earth from some invisible string.

"Of course not," she lied, thinking that once again she had found herself in the wrong place at the wrong time. If someone else had passed him by before her, maybe he would have entrusted the letter unto them, but the honor was bestowed onto her instead.

"Good. You can probably find him in his office."

"Alright, I'll go bring it to him," Nephele agreed, wondering what the letter's contents were. She gave one last salute and waited for Commander Erwin to go about whatever business he needed to attend to before heading inside.

When she stepped through the large oak doors, she brought with her the cold outside air. Inside wasn't much warmer, but the air was comfortably humid at least. A gust of wind slipped through the cracks as she closed the doors behind her. Her heels echoed off the stone walls and floors of the great hall, its furnishings modest compared to its storybook counterparts. There were two large leather sofas facing each other towards the side of the room furthest from the doors, between which was a glass coffee table supported by gilded wrought iron. There were several hibiscus plants placed in the room's corners to add color to the otherwise drab area. Above –– suspended from the high, vaulted ceiling –– was a chain that swung listlessly side to side whenever the walls tremored from a door being shut with too much force, or when a gust of wind blew through. From it a chandelier should have hung, but the Scouts hadn't enough funds to adorn their Headquarters in crystal and silk.

Soldiers and civilians were scattered throughout the castle already, and by the time Nephele had exited the Great Hall she heard subdued chatter filter through opened doors as mourners shuffled indoors to escape the cold.

Levi's Special Operations Squad was decimated. Nephele remembered the Scout's embarrassing retreat from titan territory, and had heard Levi's grim orders from her horse as they galloped to safety. "_Just abandon the bodies." _

That must have been a hard decision to make.

After navigating the eerie hallways of the castle, Nephele came upon Levi's office. There was no indication on the door that this was Levi's quarters, but Nephele knew that it was his. Third door on the left, facing east. Her fist hesitated before knocking three times.

When the door swung open, it caught Nephele off guard. Suddenly she was staring at Levi, his eyes level with her own. He had one hand on the door frame and was casually leaning against it. His stance was like that of a cautious yet formidable predator. The heavy, permeative smell of alcohol emanated from him.

"What?" he asked patronizingly, looking down on her even though they were almost equal in height with Nephele in heels. For a few moments, she had forgotten why she had come, and her mouth opened to explain herself but no words came out. Growing impatient, Levi rolled his eyes. "Spit it out already. There better be a good reason why you're here," he barked.

Nephele tore her gaze away and attempted to smother her pounding heart, swallowing. She held out her hand, which still held the letter she was asked to deliver to him. "I have this for you. It's from Commander Erwin."

"What is it?" Levi inquired as he snatched the parchment out of her hand. He turned his back on her and made for his desk, tearing it open as he walked. Unsure of whether she should follow or leave, Nephele stood in the doorway.

"I don't know," she admitted, her actions and words even more reserved than usual. Although Levi was being true to his aloof nature, there was something… off about him. While Nephele couldn't quite determine what it was, or what made her come to this conclusion, what she did know was that he had a good reason.

Levi pulled the letter out of its envelope and sat down in his chair. Nephele took the opportunity to survey the room, taking quick notice of how neat and organized everything was. Books were organized on the bookshelves pushed against the walls. The office was spacious enough for there to be a black leather sectional and glass coffee table, upon which was a crystal vase filled with a bouquet of snow-white gardenias. Levi wasn't one for interior decorating, apparently. Other than the flowers, he didn't try to make the room welcoming with useless, flashy baubles.

Nephele's attention returned to what most demanded it –– Levi. His flinty eyes swept over the words of the letter he read, and she noted how quickly they did so. They narrowed as further down the page they travelled. When he was finished, he rose from his seat and took the letter with him to the fireplace to toss it into the low flames. The fire rose as it licked at the kindling.

After he had disposed of the paper-trail, Levi returned to his desk where he began to write. Nephele stood awkwardly in the doorway as she awaited his response. When he finally looked up, Nephele stiffened.

"Well?"

"Uhm... " At a loss for words yet again, Nephele looked at the floor.

"You going to close the door? You're letting all the heat out," he muttered before returning to the wishing to annoy him any further, Nephele stepped forward and shut the door behind her. When she didn't move, Levi rolled his eyes but didn't look up this time. "Sit," he ordered.

By the time Nephele had reached the chair on the opposite side of Levi's desk, he had finished writing. From a drawer he retrieved a black cloth, which he used to wipe his pen of ink before placing it into a bottle of other writing utensils. Then he folded the paper and placed it inside of an envelope, which he sealed with burgundy wax. Nephele watched him cautiously as he rose and poured the contents of a bottle of whiskey into two glasses. Her heart fluttered like a nervous bird.

Closing in on her, Levi held out a glass for her to take. The amber liquid barely stirred because of how fluid his movements were. "Drink," he ordered again.

"I'm not–"

"Drink," he insisted, placing one hand on the back of her chair. Her throat burned like she'd already had half a bottle, but she inevitably ceded to Levi's desires. Feeling his gaze on her, Nephele took the smallest of sips and stifled a cough. Levi clicked his tongue at her and proceeded to down the entire contents of his glass in one gulp.

"You're drunk," Nephele accused, her hand raising to cover her mouth and nose from the stench of alcohol wafting off of Levi.

"Not yet, unfortunately," he reassured and poured himself another glass. A rather peculiar thing about Levi was his alcohol tolerance. Despite being so small, and seemingly against basic laws of physics, he could hold his liquor very well. Better than anyone, really. While the rest of his comrades marveled at his immunity to alcohol, Levi took it as a curse. Sleep and booze are a person's only weapons against reality, after all. Sighing, he returned to his chair.

While Levi was too concerned with the contents of his glass, Nephele walked over to his desk, watching him closely. It was clear that he was trying to come off as indifferent towards her, but the way his eyes shifted up at her ever-so-subtly and briefly when he blinked gave him away. He was curious to see her reaction, and wondered where her high heels would lead her to. Only when Nephele grabbed the bottle of whiskey did he look up.

"Help yourself," he muttered with sarcasm, then downed the rest of his glass in one shot. He glanced at Nephele expectantly as she wrapped her fingers around the glass bottle, nodding his head at it. "Go on."

Rather than pouring herself a portion, Nephele tipped her head back and poured the whiskey down her throat. The glass felt cool against her lips, but the alcohol left a trail of fire to her stomach. It tasted clean and strong, the way she'd expect Levi to taste. Coughing, she covered her mouth with her arm and doubled over. It felt like she'd swallowed molten metal.

"Try pouring yourself a glass instead next time. I don't need you contaminating my shit," Levi chastised. Nephele noticed then that the bottle was already three-fourths empty.

"I bet I'm more hygienic than you," Nephele said, feeling rather strange standing while Levi was sitting casually behind his desk.

"None of us are clean, especially not you," Levi muttered under his breath. "So are you going to tell me why you've decided to waltz into my office and pretend like we're just old drinking buddies?"

Shrugging like the answer she would give was the most obvious thing, Nephele decided to take a seat at Levi's desk. She pulled herself up onto it and crossed her ankles while pouring herself a glass as Levi had suggested she do. "I don't drink much. Actually, I've only had alcohol one other time. I was with friends. It was after the Graduation Ceremony, and I'd gotten a drink from one of the barrels without knowing it had alcohol in it." Smiling, Nephele reflected back on the fond memory.

"Your point?" inquired Levi as he rested his chin on the palm of his hand. Nephele's gaze went to the three buttons on the crisp white shirt that he'd neglected to button up, but didn't linger long. Her feelings for him were taboo.

"I was drinking with friends, and it was fun. I just thought that it wouldn't be so fun to drink alone," she answered, sipping at her glass. The tips of her toes and fingers were starting to tingle.

"Next time you feel that way, bring your own booze."

"You offered first," she reminded him.

"No, I ordered," corrected Levi.

Laughing, Nephele refilled Levi's glass and then raised her own, trying to meet his eyes, but he wouldn't even look her way. It'd been quite some time since she looked into them with the same fervor she kept tethered inside of her heart. She missed that steely spark.

Was that guilt she saw?

"A toast," she suggested, one hand on the desk to keep herself steady. The distance between their hands was an inferno that she dared not venture into.

"To what?"

What _do _people usually toast to? Good health? Fortune? The dead, the living, the soon-to-be-born? Love lost and love won, for victory and another battle?

"Everything," she offered. "The good and the bad."

Levi tapped his glass to hers and drank deeply, wishing it were poison they were toasting with. In a way, it was. He'd just have to increase the dosage. While Nephele had seen people toasting at parties, she wasn't too familiar with traditional drinking customs, so she didn't know that you were supposed to take a drink after toasting until seeing Levi deliberately do so. Not wanting to look like the naive little girl that she feared Levi perceived her as, she shot her liquor after him, trying not to scrunch her face up with distaste.

Frowning, Nephele looked down at her warped visage reflected in the amber liquid. She swirled it to form a tiny whirlpool that twirled around and around like her thoughts. It occurred to her that she wasn't well acquainted with Levi. She was familiar with who he was, but unaware of the fires that burned in his life to forge the person he is today. The same thing applied to Levi's knowledge of Nephele, but she didn't know if that crossed his mind. If she were to bet on it, it'd be no. He had better things to do than listen to the story of a traitorous soldier who only fought by his side because her only other alternative was execution.

"I'm sorry for your losses, Captain. We lost many good soldiers on that expedition," Nephele said, feeling that her attempts at consoling were inadequate. There was nothing she could say that could lessen his grief or bring back the dead.

Scoffing derisively, Levi leaned back into his chair. His posture was casual but proper, with his shoulders back and head tilted slightly to the right. His semi-permanent scowl and furrowed brows began to relax.

"We?" He was insinuating that she wasn't one of them again. While Levi's disapproval saddened her, Nephele tried not to take offense. She knew that she wasn't yet deserving of his acceptance. Although he was still adamant to consider her as a true member of the Scouts, it was clear that he wasn't quite as disgusted by her as he had been the past month.

Ironically, Nephele didn't delude herself into thinking that she was one of them either, so she didn't take offense to Levi's callous attitude towards her. She understood and agreed with him.

"Humanity."

Her response seemed to catch him off guard, and rather than make some crude, sarcastic remark or patronize her, Levi nodded slowly with silent approval. "We did. But they didn't die in vain. Their sacrifices brought us one step closer to the truth."

Smiling softly, Nephele finished her glass. She'd only just started drinking, but the effects of the alcohol were already beginning to set in. It was a strange, liberating feeling.

"You don't try to seem cold and distant, but that's how you come across as to most people. But I know that you're upset about what happened to your squad. You should try entrusting your feelings to others more. You don't need to carry the weight of all the people you've lost alone." After a few moments of deliberative silence from Levi, Nephele became anxious. "I'm sorry. I've spoken out of turn," she apologized.

"We've already gotten past the formalities," he replied. With sincerity, he appraised her efforts in battle by saying, "You fought well in the Forest of Giant Trees, but just because you're a decent soldier who knows how to follow orders doesn't mean you have my trust." He poured himself another drink, and Nephele wondered how much longer he was going to continue drowning himself.

"Did you just give me a compliment?" she teased, testing his limits.

"Did you just flirt with me?" he countered, much to Nephele's chagrin and horror. Her heart hammering in her chest, she cursed alcohol's knack for weakening a person's inhibitions. It was like she was playing with fire, and the burn in her throat was a reminder of its presence.

At a loss for words, Nephele searched for an escape route to the mess she'd gotten herself into. "You're the one who complimented me." '_Shit. That was such a stupid thing to say!'_

"Don't get ahead of yourself," warned Levi. Nephele decided that she'd played with fire long enough and retreated, though she couldn't help the disappointed frown that she gave.

"Wouldn't dream of it," she muttered. Sliding off the desk, she held up her empty glass and asked him what he wanted her to do with it.

"Just leave it. I'll clean later," he replied. Nephele glanced around the room but didn't see much other than the almost empty bottle of whiskey on the desk that required attention. That's when she realised something.

"You had an extra glass on the desk when I came. Were you expecting someone?" she asked cautiously.

The look on Levi's face gave Nephele the impression that he didn't plan on stopping anytime soon. "I figured someone would see fit to barge in on me tonight, and I try to be a good host to my unwanted guests," he said sardonically. Rather than take offense, Nephele just laughed. She didn't mind his insensitivity.

"Well, thanks for having me. I'm not an alcohol connoisseur, but the refreshments were good by my standards."

"Look who's flirting now," Levi mocked.

Placing her fist over her heart, she saluted him as is expected of a soldier with her rank. "I'm only being polite."

"Would you like me to walk you to your room?"

Nephele turned her back on him and headed for the door just in time for her to cheeks turn a light shade of scarlet. "Goodnight, Captain." He didn't return her words and she left quietly, wondering if he was going to sleep tonight.


	16. Chapter 15: Snapdragon

**[AN]** I often get emails informing me that more people have followed or favorited this mess of a fanfiction. it always brightens my mood to see that other people are enjoying this alternate world that I've created for our beloved characters. yet most of you guys stay so silent! it'd mean even more to me to hear what your thoughts are on the story, so that I can improve myself and get different opinions and ideas. your feedback really does mean a lot to me, even if it's negative. so please, introduce yourself if you haven't yet, and tell me what you've liked, disliked, and what you want to see/look forward to reading in the future. thank you so much to those of you who have taken the time to review. I appreciate your input more than anything. your reviews feed meeeee

The events that take place in this chapter follow the rest of the anime. We'll see where this goes.

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**Chapter 15: Snapdragon**

_The sleeping giants in their brick houses stirred. 'Cattle.' Their dim, giant eyes devoured her, watching, feeding. With each heavy blink, she could feel herself crumbling even faster than their stone prisons. Clumsy hands as large as mountains reached through the cracks towards her. They encircled her, towered above her as they broke free from the walls they were once entrenched within. The world around her was a mass of grotesque limbs and hungry mouths and teeth the size of her head. The walls had fallen, and all that lay behind them was an endless valley of darkness, and more giants._

_Though they towered above her, even they could not eclipse the effervescent colors of the sky. Hues of azure and gold and violet and pink shone through the cracks in their unorganized ranks. But beyond that laid what?_

_Their hands reached for her, silhoutted by a myriad of colors._

'_You're okay…'_

"Nephele? Are you okay?"

Gasping like she'd emerged from the depths, Nephele choked on the air that filled her lungs. She sat up, coughing, and the tremors that ran through her body awoke the pain that had gone to sleep with her. The nightmares never rested, though. She could still see the eyes.

There was a bit of added weight on the mattress."Yeah, 'm fine," she grumbled at Krista, pushing the sheets off of her body. _'I must see the sky first,' _she thought before turning her head to gaze out the bedroom window. Dawn was approaching while the golden sun was just starting to peak lazily out from behind the granite spine of some fallen, mountainous titan.

Ymir and Sasha were stilling snoring in their beds on the other side of the spacious room. Nephele guessed that it was just before five o'clock, which was when most of her days had began for the past several years. Yesterday they––along with over three dozen other Scouts––given a 'respite' from their duties, stripped of their equipment, and stationed in a fort south of Wall Rose. It seemed that Nephele's internal clock now struck in perpetual concurrence with the rising sun.

When Nephele looked over at Krista sitting on her bed, she could feel and see the girl shift beneath her gaze. Her smiles were always kind––her words uncertain but full of concern––though her turquoise eyes always remained heavily guarded.

"You were talking and moving in your sleep," Krista briefly explained as she stood, smiling almost meekly. "Is there anything you need? Water?"

"I'm fine. Thanks," answered Nephele a bit too brusquely. She felt a bit of guilt afterward for her sudden harshness, but bit her lip instead of furthering the conversation to apologize. She didn't yet trust herself with words so early in the morning and with only around three hours of sleep to keep her running for the rest of the day.

Krista was already changed into her civilian clothing, which consisted of a lilac knit sweater over a white collared shirt, khaki trousers, and black, canvas oxfords. If she took offense to Nephele's words, she made no hint of it. Instead, Krista smiled and quickly excused herself.

"Alright. I'll be downstairs in the Dining Room if there's anything you need," she murmured, stumbling over a few words.

"I'll come down in a bit," Nephele suddenly said before Krista could retreat out of range. The blonde looked over her shoulder and raised her hand to wave goodbye.

"Then I'll meet you there. Oh, and could you tell Ymir where I am if she wakes up before you leave?" she asked politely.

"Yeah, sure," promised Nephele, waving her hand back at the girl with less ardor than Krista had. She kept her eyes pointed at the floor, listening to her footfall as it gradually receded, and the door when it closed gently behind her.

Surrounded by sleeping soldiers, Nephele felt very alone. She missed her parents whose scattered remains slumbered underground, the gardens she tended to with her mother and the forests she'd hunt with her father. She missed Daisy and Jasmine, their horses. They had always faithfully carried Nephele and her parents, but her and Ligeia had to leave them behind at the gate to Wall Rose during the evacuation of Wall Maria. She missed the young couple living in their stone cottage on the other side of the hill, and the big, old yew tree that they tended to. She missed the old lady and her animal shelter, and Poppy, it's sole survivor. Nephele wasn't allowed to keep the dog for very long. It wasn't appropriate for a soldier to keep a pet while on duty.

She missed Petra, the daughter of two loving parents whom Nephele had entrusted with Poppy's care, upon Petra's insistent suggestions. She'd never had a dog, Petra told her. Her mom's parents once owned a kennel, though, so she'd be in good hands. Maybe one day Nephele could visit.

She missed Marco, too. Jean especially missed Marco. He'd sometimes talk about the freckled lad as if he still breathed air, and seldom about the circumstances of his death. He tried to immortalize Marco's memory in the hearts of everyone who had the chance to know him, but he wouldn't tread lightly into the irrevocable blackness that was the finality of death's crushing grip.

Nephele rubbed sleep dust from her eyes and stood. She went to the large full-length mirror hanging crooked on the wall and ran her fingers through her hair. When she pulled her hand free, several strands came with it, sewed between her fingers. The threads holding her head together were starting to come undone, it seemed.

She went under her bed to rummage through one of her briefcases, which she'd stuffed haphazardly with clothes. Without paying much heed to style, Nephele dressed herself casually in a loose, daisy print blouse, a pair of slightly worn jeans, and green loafers. Ymir still hadn't woken up, and Nephele didn't linger long to relay Krista's message.

On her way to the Dining Hall, Nephele anxiously fiddled with her necklace and glanced past open doors. She saw a few soldiers in their bunk rooms going about their morning routines, while others were taking advantage of the day off and were still asleep. She saw Mike Zacharius staring over a bunch of papers at his desk in that imposing, slumped manner exclusive to Survey Corps squad leaders. There appeared to be a town map amongst the papers he was scrutinizing. Several other voices exchanged hushed murmurs to one another, and Nephele was tempted to try to listen in on them. She couldn't see anyone else in the room with the door only half open.

Mike looked up at her with callous blue eyes, and as quickly as that the door shut. Nephele's bad leg bothered her for the duration of her walk.

By the time Nephele reached the Dining Hall, food was already waiting for her and Krista was no where to be found. Voices echoed off the high ceiling, making it sound like the room held more patrons than it truly did. The smell of animal grease and eggs nearly made her gag, and when she tried to breathe from her mouth she could practically taste it in the air. It'd been quite some time since she last consumed meat.

Nephele took her place at the end of the short line of soldiers waiting for their meals. Lines were what kept the military running so smoothly. With few options to choose from, Nephele broke her fast on honeyed over-ripe fruit and hard bread, alone.

"Same old Nephele. Always wistfully staring out a window. Don't you get sick of the same view?" came Reiner's booming voice. She heard and felt him sit down beside her on the bench before she saw his face. As she expected, Bertolt joined him across from her, smiling politely.

"Hey, Neph," acknowledged Bertolt meekly.

Nephele nodded at the pair and stabbed a blueberry with her fork. It popped, oozing white goo from its puncture wound. She scooped up the remains and ate its bruised carcass, the taste of honey as thick as blood on her tongue.

"It's always different," she murmured, staring at the distant mountains that formed the wall of granite teeth encircling the valley. The world above was a dusty canvas of muted blues, purples, and oranges. Warm and cool colors coalesced in the kind of visual harmony that can only be painted by the sky. Evergreens rose from the earth like emerald lances, and all of it was framed by an arched window. The world was surging, losing and growing, breathing and dying all around her, yet she could only see what was happening beyond the glass.

Reiner swept his gaze around the room cautiously then leaned closer to Nephele. His large arm brushed against her own, dwarfing the muscles she'd strengthened over the years. Despite his size, Nephele had still bested him in that arm wrestling match back during their training days.

"I heard that beyond the walls there's a big, endless lake with salty water that goes on and on forever, and forests where rain falls from leaves, and fields of sand, and mountains that spit liquid fire. I bet you've never seen something like that outside of your windows," said Reiner in a hushed voice, his mischievous grin stretched wide. "Tell her, Bertolt."

Red blossomed on Bertolt's long face and he shook his head. "It's not like I've seen any of those things," he muttered forlornly. "I just heard about them from different people."

"I've read about the ocean, about deserts and jungles," said Nephele, smiling softly as one would at the thought of a distant, nostalgic memory. "Though never of mountains that spit fire. The earth has so many lost treasures, but they're out there. The ocean stirs as we speak, and will continue to do so long after we've spoken our last." Nephele looked back out the window. The sky was now a dull gray, and she could hear the voices of a hundred birds. Though each sang their own tune, their refrains made a melodic song that Nephele would never get to hear again. She closed her eyes for a moment, and the song became louder.

She thought of the ocean. It must be as blue and vast as the sky. While Nephele may never reach the heavens, she may be able to submerge herself in its reflection one day. Armin always talked about the ocean…

"But those kinds of books are banned," murmured Reiner under his breath, wary of any who may be listening to their conversation.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Nephele shrugged and finished her fruit as Reiner started shoveling spoonfuls of powdered eggs into his mouth.

"Neither do I," Bertolt said after devouring his sausage in one colossal bite. Nephele appreciated how quickly the pair caught on and changed subjects.

By the time they had finished their meals, many of the other soldiers were entering the Dining Hall. Nephele excused herself and returned her dishes, unsure of how to spend the rest of the day. She and her comrades were being stationed at the base for an undetermined amount of time, and unequipped. Running a hand through her short curls, Nephele went outside.

The trees were dancing at the mercy of a cool eastern wind that tossed the fallen leaves and pine needles littering the ground. Nephele found a gnarled oak to sit beneath, its branches reaching low and high. Its roots poked out of the ground like petrified wooden snakes slithering around her feet. She leaned against its thick trunk, lending it her warmth. It was days like this that fed Nephele's wanderlust. There were so many places to explore within and beyond the walls, but Nephele was fettered to her duties as a soldier.

'_I must trust in the Survey Corps to lead me to the unknown.' _

It was strange to think that her aspirations were once so very different from the ones she had now. Was her current path the right one? Maybe they all just led to the same place.

Nephele didn't notice when her daydreams became true dreams. Her frazzled mind conjured lands made of ice and fire, of dancing on sunset clouds and leaving footsteps everywhere she went. She dreamt that the earth shook and split and swallowed her whole, and that dark cavern was damp and ringed with a thousand enormous, square teeth. She continued to fall, yet the shaking did not stop.

The darkness flickered. A hand was reaching towards her, obscuring all else. It took a few moments for Nephele to get grasp reality, but when she did she quickly went into action, leaping from the ground and rolling to the side in time for the titan's hand to come crashing down where she had been dozing away just moments before.

"Shit. The wall." Nephele instinctively reached for her blades, and her heart dropped when she realized that she was unequipped. Without her gear, she was helpless against even an eight meter class titan such as this one. Another swipe of its giant hand, another leap to safety. She used the tree as a shield, keeping it between her and the titan at all times while she searched for someone to rescue her.

Off in the distance, a frantic horse was galloping, its saddle empty where a soldier should have been. Perhaps they were nearby, swinging around on their 3DMG. Perhaps they had been plucked from the back of their horse by some titan. Searching for the rider, Nephele spotted a figure standing on the roof of the base's main building, surrounded by the fallen bodies of evaporating titans. In the distance, a massive titan unlike any she'd ever seen was slowly approaching.

'_It's a Titan Shifter,' _Nephele surmised, judging from the titan's beastlike features. It was completely covered in hair, and looked like some kind of furry human. An ape, she believed they were called. A creature from the old world.

Nephele searched for a weapon, anything that she could use to stab into the titan's nape. A fallen branch almost as thick as herself caught her eye, one of its broken ends slightly tapered. Looking up, she saw that the oak was missing a limb, and silently thanked it for its sacrifice. Hopefully it would not be in vain.

Nephele ran towards the branch and gathered it into her arms, the adrenaline coursing through her veins adding power to her muscles. It was heavy, being eight feet in length and weighing well over a hundred pounds, but Nephele had lifted much heavier weights during training. She tucked it under her arm, aiming at the titan with the pointy end. Now, she was the bait. The titan's hands wrapped around her body with no regard for how tight its grip was. Groaning as she felt herself being squeezed, it lifted her off the ground, its mouth opened wide to consume her. _'Closer. I need to get the right angle…'_

Shouting with vehemence, Nephele plunged the branch inside of the titan's mouth, angling it down where the creature's nape should be. The beast's mouth closed around the branch, cracking the wood and shredding off pieces of bark with its teeth. Grinding her own teeth, Nephele put all of her weight behind the branch, and the beast's teeth peeled it like a carrot as it pierced the back of its throat.

She hit the mark. The titan's grip loosened around her, dropping Nephele to land unceremoniously on the forest floor. The titan fell with her, the branch protruding from the back of its neck and dripping blood.

Panting, Nephele brushed the dirt off of her trousers and turned to the man standing on the roof. She recognized him as Mike Zacharius now, and waved her hand to get his attention.

"Captain!" she shouted a single time, but decided it was best to lay low to avoid inciting the ape titan's wrath. Luckily, Mike heard her the first time, which was indicated by the slightest tilt of his head in her direction. If they survived this, it was Mike's wrath she'd have to face for day dreaming outside instead of awaiting orders like a good soldier.

Mike's attention was fixated on the ape titan, and he reluctantly tore his gaze from the walking enigma to leap off the roof and soar through the air. Landing before her with a light 'thud,' Mike wasted no time in suddenly striking her with the back of his hand.

"Who gave you permission to leave base? You could have gotten killed. Your negligence has probably costed humankind several lives by now," he spit, his words causing more pain than his slap had. Nephele's fingers twitched to touch her cheek, but she saluted him instead and stared at her superior with steadfast loyalty and humility.

"My actions are inexcusable, Lieutenant Zacharius. When all of this is over, and if I still stand, I will obediently accept any punishment that I am given," she proclaimed with a strong salute. Mike sniffed at her, and the scowl on his face suggested that he didn't like what he smelled.

Sucking his teeth, Mike nodded his head at Nephele's kill. "You're resourceful, I'll give you that."

Mike looked over at the ape Titan, whose demanding presence hung over the area like a thunderhead heavy with rain. It's gait was languid and relaxed, it's long arms swaying listlessly as it walked with the horizon in its sights.

"I'll report this to Commander Erwin later. For now, you're sticking with me. Congratulations, Ambrosia. Your chances of survival just plummeted."

"But I-"

Mike's sharp whistle cut off Nephele in midsentence and made her ears ring with its high frequency. The pounding of hooves heralded the horse's approach, and it galloped over to them on command.

"Get on," demanded Mike as he gave the chestnut horse's side a few pats.

Nephele decided to obey first and ask questions later. She put her foot in the stirrup and struggled to hoist herself into the saddle, wondering how Levi managed to climb his own horse. He was only a few inches taller than Nephele, even though that height difference disappeared while Nephele was in heels. She always liked how short he was, how their eyes were level with each other.

Looking over at Mike, she awaited his command with her hands on the reins and her chin pointed up.

Pointing at the stables beyond the main building, past the ape Titan, Mike said, "Over in the stables is a single set of gear. Get it, put it on, and find me."

"Where are you going, sir?" inquired Nephele, concerned as to what Mike's plans may be.

"I'm going to stick to the trees and follow that titan. Stay out of its line of sight and stay in the forest, heading due northwest. It seems to be sticking to the plains right now and heading towards the nearest village, but as long as you remain hidden by the trees you should be safe. Can you whistle?" Nephele nodded in affirmation. "Good. Whistling should be a part of training. Every three minutes, I'll whistle three times. When you hear me, whistle thrice back. Understood?"

"Yes, Lieutenant. Though intuition tells me that that the titan is a human shifter. If it hears us communicating, it might act against us," she warned.

Mike regarded her with more interest now, "I've been watching it for a while, and it's been ignoring me. Since it's a deviant, however, I agree that we should keep our distance for now."

"It's already aware of our presence, then. It might attack us at any moment," Nephele said, trying to maintain a cool, calm, and collected facade.

"Then you better hope it doesn't, Ambrosia," advised Mike before he turned on his heel and threw himself into the air and through the forest.

With fear and dread weighing heavy on her, Nephele directed her steed towards the stables, digging her heels into its sides to urge it into a gallop. It's hooves tore apart the earth as it carried her to their destination on some of the fastest legs on this side of the Walls.

When they reached the stables, Nephele slid off of her horse and sprinted to the doors. The heavy stench of horseflesh and straw greeted her when she threw them open. Looking around for the gear that Mike spoke of, she searched the stalls and tack room, and found it hanging on a saddle rack. Why a random set of gear was in here eluded her, but Nephele put it on anyway. The harness was adjusted too large for her own body, so she had to tighten them to fit. There were only two sets of blades in the scabbard, and the gas tanks were only three fourths full. At least she had the luxury of gear, unlike her other comrades. She wondered where they were, what their commands were, and if anyone had gotten hurt.

The Wall was infiltrated. Titans were in Wall Rose. But why were there only nine, led by some monstrous titan covered in hair? Why were no more in the area? Were they all feasting on humans in the neighboring villages? Why hadn't they been informed?

Though Nephele wasn't a veteran in the Survey Corps, she knew by now that the most probable outcome was often the least expected. Had the ape titan created the other titans, the way she saw Eren emerge from the stomach of a titan as one of them?

Nephele saddled another horse to bring to Mike, a bay gelding with a mild temperament. She led it outside and tied the reins to her own horse, then set off to find Mike.

Inside of the forest, Nephele could no longer see the ape titan. She counted her blessings and rode onward, staying in the outskirts of the woods to look for the ape titan and remain hidden from it. Knowing the shifter's aptitude for unforeseen abilities, she feared this one's power. Perhaps it could detect her, or smell her fear. If that were the case, getting anxious about it wouldn't help.

Closing her eyes, Nephele listened to the forest, wondering what secrets it had. With her vision removed, her sense of sound was heightened. For two minutes she listened, discerning chirps from whistles, keeping her horse on course with her mental compass as it weaved through the trees. Finally, she heard his whistles; three rapid, bird like trils. Heading towards the sound, Nephele's eyes snapped open as she whistled back, trying to mimic his sound. She drove the horses faster until she saw Mike zooming above and between the trees.

Whistling once again to signal her arrival, she saw Mike glance down. He lowered himself skillfully, managing to land on the spare horse she had brought for him, and reported his findings.

"It seems to be heading towards the nearest village, but I've already sent teams to evacuate the civilians. Hopefully they've spread the word fast enough. It'd be negligent to attack the titan ourselves, so do not engage unless I give you strict orders to do so," Mike said, keeping his voice just barely loud enough for Nephele to hear over the beating of the horse's hooves.

"Yes, sir," Nephele replied, her mind brewing all sorts of questions that she didn't dare ask. As a soldier of such low rank and reputation, it would be impudent to press her superior for details regarding the mission. She was a soldier, and her duty was to obey commands. Nephele had decided to be the most loyal, steadfast soldier in the Scouts. She would not falter before Death, even if her instincts told her to run from the darkness. She would devote herself wholeheartedly to the cause, as it was humanity's only battle; and perhaps their last.

After fifteen minutes of riding, they neared the first village. From above the trees, Nephele saw the smoke of fires that had been hastily put out, their tendrils reaching up to poison the clouds. A grim silence strangled the area, its tight grip around the forest as well. Not a bird chirped, nor a creature stirred from its den.

Mike and Nephele slowed their horses to a brisk trot as they approached the village, and finally a slow walk when they reached the forest's edge. Scanning the area for the beast titan, they easily spotted it standings with its hairy back to them. It's attention was fixed on something hidden to them, but from the dark splatters staining the ground and walls of several buildings, Nephele had a good guess of what it's hapless toy may be.

"Don't talk, and do as I do," Mike commanded once he had gotten a glimpse of the gruesome scene. Nephele nodded rather than vocalize her agreement.

The lower half of some Scout's body laid on the roof of someone's home, blood flowing down its slanted side to trickle steadily to the ground. Whatever team Mike had dispatched west had been completely decimated by the beast titan. There were no other titans or living humans around, only fresh corpses that had been squashed like rotten fruit against the ground and buildings. There was no evidence of consumption, which further proved Nephele's hypothesis. There also wasn't a single civilian body to be seen, which Nephele assumed meant that they had escaped while the Scouts were engaged in battle with the beast titan.

Mike slid off of his horse and tied its reins around a low branch while Nephele mirrored his actions. As they were creeping through the underbrush, Nephele couldn't help but think they were living up to their names as Scouts. This was what Scouts in the military used to be tasked with. They prowled ahead of the pack and sniffed out any threats, sticking to the shadows to gain intel on their enemies.

Squinting her eyes to get a better glimpse through the foliage, Nephele saw a familiar, steely glint coming from the titan's upraised hands. When her eyes focused on the object, she discerned it as being a soldier's gear.

"They use swords, hm…" the echoes of the titan's resonant, deep voice pulsed all around them like the heartbeat of the forest itself. Nephele had never heard a titan speak before, not even Eren. She held onto every word, knowing that each syllable was a small, unique piece to the enigmatic puzzle of titans, their origins, and their ulterior motives. "They must know what's in our napes," it concluded.

'_Eren and Annie's human selves are in their napes,' _Nephele thought to herself, wondering if that was what the titan was referring to.

"They've made such an interesting invention," mused the titan as it lifted its long, wiry arms to get a closer look at the gear. Only then did Nephele notice that there were several skeletal remains of evaporating titans littering the village. A few buildings were collapsed, possibly from some titan's massive fist or foot smashing down upon it.

Mike sniffed at the air, scrunching his nose at whatever smell the titan was exuding. Wondering what kind of information Mike could gain from a titan's scent, Nephele tried it herself. All she could smell was pine needles, smoke, and fresh corpses.

Keeping his voice low, Mike inclined his head to whisper in Nephele's ear, his stubble scratching against her cheek. By then, the titan was already making its way back south, its long arms swaying listlessly by its sides, fingertips nearly brushing the ground.

"Take a horse and head towards Wall Rose and search for any comrades to report the situation here to. If you find the breach, avoid it at all costs. Titans should be streaming out of there like rats from a hole," he ordered.

Nephele wanted to retort with _'What breach? What titans?' _but kept her questions to herself and nodded like a dutiful soldier, her fist clenched tight over her heart.

"Good luck, sir," she wished him earnestly. Losing Mike Zacharius would be a critical blow to humanity's survival.

"And you as well, Ambrosia." Mirroring her actions, Mike saluted and went to mount his own horse. With one last parting glance, one that questioned what the future would hold for the two of them, he rode off to continue following the beastial titan.

"I'll need it," she muttered forlornly to herself as she pulled herself into the saddle. They had exchanged horses, and Nephele now rode the gelding she had gotten from the stables. Patting the creature's neck, she urged it towards Wall Rose, wondering what horrors she'd stumble across along the way.

'_I hope Levi isn't fighting. He's still injured from the battle with Annie.'_

The more she thought about it, the more she wished that none of her comrades were fighting. She wished there was nothing left to fight.


	17. Chapter 16: Zinnia

[AN] I'll be editing the previous chapters once we reach chapter 20, as I have no concept of proof-reading and I'm too fucking lazy to go over what I've just written to check for errors! to anyone who has endured the awful couple of first chapters, I applaud you. you are made of some serious mettle, to cope with such bullshit.

some of the dialogue in this chapter is the butchered dialogue of a scanlation of the manga. anywho, here's a few responses to several reviewers:

KiraKiraBluemoon: thanks to my favorite follower of this story for your frequent reviews! I always like seeing notifications that you reviewed the latest chapter. I hope you're doing well, and enjoying the story!

Maikamika: Levi is a difficult person to get to know and come to love, so unfortunately the romance and fluff will be excruciatingly slow paced for now. while the conversation at the end of this chapter may not be the fluff you're looking for, it'll provide more depth to the relationship between the characters on at least one end of said relationship. don't worry though, this dry spell won't last forever!

coralvortex: I'm glad you think so! my style of writing places emphasis on human emotion and the images it creates. living in a world as gruesome and cruel as Shingeki no Kyojin, our beloved characters deserve at least a silver lining to rule the pages of the stories we create with their visages in mind.

mun3litKnight: Petra's my favorite. so kind, so pure. too good for this world.

Nevvy: thanks for the review! The best stories are the ones that tug on the heartstrings, but trust me I haven't been as ruthless as I plan on being in the oncoming chapters.

Note: I am so fucking exhausted staying up writing this omg. also the lines from this song remind me of Levi for some reason oh well my eyes are gonna fall outta my fukin skull

* * *

_"I'll leave this all behind for you when I'm gone_  
_You grew from a seed_  
_Forever strong as a pine tree_  
_Always an evergreen."_

_ – "Evergreen," Knuckle Puck_

**Chapter 16: Zinnia**

_'I am a soldier. I shall not falter.'_ Over and over again, Nephele chanted those mantras in her head. They resonated in her mind like a heartbeat, or perhaps that was just the sound of her blood flowing through her body.

There was something unsettling about the unknown. In the face of most enemies, Nephele would swallow her fears until she choked on them, but the silence was stifling and the anticipation crushing. There was nothing to fight except the darkness, which often played cruel tricks on her, making her think that the trees were titans, and the gnarled branches their ungainly arms reaching out to snatch her.

The only solace Nephele found was in her horse's mild temperament, and the snores of a sleeping forest. If there was something to be afraid of, her horse would be the first to know. It rode on, cavalier and calm as it plunged deeper into the darkness. The moon was veiled by a thick cloak of clouds, making the forest especially dark. Without a torch to guide her, Nephele's eyes were well-adjusted, but they played tricks on her regardless. Crickets, owls, and rodents scurried and spoke in hushed whispers, and immediately ceased as Nephele galloped past. She wondered how Zacharius was faring behind her, or if he'd gotten himself killed by that hairy monstrosity of a titan. Knowing that the beast was somewhere behind her, she drove her horse forward as if a horde of titans were already on their heels.

The Wall rose before her like a stone curtain, barely visible through the thick foliage. Soon after first seeing it, Nephele found herself riding across a sparsely vegetated plain. A dilapidated castle that looked like it was one brick away from sudden collapse loomed ahead, and it appeared to be the only standing structure for miles. Though its occupants tried their hardest to blend in with the crumbling walls and avoid detection by boarding up the windows with whatever materials they could find, slivers of light snuck through the cracks in their makeshift curtains, composed of wooden planks and bits of furniture. Sometimes, a shadow would pass over the light and block its path, only to pass by quickly. There were definitely people inside. Unfortunately, it was impossible for Nephele to discern whether they were friend or foe. Titans were not the only enemies. This kind of ramshackle castle was the ideal nest for avaricious bandits.

Hopeful for the first time since waking up beneath the branches of that old oak, Nephele managed to crack a crooked grin. She dug her heels into her horse's sides just a bit harder, urging it towards the only semblance of light beneath their tiny stretch of night sky.

_'They are members of the Survey Corps. Otherwise, they wouldn't have tried so hard to board up the windows. Right? Bandits might also go to such lengths to prevent anyone riding by night from seeing the light coming from the windows, but it'd be obvious that someone was living there if someone were to pass the castle by during the day and see the windows all boarded up. Those are boards, right? I cannot tell.'_

That was when she heard their groans. It wasn't the wind playing strange music with the trees and mountains as its instruments this time, but rather the beasts in the shadows that she'd been running from. Looking over her shoulder, she saw their dark, misshapen figures emerge from the forest behind her where she had just been moments before. They loped towards her and the castle, their arms swaying listlessly by their sides as they walked. More kept coming, and Nephele didn't have time to count them all.

_'Impossible! It's the middle of the fucking night!'_

She turned her head from the looming threat and stuffed her hand into one of the horse's saddlebags, rummaging around for a flare or something she could use as a projectile to hurl at the castle and get the attention of those inside. Her fingers wrapped around the flare's barrel, and she retrieved it from the bag with a sigh of relief. Taking it into both hands, she aimed it at the window. Firm grip, no loose wrists. She closed one eye and looked down the barrel with the other. Unfortunately, flare guns weren't designed with accuracy in mind, and it wasn't equipped with a sight. She pulled the trigger. The first red flare bounced uselessly off of the castle's wall. She pulled the trigger again. The second one was as black as the night, and Nephele could only identify it by a wisp of smoke and the sudden hole it punched through in one of the window's barriers. She heard shouts and saw a vaguely familiar face peek out from the fist-sized hole she'd made.

"Titans!" Nephele shouted at the top of her lungs as she rode through what once was the castle's main gate. This entire length of wall was now just a pile of bricks and rotted wooden supports. She veered her horse towards the stables, dismounting while it was still in a brisk trot. She brought her hand down on the creature's flank as it passed to coax it into the stables, but didn't bother confining it to its own stall or tying its reins to something. There wasn't enough time, and it'd probably be best if the creature had the chance to escape.

Nephele thought of that kind old lady, and the animal shelter she ran with her husband. She wondered if he was safe. She wondered if they had a funeral for her, or if he'd refurbished the shelter in her memory. She thought of all the dogs they'd rescued and had taken care of only to get crushed beneath the rubble of the building as it collapsed beneath the foot or fist of some ravenous titan, and felt the overwhelming urge to free the horses from their stalls to save them from the same fate.

Instead, Nephele ran towards the castle's highest tower, up a flight of steps to reach the top of what remained of the wall. When she reached the tower, its door swung open to allow her passage. She went inside and was greeted by three Scouts adorned in 3DMG with rather sullen, apprehensive expressions.

"State your name and purpose, soldier," ordered a light haired young man as soon as she entered. This was Gelgar, she observed. Surely he knew what her name was as well. Surely every officer that was stationed at that base knew every name of every soldier under their thumb. Saluting, Nephele stood strong, tall, and subservient to her cause.

"Nephele Ambrosia. I am sent here by Zacharius to warn anyone I can of the impending threat of a beast-like titan, thought to be another Titan Shifter. On my way here, I saw a group of titans heading this way. They came out of the northern forest several minutes after myself."

"Titans, you said? How is that even possible? They lose energy in the dark," came a familiar voice from across the room. Nephele saw Connie rise from his seat on a wooden crate, a deck of cards slipping from his hands and scattering on the dusty floor. Bertolt was sitting across from him, while Reiner and Ymir were coming down the rounded staircase. Krista stood off to the side, her arms wrapped around herself as she looked to her superior officers, obediently awaiting orders.

"Forget everything you know about them for now," Nephele advised, kicking the door shut behind her with the toe of her shoe. She was still wearing a pair of loafers. She might as well be wearing ice skates for all the good they'd do for her in combat. No grip, no support, and they could slip off at the slightest misstep. Rolling her shoulders to get her blood flowing, she kicked them off, and nudged her socks off as well. As she was standing barefooted before them and awaiting further instructions, Reiner spoke up.

"Yup, those are titans alright. The moon's still blocked by the clouds, but I can see shapes coming closer," he muttered forlornly as he stared outside through the cracks in the boarded up windows.

"Shit," Connie muttered with a shake of his shaved head.

"Wait, where did you get that gear, Ambrosia?" asked Lynne with a cynical expression, her brows drawn and arms crossed over her chest. It was Gelgar who diverted the topic.

"We have more important matters to attend to. I expect a full report when all of this is over, Ambrosia. I'm sure you're no stranger to them. For now, you're with me," he said calmly, before his demeanor suddenly and drastically changed. Turning to the rest of the group, he pointed towards the staircase and shouted their orders.

Gelgar led Nephele, Lynne, and two other officers by the names of Nanaba and and Henning, to the top of the tower. A fire had been lit, which Nephele noted would only serve in blinding them to the shadows and the night. Overhead, it was as dark as it was below. If she squinted her eyes enough, she could see titans loping towards the castle. They were only a few yards away from the broken walls, and there were more than she cared to count. Even more were emerging from the forest like the steady trickle of water from a leaky pipe.

The moon, once shy and demure, started to reveal itself. Perhaps it was a stupid, pretty thought, but Nephele couldn't help but think that the true nature of clouds was to eclipse the sun and sky.

Further on, they saw the Beast Titan – massive, monstrous, menacing – as it strode towards the Wall. It seemed oblivious to their presence, but the soldiers knew that it was responsible for the strange sequence of current events. If the Beast Titan was nearby, Zacharius shouldn't be far behind. Hopefully.

"Fucking hell! I never even got to finish that wine," Gelgar practically growled at the titans below as some entered the bailey, their clumsy hands clawing at the tower. One nudged the tower with its shoulder in what seemed to be an attempt to knock it over, causing the building to shake beneath their feet. Stumbling, Nephele grabbed onto the parapet to steady herself and looked down below at the faces that wished to consume her. She saw two smaller titans trying to bust down the door with their brute strength, and turned to Gelgar to ensure that he saw it, too.

"Don't fuck with me!" he roared, drawing his swords and preparing for battle.

"You newbies better stand back," advised Nanaba to the soldiers of the 104th squad. Her turquoise eyes narrowed in on Nephele when she moved to join her comrades. "Except for you, Ambrosia. I saw you fight in the Forest of Giant Trees. You have gear, you can fight with us."

Laughing sullenly, Nephele shook her head in disbelief. "Damn. Guess I'm down on my luck tonight," she muttered forlornly to herself.

"Us four are the lucky ones. Who knew we'd have backup?" Lynne added.

"You got a full tank?" Henning inquired as he drew his own swords. Nodding, Nephele tapped one of the canisters for good luck.

"Yes. Let's get this over with," she muttered. The sound of steel being drawn was music to her ears.

Nephele saw one titan devouring the other when she made the jump. Leaping from the castle tower, they descended upon the giant cannibals like fleas, in arms reach of the eleven meter class groping the air for them. Gelgar sliced off the titan's fingers as its hand came dangerously close, while Nanaba sliced out a chunk of its nape. It collapsed on top of several smaller titans, effectively crushing them. Hopefully, they'd be unable to regenerate. Sure, the five could easily handle such small fry, but that'd be a waste of good steel.

Unfortunately, one titan was only trapped halfway beneath the larger one's evaporating body. It stared up at them hungrily, before Lynne lowered herself from the tower and swung low to the ground, landing on its back to put an end to its life.

Gelgar and Nanaba joined her on the ground while Nephele hung from the tower's wall, observing the area. She looked to Wall Rose and saw the beast titan kneeling at the top, watching them intently from afar. Her eyes narrowed, and for a moment she thought that it was staring directly at her.

"Fuck!" she heard Gelgar shout for the third time that evening, and probably not the last. She looked down to see him and Lynne racing for the top of the tower.

"The door's been busted," Henning informed her after he'd lowered himself down to her level. Groaning, Nephele tilted her head back.

"This is gonna be a pain in the ass," she muttered, taking a few moments to calm her nerves. She was probably going to die. They were all probably going to die. Closing her eyes, she focused on her breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Her hands were swords, her feet wings. "I didn't have a very high teamwork score in training," she admitted. "So I'm going to do what I do best."

When her eyes snapped open, the moon seemed brighter, and it casted faded blue light onto the land. Her blades looked sharper. Pushing off the wall, she used its circular construction to her advantage, swinging around it and giving her cables a bit of slack for more range. Her first kill was a ten meter class, and she released her cables before it could snatch them, using her momentum to fly without the use of her cables. Hands off the gas, letting physics work for her. She sliced through its nape in passing, and while the cut wasn't as deep as she would have preferred from her relying only on inertia, it was good enough. The beast fell to its knees, and Nephele didn't linger long to catch her breath. She moved onto her next target, and then the next, weaving between the smaller titans as she picked them off one by one like they were ripened fruit.

As Nephele was hacking away at the nape of one titan, she was oblivious to the foe behind her. Swinging from the bridge connecting the larger tower to its smaller counterpart, she inspected her blades for any nicks when a shower of hot, bubbling blood rained upon her. She turned her head and watched as the titan about to devour her collapsed in defeat, and her savior rose above it, moonlight glinting off their swords. When they approached her, Nephele recognized them as Mike Zacharius. Her heart seemed to float as it was filled with relief.

Nephele landed on the bridge and Mike followed behind her. Her bad leg ached upon landing, sending a dull throb throughout her entire body.

"I thought you were…" Nephele's voice trailed off, searching aimlessly for another word less permanent than 'death.' With a small smirk of satisfaction, Mike tilted his chin up and looked down at her.

"I'm not that easy to kill," he replied. Of course. It was said that Mike was second in power only to Levi Ackerman, though she couldn't help but wonder how wide the margin between their abilities was.

Sighing in relief, Nephele returned his smile with a nod. "That is fortunate. We could really use an extra pair of swords right now," she admitted. "What happened?"

Mike placed a foot on the bridge's parapet, readying himself for a leap into the air.

"You're in no position to be asking such questions, Ambrosia. And we are in no position to entertain irrelevant discussions. Your task is to annihilate any titan you come across as swiftly, efficiently, and logically as possible. Stay focused and return to your duties. I'm going to report my findings to Gelgar." Sniffing the air, Mike gave her a parting glance and continued with a solemn, "Good luck, soldier," before throwing himself from the bridge and flying towards the crumbling tower. She sent him off with a salute.

His dismissal of her question was to be expected. He was as disciplined and steadfast as his superior, it seemed. With more hope than she had bargained for, Nephele allowed herself a few moments to catch her breath before returning to the fray.

After several grueling hours of fighting, three dulled swords, and with most of the titans felled, Nephele buried her grapples high above the reach of any hungry mouths and took a brief respite with her feet against the wall and her head tilted back towards the sky. The stars were beautiful. A river whose drops were made of stardust flowed through the darkness, shimmering and incandescent. She wondered if the river had a name.

_'Levi.'_ Did astronomers name the stars after those they loved, too?

Henning came to check her status while she was resting.

"I'm fine," she assured, running her hand through her hair. He opened his mouth to reply when they heard a thunderous crash. Turning her head, Nephele saw dust rising from the destroyed stables where the horses were fettered. A large boulder was amidst the wreckage, and Nephele couldn't help but remember the dogs and their caretakers back in Trost. Before she could react, she heard another crash, one that shook her to the bone and came from above. When she looked up, she saw that another boulder had collided with the top of the tower.

"Lynne!" Henning shouted as he flew to the scene. Nephele was close behind, but out of the corner of her eye she saw Lynne's broken body descending with the rest of the rubble. Releasing one grapple, she shot it back into the woman's leg and reeled in, slowly but fast enough to avoid the falling bricks in case she was still alive. When she was dangling a few meters below her, Nephele shouted up at the others.

"I got her! Somebody help me pull her up!"

By the time they managed to hoist Lynne to the safety of the tower's roof, Nephele deduced that she had already died. Henning banged his fists against the stone, struggling to stifle his sobs, while Nanaba and Gelgar assessed the body.

"The boulder came from the direction of the wall," noted Gelgar grimly, trying to contain his inner turmoil with a pained grimace.

"The wall?" Ymir reiterated, trying to make sense of everything.

It was Connie who said what was all on their minds. "It was that beast titan!" he exclaimed, just before his large eyes widened even more. "Woah! A bunch of titans are coming. More than twice there were before!" He pointed in the direction they were approaching, which was the forest from which they emerged last time.

"They chose now to suddenly show up? That can't be a coincidence," Nanaba murmured to Lynne's body. When she looked up, her face was etched with the lines of somber hopelessness. "It's almost like we're being toyed with. Like we have been right from the start."

All their gazes came to rest on the slouched figure on the top of Wall Rose. Suddenly, it raised its fists and howled at the moon with the unsettling voice of a vindictive beast, a sinister concoction somewhere between man and animal.

* * *

Gelgar was dead. Nanaba lost a leg when she ran out of gas before being rescued by Nephele and Zacharius, and was slowly bleeding out as she lied motionless on the top of the tower. Soon, their safe haven would be a pile of rubble. The infrastructure was about to collapse, and the titans weren't helping that situation. Whether their destruction of the tower was intentional or not was unclear. Their hands would claw at the bricks in a feeble attempt to climb the tower, loosening and tearing them apart. It distinctly reminded Nephele of a game she used to play as a child, with wooden blocks stacked on top of one another that players removed piece by piece. In the game, whoever knocked the tower over lost. This game had different rules, as the collapse of the building would mean a great feast for the opposing side.

The survivors encircled the outer limits of the tower, watching helplessly as the titans hungry jaws snapped at them from below. Nephele managed to make it to the top before her gas supply went empty, and Zacharius was running on fumes. He'd retrieved a few flares from the saddlebags of the deceased horses before returning to the tower, and shot holes in the night sky every fifteen minutes to signal their presence to whoever may be near. He had been fully prepared to sacrifice his life to eliminate as many titans as he could before his supply depleted entirely, but Nephele had convinced him otherwise.

"Morale is low, and your sacrifice would mean nothing, Zacharius. You are the only veteran here capable of guidance with Nanaba incapacitated. For the sake of those under your command, do not toss away your life with reckless abandon," she'd insisted rather impertinently.

"You don't have a sense of respect, do you? My orders are final. My decisions are my own. You are in no position to question me," he had said.

"With so few minds left to formulate plans that may turn the tides of war, the Survey Corps no longer has the luxury to deafen themselves to the suggestions of others," Nephele persisted. She tapped her heels together and stood before him, her head high, a strong fist over her even stronger heart. "I implore you, sir. Do not abandon us when our lives are at risk."

Bowing his head, Mike ran his hand over his shadowy stubble. He was a stubborn man who didn't falter in the face of adversity, so Nephele fully expected him to agree with her. "You really are quite the persistent and convincing one."

"You say that as if someone has already given you that description," she surmised.

"Cunning, too. I'll do as you suggested, but the moment this tower starts to fall apart, I will not hesitate to take down as many titans as I can with me. I'll protect you all with my last breath."

Unable to improve their current situation, the Scouts huddled around the low burning fire as they awaited their fate. Nephele had plenty of time to prepare herself for Death's cold grip. With Mike sitting beside her trying to sharpen his swords with a piece of stone, she debated on whether she should question him about Levi. It occurred that really she didn't know him at all. She didn't know what kept him up at night, or what kept him going during the day. She didn't know what his parents were like, or if he was passionate about anything other than cleaning and killing titans. She didn't know the names of everyone he'd ever lost, of everyone who'd ever been important to him. She didn't know what made him happy – if anything could.

She didn't know the reason why he fights.

That would be her question for Mike. A person's will to fight is the driving force of humanity's resistance. If she knew why he joined, perhaps she would know Levi just a little more. In her last moments, she'd be able to say that she knew him better than she did yesterday.

With her knees drawn up to her chest and her back to the stone parapet, Nephele looked over at Mike from beneath her lashes. Perhaps that uncanny sense of smell could detect her stare, for he tilted his head in her direction. Without allowing herself time to reconsider her question, Nephele jumped headfirst into the conversation.

"Could you tell me why Levi joined the Scouts?"

Mike realized how futile his attempts were and stopped trying to sharpen his blades. Iron bamboo was the hardest substance known to man, and no rock could ever hope to so much as sully it with a scratch. Looking down at Nephele's barefeet, he considered her question for a moment.

"Why are you asking?" he inquired with suspicion.

Apprehensive of what Mike's response to her explanation would be, Nephele treaded carefully this time, while still remaining faithful to the truth. There was no turning back now. "I just want to know what kind of person he is. I thought that knowing why he decided to join a faction that many would consider a lost cause would give me insight on who he truly is."

Exhaling at her response, Mike said, "Alright. Just don't run off and tell him I told you all this unless he asks. It's not like he'd particularly care whether or not you knew the truth, but it's something he wouldn't be comfortable with talking about openly."

Nephele managed a small smile at Mike's assured stance on their predicament. She aspired to be as sanguine as Mike and many of the other senior officers of the Survey Corps. After witnessing and overcoming so many horrifying tribulations, many of them must have learned that pessimism only hindered their abilities, and thus their chances of survival.

"I understand. If – When we live, I hope he'll tell me himself one day," she murmured softly. If there was anything to be hopeful for, it was getting to know him.

Mike gave her a reassuring pat on the back, his hand lingering on her shoulder for a few moments before returning to his lap. "At the rate you're heading, I'm sure he will." Though Nephele was curious as to what he meant by that, she didn't want to divert the topic to something else. This was more important. She had all the time in the world to figure out the rest. "Anyway, Levi didn't exactly join the Scouts of his own volition. He was a criminal of the underground, and when Commander Erwin detained him, he gave him two options: join the Survey Corps, or be handed over to the Military Police. I was part of the team that apprehended Levi and his accomplices. Their names were Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church."

'Were.' The way Mike referred to them in past-tense contotated that Levi's old friends were dead. 'Their names are Isabel and Farlan. They still have names,' she thought to herself, her own musings whispers in her conscience. She wondered what kind of people they were, and how they came to know Levi, and what the memories they shared. She wondered so many things, and it was torture to know that she'd never have all the answers. Hanging on to every word that Mike said, Nephele said nothing. Her eyes stayed on his face, watching, looking for the emotions attributed to a narrative weaved by himself but whose characters were his own comrades. The pause he gave after uttering their names spoke for itself. If there was one thing Nephele was certain of, it was that this story wouldn't have a happy ending. Like all fruit grown in the blood-soaked soil of this world, it would be bittersweet.

Trying to picture Levi going about everyday life in the Underground proved difficult. While she had never visited the slums of the Capital, she knew that it was a notoriously revolting and destitute oasis for crime. That must be where he got his obsession with cleanliness. Being surrounded by filth your entire life would either give a person either an aversion or a penchant for it. 'Rather than accept his current situation and fester in it, Levi scours it clean until nothing is left. Even now, I am starting to understand him a little better,' reflected Nephele.

"Commander Erwin – who, at the time, was just a squad leader – had recently proposed the long distance scouting formation. It's the one we currently use today, to minimize casualties by avoiding titans instead of confronting every one we find. A few months before Levi, Isabel, and Farlan joined, the Survey Corps was in danger of being defunded due to our high casualty and low success rates. A man by the name of Nicholas Lobov appealed to the Parliament to defund our expeditions, with the intention of giving those funds to the Military Police. Commander Erwin found a way to convince Lobov to reconsider, and after achieving this political success, he needed to strengthen it with success on the field now that he planned on implementing his new strategy. To ensure this, he required strength. Rumors were circulating about a trio of thieves living Underground who somehow managed to get their hands on 3DMG, and were able to use it with extreme efficiency. Erwin had his sights on them, and after watching their feats he made his move. It was one of the most exciting missions of my career," he admitted with a small smirk of nostalgia. Looking at Nephele, he didn't seem to mind that she let him continue speaking without interruption. In fact, his expression suggested that he appreciated it.

"When they were inducted into our ranks, many of our members disagreed with Commander Shadis's decision in recruiting them. Their doubts weren't completely unfounded, though. Levi and his comrades were notorious criminals, after all, without previous military experience in comparison to the grueling training that the rest of us endured. If I hadn't seen their skills first-hand underground, I might have been a bit apprehensive about their recruitment. Even then, without any experience on the field, Levi's abilities were above some of our most distinguished veterans. His talent is unprecedented.

"The new formation was implemented during Levi's first expedition beyond the Walls. I wasn't around for Levi's first kill, but from what I've heard from Flagon, he managed to fell a ten meter deviant with the assistance of his friends. Their teamwork was flawless, which is really something considering how much of a poor sport Levi is. The expedition spanned two days and one night. The beginning of the second day was when we implemented the formation and for the first few hours we suffered no casualties, which was something almost completely unheard of before then." Nephele watched Mike's jaw as it clenched in anger, saw his nostrils flare and eyebrows knit together. "Then it started raining. It was a downpour unlike any I've ever seen. Visibility drastically reduced to what was right in front of us, rendering our smoke flares useless. We couldn't even hear what the person next to us was saying above the sound of falling rain. Before long, the formation broke."

Mike stopped to check his watch, looking at his wrist to decipher the inscriptions on the small dial, the translations of time in a measure easily comprehensible by humans. He reached into the saddlebag beside him and retrieved another flare gun. Finger on the trigger, he covered one ear with his free hand and pressed his other into the arm he was raising towards the sky. Nephele covered both of her own ears to brace herself for the deafening 'BANG!' that it shouted, watching as a ribbon of black wavered in front of a slowly-fading violet backdrop. "Damn, that was the last one."

"The Scouts excel at long distance travel. Your horses are trained to run for extended periods of time, and day is almost upon us. Reinforcements are on their way," promised Nephele. Yes, they were on their way. It was only a matter of if they were heading in the right direction.

"Hopefully they get here in time," Zacharius prayed to himself. With a sigh, he continued his narrative.

"Perhaps I should have explained this sooner, but Levi, Farlan, and Isabel were under orders by Nicholas Lobov to recover a document from Erwin Smith. Taking advantage of the poor conditions, Levi went ahead of his squad and sought out Erwin in the center column, where I was also stationed. After coming across the second column, third row, he was met with a gruesome scene. The entire squadron had been obliterated by a group of titans. Levi turned back towards his teammates, but by the time he arrived it was too late." Mike tossed the empty flare gun behind him, surrendering it to the darkness and the titans below. He didn't provide any further details on what exactly transpired beneath those clouds. Somewhere, under that same sky – during that very moment – Nephele might have been tending her garden, or fixing her hair, or wandering through the forest. While such carnage and torture was being inflicted upon the loved ones of someone she cared deeply about, Nephele was ignorantly going about her daily routine without a single worthwhile care. Pinching the bridge of her nose between thumb and forefinger, she tried to suppress the sudden throbbing that made her thoughts even more painful to conjure.

"Erwin, myself, and the rest of our team saw steam rising from a significant number of fallen titans. All of our assumptions were that it was Levi's doing. When we arrived, we saw him amidst the carnage. Isabel's head was –" Grinding his teeth, Mike shook his own head as if to remind himself that it was still on his shoulders. He forced himself to continue. Mike Zacharius didn't strike Nephele as the kind of person to be particularly open about such sensitive topics, especially ones that were unrelated to himself. Yet here he sat, telling her things that she probably shouldn't know, weaving words that were soft compared to the ones he must be thinking in his head. If those were Isabel Magnolia's final moments of her fleeting existence, then she deserved an unadulterated explanation of what truly happened. "He was kneeling next to her head. When he saw Erwin, he attacked him immediately, tackling him off his horse. I rushed to his aid, but…"

_'He must be scary when he's so distraught, to frighten Mike to the point of not even wanting to admit it,'_ Nephele thought to herself.

"Levi revealed his true intentions, and Erwin revealed his own. Erwin knew that the three were planning to steal the documents regarding Lobov's embezzlement of the funds that were supposed to be used for all the expeditions he had a hand in suspending, and used their connection to Lobov to throw him off Erwin's trail as he gathered evidence against him. Erwin explained that the documents incriminating Lobov were already in the hands of Commander Zacklay. Levi was furious, believing that his friends died in vain. He swung his sword to lop off Erwin's head, and I ran forward to stop him, but Erwin grabbed the blade with his hand as if it were a stick. He told him who the real enemies were. It was the titans who killed Levi's friends. It's always them."

"It stopped raining," he continued, providing that small detail for some inexplicable reason. It was an important detail, yet so frivolous as well. Nephele's nails clawed at the stone beneath her, shredding themselves. Once the Heavens had subjugated those who only wished for a glimpse of the lands beneath them, they didn't even bother to wash away the blood. It was an egregious insult to humankind, yet it was nothing at all. It was just bad weather.

A forced smile found its way on Mike's thin lips. "I remember the words Erwin said to him, word for word. 'If you begin to regret, you'll dull your future decisions, and let others make your decisions for you,' and 'Each decision you make holds meaning only by affecting your next decision.' Those are words I still live by today."

Nephele couldn't help but think of the conversation she had with Erwin when she first joined. Her hand rose to the necklace tucked safely behind her shirt, the metallic pendant a constant reminder of everyone who has ever died for the sake of the human race.

_"Captain Ackerman isn't like me at all."_

_"No, but he has made certain decisions in his past that have shaped the man he is today."_

Were these the decisions Commander Erwin had in mind when he told her that?

"Thank you, Captain," she murmured, finally looking to the sky. Together, with the rest of her comrades, they watched the sun peek out from between two colossal mountains, larger than any titan, natural structures of stone that would continue to stand long after this war finally concludes. Its infectious light intermingled with the land and sky, an inexorable force yet one that was a welcome sight. Violet faded to lavender, and lavender to livid, and everything the sun's rays touched was golden. The clouds above were fluffy and pink, the kind that reminded Nephele of strawberry sheep.

"Don't. It's a new day, let's start it off on a clean slate," he muttered, becoming the callous superior once again.

_'I understand. I won't regret my choices.'_


End file.
